"I officially recommit myself to being truthful to myself and living IN THE MOMENT, making CONSCIOUS choices, being KINDER to myself but not rationalizing. I commit to being responsible for and conscious of my choices. " Amen Cece! I feel FUELED! (yippee) Let's keep it REAL! hugs, Britt

I know many of you were reading and following The Beck Diet Solution a few months ago. Having bookshelves full of "diet" books, I didn't buy it then but after scaring myself with my eating behaviors lately, I picked it up and bought it. I skimmed several chapters and saw it does pertain to me and Cognitive therapy is what really helped me through a couple of tough depressions about 10 or so years ago. So, last night I'm reading the beginning of the book and one sentence on page 18 really hit me between the eyes. Judith Beck is talking about our sabotaging thoughts and how we can talk back to ourselves. I'm the QUEEN of negative self-talk and I'm always telling myself that I'll "do well" tomorrow and I won't buy such and such again but when I read "it matters every single time" I realized that's the mindset I need to have. It matters when we reach out and pick something up when we aren't hungry or when we are tempted by something that we know isn't a good choice for our post-WLS bodies. It matters every single time because we are forming HABITS. If we do it once, we are more tempted to do it again and again. Habits are hard to break. Some habits make us feel bad and guilty. Some habits lead to denial. Bad habits lead us to rationalize. Habits create a lifestyle and our lifestyles determine our destinies. I'm very uncomfortable with the habit of grazing I'm developing. Like Judith Beck says, every time I graze, every time I eat something that I've lived without for over a year, every time I don't listen to the little voice inside me asking why I am eating if I'm not hungry or if I'm overeating, it makes it much more likely that I'll give in to temptation and do it again and again. I don't want to feel out of control. I don't want to gain weight. I don't want to be obsessed with guilt. I want to feel successful. I want to have a healthy relationship with food, using it as fuel for my body not being addicted and a slave to it. Yet, I'm not feeling really strong again yet so here's my interim plan. I'm going to imagine one of you looking over my shoulder when I'm tempted. I'm going to imagine you giving me support at that moment. I'm going to imagine if I would make the choice I'm about to make if you were present. I'm going to imagine you saying to me: "It matters every single time and you are strong enough to turn away and resist." I need you guys to help me strengthen my Temptation Muscle. If you have read this book or you have any other thoughts, meditations or whatever that help you, let us know what they are. Today I am going to work my plan. I'm going to the gym in a few minutes and have a good workout. I'm going to recognize and pat myself on the back for my good choices and behavior and I'm going to remember that the choices I make today do matter because IT MATTERS EVERY SINGLE TIME! CeCe

"Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans." Have you fallen off track a bit? Is your - exercise - water - food - grazing - not where YOU want it to be?? Do you WANT to get back on track? then join me and officially recommit here! hugs, Britt

Well, here I am the odd duck, checking in. I don't remember if I did last week, but I have good news to report that my revision seems to be working and things are heading in the right direction. I'm doing all those things you guys are not supposed to do, graze, and I am eating way to much sugar, I just know. Because I don't dump anymore and I've had a real sweet tooth. I have found that I do well with really small portions like 2-3 large scallops. That's it. I seem to not be able to mix foods yet. Just not enough room in my sleeve to allow all that. 3-4 bites and I'm done for an hour. Then on to something else. The pain I've had swallowing is getting better, so maybe it is true I just need to stretch it and work it by eating more. I do find I get killer stomach aches below my belly button, though, if I eat too much. Really bad, like send me to the couch and take a pain pill hurt. I'm not happy about that. I go in Feb. 1 for an upper GI and an ultrasound of my gall bladder again. We will see what happens after that. My energy, i thought, was getting better. I've been doing more. But today kicked my butt. I took the kids to the dentist for their check up, then to the dr. for an immunization, then to the pharmacy at a different store to pick up a prescription and i was so dead when i got home I could barely get my food pump out of the backpack and clothes off to get me in to bed. I had to take a pain pill and a xanax because my stomach has been doing these horrible flip flops that are so disturbing, it's like riding a constant roller coaster and going down the big hill for the first time every 15 seconds. After about 2 hours I was feeling better, good enough to go downstairs and be with my family. I wonder, when will I ever get back to work? Ugh! But hallelujuah for my weight gain. Look! Starting weight 202 week before last = 96 This week = 104!!! Loss this week = + 8 lbs.!!! Total loss = 98 Current BMI = 17.8!!! Moving up!

I'm with every one else in the grazing dept. It's been a huge problem since the holidays and I have really cracked down this week. I've limited myself to three meals and one snack some where during the day. If I start feeling the need to eat something, I try to drink more or mix up a protein drink, they fill me up for a while. I haven't posted my weight for a while because I was kind of angry at myself for losing control. I see I am not alone. Starting weight 349 3 weeks ago = 187.5 This week = 192 Loss this week = +4.5 Total loss = 157 I also finally realized that if I want to get rid of the last 15lbs I want to lose, I have to start working at it. I really haven't done any formal exercise except for all the walking I do on the job. This week, I started making use of the exercise room at my apartment complex. It just has a treadmill, stationary bike and weight machine, but it's A START!! I have been doing a half hour on the treadmill, 20 minutes on the bike, and about 20 min on the weights. I can't do it too fast because of my knees, but at least I am doing it and will keep going. When I get regular paychecks coming in, I would like to find a personal trainer to work with for a while, so I can get a clue about the best way to exercise, I'm hoping in another month, I'll be able to. In the meantime, I'll do the best i can with what I've got. Here's to re-committing like everyone else, Phyllis