I appreciate you all. CeCe, you should have been a Psychiatrist! You are so right on the money! I know without a doubt that I subconsciously sabotage myself daily. I am afraid of what the future hold for me as a "normal" weight person. 199 has been my goal for so long, I don't know how I am going to react when I finally see it, not to mention when I dip below. I just know that I am going to power through the mental anguish until my body takes over and reaches the goal. Why am I so afraid? I have to ask myself that every day. I can't put a finger on it. I am considering some therapy but Cigna, my fabulous insurance, isn't big on paying for that sort of thing. Do you know how much therapy can cost? OMG! I am open to suggestions if anyone knows where or how I can get some help. I know if I work through some of my emotional issues, I will have an easier time staying in control of my eating. So far this week, I have done very well. I am journaling all food on Fitday.com. Last night I made mini eggbeater's quiches with spinach and non fat cottage cheese. I made a batch of 12 so they will be breakfast for a few days and I will freeze some too. They were very tasty and satisfying for breakfast this morning. They were nice to eat while everyone else here at work ate their McD's sausage, egg and cheese biscuits! I still battle that every day also. Just 5 minutes ago someone asked me if I wanted anything from Taco Hell or Pizza Gut! (It is after all, 11:00 and their breakfast biscuits must be long gone and they are FAMISHED) OF COURSE I WANT IT, BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE IN! I wanted to SCREAM at her! But of course, I am too nice and timid to ever do such a thing. Instead I swallow down my words and chew loudly on my sugar-free gum and bang loudly as I type this post. As if anyone would notice. Ok, I am through with my rant. I just wanted you guys to see some of what I deal with daily. I know everyone of us has our obstacles to overcome. One of mine is inconsiderate co-workers. On a good note, I am leaving work today at 1 pm and am going to go buy myself a new notebook computer for the house! Yeah! I can finally stay in touch on my own turf. You guys will be seeing more of me again. I find this board so therapeutic. You guys get me through the tough times. Again I say, I appreciate you all! See ya soon! Valorie

Julie, Losing a beloved pet is one of the hardest things in life. We had Yorkies for years and years and even brought four back from Europe after taking one over! Our favorite Yorkie, Bernie, had heart disease and we had to put him down at 15. It was the hardest thing we've had to do and we still remember the date. We had to take him to the Emergency Vet clinic in the middle of the night. That was in June of 2001. Within the space of 3 years, we lost all of those Yorkies to age related diseases and the cat we brought back as well. We still have our memories and pictures and we talk about Bernie and the others often. I'm so sorry for your loss. What was her name? CeCe

Valorie, I'm so very glad to see a post from you! As I told you in my PM to you, I and several others have had a heck of a time with food issues since the Holidays. Getting off track is easy - getting back on track is hard but you have implemented a great plan and you are working your plan! How does that make you feel? More in control? More positive about the future? Isn't it wonderful how planning your day and following the plan can totally change our perspective on life? The mere fact that you are posting again is a great sign that you are feeling back in control. One of my big issues is isolating myself when I'm feeling badly about myself. Seems like I'm not the only one on this board with that issue. I don't think there's anyone on earth who can better understand what we go through than others on this board so please post when you are feeling something. Yesterday afternoon I should have taken this advice. I had a good morning at the gym and had even set up Round 2 of plastics for March 19. That's what probably led to my overeating yesterday afternoon. My husband came for lunch and I fixed us a wonderful salad with leftover slice steak. I whipped up a marvelous salad dressing and we enjoyed our meal. I didn't overeat. Yet, once he left, I didn't leave the kitchen. We never buy bread but when we were shopping the day before, I'd suggested he pick up a pack of English Muffins for himself since he enjoys them. WELL, I think I was thinking more of myself because I cut one in half, toasted it and sprayed I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray on it and then added a little Smucker's No Sugar strawberry jam. That was just about the best thing I'd tasted lately so, I toasted the other half and ate that. I was uncomfortably full but I found myself still looking. I ended up eating some pistachio nuts too before I ordered myself (out loud) to get out of the kitchen. I was so full I felt like I'd stretched my stitches from my LBL and then I had the WORST gas ever. Instead of just recognizing that I was nervous about facing another round of PS and recovery and journaling that or talking to you guys, I gave in to my old "comfortable" pattern of stuffing the stress with food. Valorie, you are doing great and none of us comes close to perfection! It's a heck of a lot harder these days to do what we are doing but we keep plugging along. You are working out, you are planning your meals, you are doing great! You will break that 200 barrier very soon. I know it's hard to post from work but may I suggest you journal (when you can find a minute after taking care of your son and husband! By the way, how is Jacob, the grandson doing?) about your feelings and fears of getting under 200? I suggest this because I remember when I lost weight on my own prior to WLS, going below 200 was a HUGE barrier for me. It literally took me several years! I stayed at 202 for the longest time Once I dropped to 199 but quickly went back to 202. Then, several times I gained back to 218 before dropping back to 202. Of course, I consciously wanted to get below 200 more than anything but subconsciously that must have been a different story. Eventually I blasted past and ended up at 174.50 before starting to regain so I guess getting below 175 was another barrier! So, Valorie, the fact that you haven't hit 199 is probably lots more complicated than you think and you are NOT a failure because you haven't reached that milestone! CeCe

Sounds like you already let yourself have it, so we don't have to. You are doing a lot of "right" things to get yourself back on track. You've got your plan in place, so now just work your plan! You can do this! Welcome back. We missed you! Wanda

I am so glad to hear from you and your doing well. I'm not making the wisest food choices either but luckily have really been hovering about the same weight. No matter what look how far you have come and stick with the exercise. I really think that's the key to this whole thing. I thought the holidays were awful also at least eating wise. Keep checking in when you can I think being accountable helps to keep us a little more honest with what we're putting in our mouths. Welcome back. Deb