Sounds like we have similar plans! It is always comforting to get validation from others that they are on the same page as you. I sure wish I had a Kroger around for that protein filled yogurt. I usually eat the Yoplait digestive help stuff but I think it only has 5 grams of protein. I usually add 1/2 scoop of protein powder to boost it. But of course, this boosts the calories also. Would be nice to get the protein without additions. Triscuits fill me up too. One wedge of laughing cow and 5 triscuits is all I can handle. That is eating them very slowly also. What is your goal for protein per day? I still shoot for 80 to 100 grams. Of course I still need to lose at least 60 lbs. Thanks for your response! hugs, Valorie

Of course it's not good enough for them, but that is their problem. Let them own it. You release it and set yourself free. And keep working on letting the resentment and frustration go. It is a process, and one we have to learn how to do. I really don't think it comes naturally to those of us who like to be the peacemakers and caretakers. We may have big hearts, but they get hurt more because of it sometimes. Thank you for your kind thoughts on my appt. this afternoon. We are ready to leave now. I'll post when I know more. Hugs to you! Hang in there!

Ok, so I know grazing is B.A.D. but tell me what is your favorite, WLS friendly, snack. I would also like to know, 'cause I am just nosey, what type of eating "plan" do you have? And, do you have any recipes you would like to share? My favorite snack is Cheese and triscuit crackers(I know, carb, but it is whole grain). I love the light, laughing cow cheese and it is only 35 calories! My eating plan: I have to eat or have some nourishment at least every 3-4 hours or I crash and burn. My body and mind both say eat something, anything! So I really have to plan the whole day or I wind up eating GARBAGE and way too many calories/carbs. Pre-Breakfast about 0630 Protein drink or smoothie with fruit- 200 calories or less Breakfast about 1000 2-Mini Egg quiches/or cheese and triscuits- 200 calories or less Lunch about 1230 lean cuisine with 1/2 cup added veggies- 300 calories or less Progresso-light soup with 1 can of chicken- 300 calories or less Afternoon Snack: about 1600 protein drink- 115 calories Dinner: about 1900-1930--400 calories or less baked fish and green veg or lean cuisine with 1/2 cup added veggies or any type of protein and veg I try not to eat anything after dinner but... Cheese and crackers, or a handful of nuts if I am craving salt. I don't really "crave" sweets as long as I drink my protein shakes or smoothies. Recipe: (well more of a method than an actual recipe) Recently I discovered something that probably everyone has know forever except for me. I mix crystal light orange flavor drink with my vanilla protein powder and it makes a drink that tastes like a creamsicle. The whole thing is 115 calories and 21 grams of protein. I was looking for a way to get my protein in without adding the calories of milk or any other mixer. One day the light bulb went off and viola! You would have thought I had discovered the cure for cancer! I also make smoothies in the blender with crystal light flavors, frozen fruit and protein powder. For a real pick me up before a workout, I sometimes substitute a low cal/no sugar added energy drink like Tab for the liquid. The blender takes away the carbonation. This idea came to me from my gym. They have a smoothie bar and upon examination of the ingredient/nutrition list, I figured I could make my own versions of their drinks with fewer calories/carbs. They actually have a drink that has over 1000 calories! It is a chocolate, chunky monkey or something like that. It is for people who want to gain weight! Can you imagine??? It reminds me of when Wanda found out that her gym was using Yoo-hoo for the mixer! Anyway, enough of my ranting. Can you tell I am in a good mood? Just thought I would share a bit of my world with my friends. Will you share yours? Hope everyone has a great day. Hugs, Valorie

I think the important thing to realize is you can only control and take care of yourself. There is no way to get other people to change. I think you realize that, but still, it's hard not to be disappointed for others in your family because you only want what is best for them. Take care of yourself. Do only what you feel comfortable doing. And try to be gentle with yourself and let the rest go. You can explain to your family that you can't visit because you can't or don't want to, deal with the unsanitary conditions. You can express your concern for your family and urge them to clean up, but you can't make them. Then try to let it go. I know it's hard. It's kind of a tough love approach. But you need to take care of yourself first, before you can be of help to anyone else. And it sounds like your mom is getting good care with hospice. Maybe only agree to visiting for a couple hours on one day during the weekend. You've made a very generous offer to take off work for three months. If they don't take you up on it, it is not on you. You've done your best to help them. I don't know of any books specifically to address lowering your expectations, but there are a couple I feel are worthy of reading that may help you. One is Self Matters by Dr. Phil McGraw. And the other is Love the Life You Live by Parrott and Warren. Those might help you to accept your expectations while choosing to do what is best for you. You know, help with any guilt you may feel for making those decisions. I can't tell you what to do. It's a tough situation at best. I'm sorry you are hurting and strugging. Just know that you are worthy of your own feelings. And honor them.

Here's the deal - my psychologist thinks that I need to lower my expectations of other people. I totally agree with him but how do I do it? Does anyone else have this problem? My particular problem is that my sister is addicted to pain pills because she has a bad back and needs surgery. But she won't get surgery until after my mother passes away (she is very sick and my sister stays with her and takes care of her). I have offered to take 3 months off of work to stay with my mom either at my house in Charleston or their house 2 hours away. But she won't do it. I think that she either doesn't really need the surgery (which it doesn't look like to me) or she realizes she won't have the excuse to be stoned all the time after she has surgery (my guess). In the meantime she has let my mom's house go to pot and I hate going home to see my mom. It disgusts me! My doctor says that because I am the type of person to deal with my problems (WLS, seeing him, etc.) that I expect her to get help with her problems. But it seems like she doesn't want to and it is so aggravating to me. I worry about the care my mom is getting a little bit but not too much because mom my has Hospice and Home Health Care come to the house 3-5 days a week. My family always wants me to come on the weekends for the whole weekend but my mom only gets out of bed for about 2 hours every day. The rest of the time I am twiddling my thumbs and getting grossed out with the house. Trust me, I have cleaned the house before but they just keep letting it go. I don't like staying the night either because they have a mouse problem and refuse to fix it. They've set traps but they need a serious extermination/fogger session or something. It's bad. And my sister is so needy - I think it's from the drugs. She has no life except my mom, her husband (who lives there too and is just as addicted as she is), and me. It's really sad. I know I am probably saying too much and my sister would DIE if she saw this post. But I just don't know how to handle this and how to get over it. Any ideas? I have a call in to my doctor to ask him if there is a book I can get on how to lower expectations of people but if you know of anything I can do or read, please let me know! Susan