So hard to ask for what we want!

I had the most stressful experience today. I had to tell my boss that I was very disappointed with my pay raise. It was so hard to tell him what I wanted. Why is it so hard to ask for what we want? My nerves are still in bundles! It didn't help matters that we both ended up getting mad at the other! I wish I would have done it in writting so we didn't end up saying things that we might regret. I really do love my boss and I love my job. But, I still think I deserved the bigger raise (which I ended up getting!) Some how I think not being able to ask for I want is directly linked to my becoming fat in the first place! Emotions shouldn't cause this much stress~ Do you guys have problems with calmly and assertively asking for what you want? I'm going to work on that! Wanda

Wanda, I hear you and YES! I've always had trouble speaking up for what I deserve. I'm very proud of you for doing so and I'm happy that you got the raise you deserved in the first place. And, I have no doubt that not having the courage to ask for what we have wanted and deserved in the past is linked to our previous weight. I think we subconsciously thought we didn't deserve some things or we expected people to see that we deserved something and stuffed the anger when they didn't "reward" us. Either way, many of us suffered from depression which is basically anger turned inward. Instead of being able to speak out, we punished ourselves. Again, Wanda, I'm proud that you asked and got and while I know it was stressful and you may not have handled it as smoothly as you would have liked, you DID STAND UP FOR YOURSELF and that's a positive change. You got practice in doing it. Next time it will be easier and less stressful. I remember handling something very similar in writing years ago and I regretted not doing it in person so I'm glad you spoke to him (or her) face to face! How are you going to spend that raise?! CeCe

CeCe, listen to this! He just called back (called me at home at 8:30 pm) and told me that I was right and he was wrong. The end result--I got a 16% raise!! When we spoke earlier he had conceded to a 10% raise. This morning it was only a 3% increase. I think I should try to stay up longer tonight to see what else comes my way! Can you believe it? So funny. I guess it pays to stand up for ourselves! Wanda

OMG! That is GREAT! I wonder if he thought you might walk if he didn't pony up. I got a 22% raise last year, and it still didn't bring me up to what a new hire started at that was working in my same department. That still chapped my hide. But I'm not expecting any raise this year. Our review is in June. I have been out so much this year I probably won't even get the standard 3-5% raise. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. I know I wouldn't have gotten my "salary adjustment" if I had not done my research and presented it to management with statistics. I know for me, it's probably not so much that I was fat, but more self esteem issues that I have carried for years, stemming from before I gained weight. The weight probably did compound it, and when I was overweight I felt I had to work harder and prove more to compete with thin people. Now, I do have a new found assertiveness, however, I still have the nerves. So, I may portray myself stronger, and have the guts to say what I never used to, but I still sweat over it. You did good, Wanda. Congratulations!

Oh yeah, that was part of the ugliness of the conversation. He thought I may leave so he kind of threatened that he should start looking for my replacement. We both were getting a little annoyed with the other, but it all worked out in the end. We agreed not to carry any resentments or bitterness. I was still so tense last night that I couldn't sleep. I'm just very happy today though! I'm glad that you are well enough to get back to work. Life is almost back to normal for you now! WTG! Wanda

Wanda - you ROCK whoooooo hoooooooooo C o n g r a t s *We* have to ask for what we want - need - deserve! I have found 99.9 % of the time I get what I ask for - need - deserve! It is hard to do .... but If you KNOW how valuable you are .... you should GO FOR IT and speak up - just as you did Brava! Hugs & Love, Britt

You are right! Sometimes I'm surprised at what I get when I only ask! At one point, I felt like I was close to getting something that I didn't want : FIRED!

WOW, Wanda!!! I hope he had a sleepless night and doubled your salary by now!!! That's wonderful! Yes, it does pay to stand up for ourselves! Your 16% is a well deserved reward and I'm so proud of you for fighting for it! CeCe