OMG, I'm such a glutton for punishment!!!

Ok, Gang, that title is obviously a take-off on poor Wanda's last post but it has to do with FOOD! I keep lugging this Beck Diet Solution book around but I haven't opened it in a few days or even done the daily homework. Life gets in the way even though I've sworn I would make working the program a priority. So, yesterday I spent TWO HOURS at the doctor to get that coritsone shot. Most of it was WAITING. Then, because he's a hand specialist, he tried to get one of the other orthos in to shoot my shoulder. Didn't happen so I have to bo back tomorrow for that and it will probably take another 2 hours. Even though I had food prepared at home, I just felt like GOING OUT! So, we did. I brought home plenty of leftovers so I didn't feel guilty about that but we stopped in the supermarket after dinner for me to pick up fruit and cottage cheese. WELL, I also picked up a carton of Edy's No Sugar Added lowfat Coffee flavored ice cream. Now, I know from past experience that I find it hard to avoid grazing out of a carton like that. I also know that sugar alcohols bother me. Of course, when I got home, I simply had to open the carton and TASTE it. One of the cardinal rules of Beck Diet Solution is not to eat standing up. Did I put my taste in a bowl and sit down to eat it? NO. Did I eat more than a taste? YES. Did I know I would have ill side effects? YES. Did I remind myself as I ate bite after bite? YES. Did I stop? NO. What happened? A rush to the brain of whatever - very strange feeling for me. I got upstairs, stripped down and jumped in bed. Instead of telling hubby what was going on, I just said I was SO COLD! My big cat came and laid down with me and we watched the Westminster Dog Show. That cat was watching those dogs! It was SO funny. My two dogs were in the upstairs den with hubby watching Prison Break! I fell asleep for about 10 minutes which is what happens when I suffer. A little after 9 I thought it was over and was pleased that it wasn't so bad. THEN, I started SWEATING. Has anyone ever had this? It was like the sweat from the hardest, hottest work out you've EVER had. I compare it to a summer time, humidity laden hard, harder, hardest Spinning workout I've ever had. Sweat dripping off my nose, hair soaking wet, back and t-shirt soaking, soaking wet. I got up and went to the computer to try and cool down and finally told my husband to touch my back. He was shocked and went and got a towel and started wiping me down! He took off my t-shirt and said it was soaked and needed washing! Then, it was over and I feel into a deep sleep on the couch for about 20 minutes! STRANGE! Ok, I learned my lesson, right? WRONG! What did I do first thing this morning? Grabbed that darned carton out and took just a FEW bites. No ill effects but it's more than obvious that I cannot have that ice cream in my house ever again. I have no willpower even knowing something isn't good for me. How stupid is that???!!!!! CeCe

Totally not stupid. As you are quite obviously an intelligent woman. I could/would/have done exactly what you did. There is so much for me mixed up in being a compulsive eater. There is the obsession - which you discribed here. Having it first thing in the morning after it made you sick. I find I can get obsessed with food - no not carrots and broccoli. Once that obsession sets in... Katybar the door because I'm relentless. For me it isn't always sweet or all sweets. I made a key lime pie (ww style) the other day and it stayed in my freezer for days on end. I can't have graham crackers in the house - I eat them until they are gone! Outside of the obsession is the emotional stuff - wanting to eat over a feeling. With both of those food distortions going on in my head it is no wonder I was a heavyweight. The surgery doesn't fix our heads but I do think it lets them get cleared so that we can see what we are doing to give us more of a fighting chance to stop. Your post sounded so much like me that I had to respond. Trudy

Oh CeCe!!! I truly feel for you... My weakness is my wine and I have it almost every night..... Some nights I drink it too fast and I go through a similar scenerio as you described... It is miserable, but I wish I went through that will small amount of sugar or even things with sugar alcohol, because I am sure I would be doing much better at getting to goal if I did.... I can eat sugar, just not too fast.... Get rid of that darn ice cream and don't get it again... Eating out is not a sin and you did bring leftovers back so I am sure you did not ruin yourself.... We need to treat ourselves once in a while, just so long as we don't OVERinduldge.... Don't feel guilty, you did just fine.... I am sorry you went though all that, but I am sure you learned from it as well.... Hugs, Shawn M.

Tak ethe icre-cream put it in the sink and put the faucet on it to DESTROY it! Cece - I could have wrote what you did. It makes me *crazy* when I *allow* situations like this to happen and then get the best of me. Yes, I have had that sweating thing! Crazy!!! If my sugar drops to low - or SOMETIMES when I eat way too much sugar - It is bad! I simply cannot have certain foods in my house - I am a FOOD addict - Would a drug user trying to get a hold of their addiction - have drugs in the house? Probably not a wise thing to do. I *know* how you are feel - saying you know better, why did I eat it again - an so on and on! Like the Beck Diet suggests - move on ...NOW! I know that is easier said than done. But you are a STRONG woman - you can get RIGHT back on track. I had two terrible days of eating yesterday and the day before (PLUS DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR 3 DAYS IN A ROW!) - I didn't even fitday the intake - because I know it was ***horrid*** Today my scale gave me a slap in the face and told me to *wake up and snap out of it* TODAY ... I am on protein shakes - for the next 2 days - I need a DETOX. Don't beat yourself up. Most of us have been there too! we are here for you hugs, Britt

We can all relate to that! Destroy it during a strong moment and move on. You are doing great and this is just a little bump in the road. Our poor husbands--they must think we are freakin' nuts! We do things they can't even consider... Wanda

I have done exactly the same thing, so you are not alone. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You recognized it, and now you can make a choice to do something about it. I know how uncomfortable the sweats can be. It used to be if I'd eat sugar I would sweat really bad. Since I have had my revision, I don't dump on sugar anymore. But, if I eat too much (like a whole box of Jr. Mints -YIKES!) I will start to feel my cheeks get hot and a bit of a glow come on. Then I stop. How are you doing now?