Been Away and OMG!!!!

Well, let me first apologize for my absence lately... My depression has been really really bad. I almost put myself in the hospital but I had a few things in my life going on that kept me from doing that... Things are not all better yet and I may still go into the hospital but I wanted to update my best cyber friends on ALL that is going on... WOW.. so much to update.... 1. I have not been to my new job in the past couple of weeks due to the depression.... It is just too much for me right now.... I can't really explain it (well, I think I can, but that is a lot to put down).... 2. On November 1st my son (Derek) came home on leave from the Army..... woo hooo.... His flight was delayed almost an hour and it was a late flight to begin with, then we had an hour drive home... I think we got back and like 1am... I am not used to staying up that late.... I was thankful to have him home though.... 3. On November 17the my other son (Justin) came home from his dad's in Texas (for Thanksgiving break and his brother's wedding). I was sooooo happy to see him.... I have missed out on so much of his life the past couple of years with him moving to Texas. 4. Thanksgiving was great... I had all my family together and I ate a little bit of everything and got through another day 5. Saturday November 24th My son Derek got married to my new daughter in law, Maryanne.... Everything was beautiful and turned out great.. I had a hard time enjoying things with my depression being so bad, but I got through it and was happy to welcome Maryanne into our family.... 6. Sunday November 25th, I sent Justin my other son, on a plane back to Texas.. the good bye wasn't that bad because I knew I was going to see him in just 3 more weeks for Christmas break.... I could not go through with him to the gate and had to say good bye at security... I made the hour drive home, only get home and find out his flight was delayed almost 2 hours... we got their early so he sat there for almost 3-1/2 hours... I felt so bad for him.... 7. Monday November26th, I get a call from my son's step mom to let me know that Justin wants to move back to Michigan next month when he comes home from Christmas.... Wooooo Hoooooo I get my son back.... I have a lot of concerns with this, but I am excited about it..... 8. Tuesday November 27th... I get a call from my newly married son, Derek, letting me know that I am going to be a GRANDMA!!!!!! OMG.... I was still getting used to the idea of being a mother in law.... let alone a GRANDMOTHER... and they will not be here, they will be stationed in Louisiana.... So who knows when I will get a chance to see the baby.... OMG!!!! 9. Today, November 29th, We put Derek on a plane to where he is to be stationed with the Army at Ft. Polk Louisiana... I cried like a baby and I will miss him terribly... I wish I could see him at Christmas time. It will be the first time I don't have all my children together on Christmas.... So.... Life has been CHAOS needless to say and I am on an emotional rollercoaster ride... not to mention I hit my one year surgiversary on the 16th.... I think I am done losing weight... but we will see.. maybe if I can lay off the wine a bit, I will drop a little more, but with the way things are going, I need that glass every night... LOL.... So that is all about me lately... Again, I am so sorry for not posting or being around, but I have been reading... I hope to get back to posting again, starting today.... HUGS to all, Shawn M.

I'm so sorry you are feeling depressed right now. Please keep the faith and try to keep your chin up. There's a lot going on in your life right now so just try to focus on the positive and reaffirm how lucky you are in life. I also suffer from depression and when I think about how far I have come from just a year ago, it lifts my spirits and makes me strong. Just know that we all care about you so much and want you to feel better. Get up and get moving! That makes me feel better sometimes also. Do you go to a gym? I can't remember. If not, try that. Get those endorphins moving and it will definitely boost your mood. Take care and call me if you need someone to talk to. (843) 364-0995. Hugs, Susan

Thanks Susan. I don't go to a gym, no time with all the kiddos, but I do have a membership that I pay for.... for nothing... LOL, just another frustration of mine... Know what I mean... It does help to know how far I have come this past year, I think that is part of what is getting me through... Thanks again for the love and support.... HUGS, Shawn M.

Wow lots going on Shawn Hang in there with the depression You are in my prayers Glad to posted an update - I was wondering where you've been what great news about your son moving back and the *new* baby soooo terrific! when is the baby due? Congrats I bet you are glad the wedding is over. thinking of you hugs, Britt

Britt, Yes I am soooo glad that the wedding is done and over... one less stressor on me right now.... I need to get rid of more, but the bills just aren't going away and that is the major one going on right now.... We don't know what to do... DH may take a truck driving job that is over the road, which means he will hardly be home... we have to do something though, his hours keep getting cut and we can pay our bills... Anyway.... enough of that..... The baby is due August 8. I hope I will get the chance to get down there to see them all and the new baby soon after it is born. I still can't believe I am going to be a grandma.... I am in such shock over this all.... I don't know what to feel anymore... My doctor is on top of my meds and tweaking things as needed so hopefully that will help soon... if I am not better by next week he is talking about adding lithium to my array of meds.... I have been on it before and I hate how it makes me feel, but if it gets me out of this funk then I will take it... Well, anyway, thanks for thinking of me, I will try and keep up to date on the board from now on.... HUGS, Shawn M.

This time of year is always hard with $$$$ I wish we could hit LOTTO A girl can dream right? hang in there and know you are being prayed for hugs, Britt

Thanks Britt!!! The $$$ situation is horrible, even without Christmas. We have had to contact Salvation Army for the gifts for the kids this year because we have NO money to buy anything for them. With hubby's hours going down and my ex not paying child support (quit his job), we are in the hole by about $600 a month and we keep borrowing just to stay alive.... I know I am not alone in this and at least DH has a job, but it doesn't make it any easier... Somehow we keep getting through each month... I thank God for that and for all the prayers... Thanks again Britt, you are such a blessing to this board... HUGS, Shawn

You know what's amazing about you? You always say that you are depressed, but your posts always sound positive and upbeat. I'm proud of you! You seem to know how to manage around it! Wanda

Thanks Wanda... I try and keep myself as up as I can lately... It is hard, that is why I have not been posting (I have not been able to even begin to sound positive). Yesterday was a pretty good day and I think the meds are finally starting to kick in... Today is a fairly good day as well... Not the greatest... but better than it has been... With having all these little ones I have learned how to manage around the depression, but again, it is very difficult somedays, somehow I manage though.... Thanks again for your kind and caring words... you are such an inspiration... HUGS, Shawn M.