What to do.....

I have shied away from the boards for a while now due to depression among other things. Back in May (at around my 6 month point) I started having problems with my blood sugar. However, I didn't find out exactly what it was for another month and a half. But as my sugar started crashing Doctor's who knew about my surgery were telling me to eat sugar, as in CANDY!!!! They got slightly more sensible when they said to eat candy with some protein as well. I hated this, I learned exactly how many m&m's I could eat before I got sick. This has become a weakness as so many things that used to just be on my no-no list have been moved to the yes I can eat it list. My weight loss not only stopped at 163, the scale began to move in the wrong direction. I yo-yo'd between 163 and 170. I cried the day I saw that 7 back on my scale. Luckily my sugar has stopped crashing for the most part unless I eat candy or sugary stuff which usually makes it crash. So if I stay away from the bad stuff it rarely crashes and I have found things other than candy to bring it back up. Anyways I am sitting at around 155 (it goes between 153 and 155 so I say the higher amount so I don't get upset when I see it on the scale). Here is my problem, when I was so close to my goal at 6 months out I promised myself that i would hit that goal by my one year anniversary. My husband gets very upset with me because I am very upset that I am more than likely not going to hit my goal. I only have 10 lbs to go on a bad day and 8 on the good ones....but it has been a very long time since I have seen 10 lbs in one month. I need some encouragement here....I am fighting with myself and 3 different eating disorders. The worst of these for me as a gastric patient is Anorexia. Now that I don't have hardly an appetite, this one is the hardest to control. I have to fight myself to eat and to not overeat at the same time as one of the other disorders I fight is Binge-Eating Disorder. I feel as if my body is saying, I am done....and I am just not happy with my body yet. I have tried to accept it but I can't seem to do it. I want to lose more. I want to be back under 150. Most of all I want my BMI under 25 (it's sitting at 27 right now). I feel so lost most of the time and I feel like a failure because I am having such a hard time reaching my goals..... Raven 278/155/145

Raven, Wow, that's quite a bit you are dealing with right now. If you are already just ignore me but it sure seems like you might want to get some help from a professional counselor. These are some major issues you are dealing with! But you can get through them, I sure of it. All of us got to where we were before surgery because we have major disorders in regards to food, body image, and self esteem. The surgery is great and it helps but let me tell you the first thing I want to do when I'm upset is eat, eat, eat!!! It's so frustrating to know that even though I'm close to goal my brain is nowhere near it. You should smack those doctors that told you to eat candy...what in the world were they thinking? There are plenty of natural sugars (like those in fruit) that will have the same effect without killing your success with the surgery. I definitely notice if I eat a lot of refined carbs I totally have a sugar crash. Worse then I ever had before surgery, it's terrible. But it's made me stay away from high carb meals, that's for sure. Or if I am eating carbs I make sure I eat protien first so first of all I don't eat as many carbs and second it balances everything out. Anyway, I say all this to let you know you are not alone and we're all shoulders to cry on here. It's why I love this board!!!!! Hang in there and just keep reminding yourself of how much success you have had! Corinna Q

I am seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder, which let me tell you makes things much more difficult, lol. I was furious with the first two doctors and then when the Endocrinologist also said candy but make it like a snickers so at least I had protein as well, I felt so lost like that had to be the only answer. Then my husband realized just how messed up I was by the fact that I was eating approx. 2000 calories a day just to keep my sugar from getting so low I would pass out. Together we found some low cal solutions to the sugar problem. Actually the natural sugars make my sugar crash faster than anything else. Within 20 minutes of eating fruit, my sugar is in the 50's. If I wait another 10 minutes it is down into the 30's and I am very close to passing out. So I try to stay away from the fruits that do cause this. I have found that rice cakes bring my sugar up without making it crash quickly afterwards. Trail mix also helps. These are some lower calorie solutions that have helped me immensely. I try to remind myself of how far I have come but when the scale has moved so little for so long after moving so much for so long, it does get difficult. I am working very hard to rid myself of my eating disorders, or I should say get them under control because I know first hand that they never really go away but you can get them to where they no longer rule your life, you do. Thank you all for the kind words. I will try to keep up the courage to post and share even when I do not feel I can. Blessings, Raven 278/155/145

Raven, the candy idea as a form of medical treatment is crazy. I just read Pretty Dove's advice to me "run everything by the bariatric surgeon." That applies here too. I work in the medical profession so I know that 10 different professionals will give you 10 different opinions. I'm sure your bariatric surgeon would have nipped that i the bud and saved you months of agony. As far as your goals--they are just guidelines. Goals should be dynamic and changeable as needed. Those of us who suffer with our conditions tend to be rigid thinkers. It's all black or it's all white. Give yourself a break. Your goal was a number you set early in this journey. Things change. Your overall weight loss is great. The most important thing is protecting your health. The eating disorders will cause you suffering and damage your health. Let eliminating those from your life be your goal--regardless of what the scale says. Corinna is right--see a professional that can help you through that. Right now that's the only thing that matters. Isolating keeps us a prisoner of our disease. Don't let it take your support system away. Keep posting, even when you don't want to. Good luck and keep in touch.

Raven, Too many times we focus too much on the date we assign to our goal instead of the goal itself. Your goal weight is 145. That is what your focus should be, not the time frame. I will tell you I am as guilty of this as anyone. My next "goal" was 199 by 1 year post op. That is just not going to happen for me. So, I have thought, prayed and posted about the situation. Now I realize that my goal has not changed. My goal is to see onederland. My body sets the time frame. All I can do is stay on track and follow the rules. I do what I can to make myself successful. I will not obsess about things that I can not contol. I have enough to obsess over with the things I can or at least, think I can control. I hope you visit us more often. People on this board are very helpful and supportive. We support in good times and bad. So, don't shy away. Come on in and join the fun! Hugs, Valorie