Eating Eating Eating all the time !!!

Hi Nov buddies: I'm really happy with my weight loss. So far, I've lost 150 lbs from my highest weight of 329. I feel great ! But, to reach my personal goal, I'd like to lose at least 20 more lbs. But, it's impossible !! Here I am at just over 10 mos out and all I do is think about food. I'm eating sooo much more than I thought I'd be able to eat. And I'm grazing all the time. So now, instead of fearing that I'll never lose this last 20 lbs, I'm TERRIFIED I'm going to gain all my weight back. I don't know what's wrong with me. I was so good early out, only eating 3 meals a day and not being hungry at all. Then, after a few months, I started adding in healthy snacks. Did fine,,,only ate a specific amount at a specific time. And then BOOM, I don't know what happened. I've quit measuring my food and it seems I'm eating all the time. For instance, today I was at work at 6 am and before noon I had already eaten 4 times. Unbelieveable----I'm so disappointed with myself,,,I just want to kick myself. I didn't go thru this surgery and lose all this weight just to FAIL and I feel that's exactly what I'm doing. I feel like I know what I need to do....I've offered this same advice to others, but it's like I can't seem to kick my rear into gear. I need to go back to basics and maybe try just doing protein drinks for a couple of days to get rid of the cravings for carbs that I'm having. But, I can't seem to find the motivation to do it. Everyday, I say to myself,,,today will be better...and then I'll goof up and say I'll start doing better tomorrow. It's becoming an endless cycle. So far, I haven't gained any weight.....technically I'm loosing and gaining the same 2 - 3 lbs. But, that's bound to end if I don't get myself under control. And to add insult to injury, I've been fighting constipation something awful. I now have an anal fissure and that makes BM's so painful (TMI sorry). My surgeon's office has me taking stool softeners twice daily, Benefiber daily and Milk of Magnesia every other day to try to correct the constipation issue. We are hoping the fissure will heal up without surgery. I guess I just needed to get this out there......anyone else struggling ? Loretta

I am just about in the same boat as you.. minus the constipation... I keep bouncing between 182 - 186.... I do good and drop the weight, then I gain it back, then I drop it again... I guess it is better than gaining it and keeping it there, but I still want to get down to 160... I keep saying I will do better tomorrow as well, but tomorrow never seems to come... I feel your pain Loretta... I wish I could offer up some advice but we both know what we both need to do... it is just a matter of doing it.... We have come so far to let these stupid temptations get the better of us... we HAVE to stay strong and we WILL!!!! Best of luck to you Loretta!!!! I know you can do it... Shawn M.

Hey Shawn, Great new avitar! Look how skinny you are. You might want to lose more lbs but you really do look great! Hugs, Valorie

Thanks so much!!! I still have the mind of that person that was 309 when I started and it is hard to see otherwise right now, but when I see pictures I don't know who that is in the picture... LOL... It is so hard to see one thing in the mirror, have others tell you one thing, and see something else in pictures.... I know you probably know what I mean, but it sure is a rough thing to deal with.... Thank again for the compliment.... Shawn M.

Shawn, Thanks for your kind words. You're right, we do know what to do, we just have to make ourselves do it. Tomorrow is a new day !! Loretta

Hi LORETTA! First off .... Congratulations on losing 150 pounds Second - You are NOT alone. Read my blog!!! my 2 last entries "WHY???" and "A *NEW* DAY" I have 3 pounds to goal and had a very difficult few days. I can totally relate to "tomorrow I will do better!" THANK GOD as Of today I finally feel that I'm back on track. It can be very frustrating!!! We are not perfect. Some days are sooooo easy and others SOOOOOOOOO hard! Lastly -you can get to your personal goal - I do NOT think its impossible! YOU have lost 150 pounds .... YOU CAN certainly lose 20 more. I think that YOU are smart reaching out for a little CONGRATS!!!! It drives me crazy ... how easily our bad habits can creap back in if we allow them to. For "us" ... this is for life. We have to accept that "WE" have to make the right choices *all the time* in order to keep this weight off! If I do not make the RIGHT choices - My scale is REMINDS me! (I am not saying that we can't *have* "something" - I am just saying we need to make wise decisions - and not go overboard) hang in there! Refocus and take it ONE day at a time!!! Hugs, Britt

Britt, Thanks for the encouragement. I looked at your last two blog posts and BOY, did they hit home ! I'm so frustrated right now that I've allowed my bad habits back in. Pre-op, I would come home after work and eat something right before dinner. Most times, it was almost enough to be an actual meal AND then still have a big dinner. Post-op I quit doing that. But, just in the last couple of weeks, I find myself doing that again. UGH I must MAKE myself get back on track. Loretta

I'm really struggling with eating the right quantity of food right now too. It's been since the doc told me that I wouldn't lose any more weight. I think I'm letting his words seep in and dictate my reality. Britt recommended a book called The Beck Diet Solution. I just received my copy and the workbook. The book deals with changing your thinking to be more like the way a thin person thinks. It doesn't reference or advocate any certain diet. The workbook is suppose to help us change one aspect a day for a period of six weeks. I've only scanned through the first few pages and I already feel as if it's helped me. I especially wanted to recommend this book to Valorie who has to deal with sabotaging co-workers. It deals with that issue plus every other type of challenge we have to deal with. Loretta, I' sorry about the fissure. Take good care of yourself. Those can get really painful. Was it caused by the constipation?

Ok, count me in on the "tomorrow I will do better" club. Everyday is a challenge and most days lately the challenge gets the better of me. I just seem to have a deep hunger that is begging to be satisfied. I am so afraid that my portion size has gotten out of control and that my pouch is now stretched. For instance....the office had pizza yesterday and I ate 2 whole pieces! Crust and all. It took me about 1 hour to get it down and I was so disgusted afterwards that I went to the bathroom to cry! Wanda and Britt, thanks for the book recommendation. I had forgotten about this book. Where did you get your copy? I need to order it today if it was on Amazon or similar. I know I say this often but THIS BEHAVIOR MUST STOP! I must get myself under control or my goals will fall by the wayside. Thanks and good luck to all, Valorie Quote to remember from one of our weekly weigh-ins. I wrote this down and keep it on my desk at work. "Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." It is all about making new, healthy habits.

Valerie Thanks for your reply. I know exactly what you mean about the pizza. We ordered pizza on Monday evening and I ate 2 pieces. I couldn't believe it--used to I could only get thru 1 small piece--if I was lucky. I feel like my pouch has doubled in size overnight. AACK !! I can't decide if I'm depressed because I'm eating more and feeling like a failure OR if I was depressed beforehand and using food to soothe myself. Whichever, like you say, it's about making new healthy habits !! Good luck Loretta