Need some uplifting

Hi friends, I'm finding I'm going through some difficult stuff right now and could really use some good thoughts and prayers if you are the praying kind. Some things have come to light from Henry's past that have not been dealt with completely and we are in the process of dealing with that. Lots of unknown with that right now. But emotionally, it's taking it's toll on me and us. I'm trying to stay even for my kids and figure out what to tell them after we have a plan for dealing with it. Henry's grandma died yesterday. She was 91. We will probably not be able to go to her funeral because of cost and this other situation we are dealing with. My job. It's very stressful right now and I'm really far behind. We keep hiring new people, and that should help me some, but getting through this crunch will be difficult. We are doing a new build out at work, and I'm in charge of furniture. What a nightmare! And we are up against a time deadline for dealing with that. My aunt is dying. She was given 2 weeks to live a week ago. She is going into kidney failure after two successful treatments for lung cancer. She has osteoporosis and is in alot of pain. I have not been able to even check on her in the last two days because of the first situation above. My kids. I'm working SO many hours I am not home to see them. They are only 10 and 13 and home by themselves all day. They make messes fending for themselves for meals and when I get home I'm overwhelmed by the amount of work they have created for me. And they complain and have an entitlement attitude that just makes me sad. I feel like a failure as a mom. Money it tight, and getting tighter as we deal with situation #1 above. And paying off the wedding. And then there is my concern for my weight. I'm holding my own at 110, but it's a real effort. And I'm not feeling well at all. My stomach is always churny and gurgly. I have diarrhea daily and am taking at least 6 imodium a day. I just feel sick all the time. I had a vision flash in my brain last night that I was lying in a hospital bed hooked up to a feeding tube, looking like a skeleton, dying. All the emotions I have going on are not helping with my fear related to my weight and ultimately, health. There's more, but those are the big things. Any words or thoughts of encouragement are appreciated. I feel bad for asking. Like I'm a weak person. But I know I'm not. It's just a tough time for me right now. Thanks for reading of you got this far.

Kim, You are under a tremendous amount of stress. I can't even imagine how hard it is to deal with all of it. The work situation alone is hard not to mention your worry over the kids and the frustration over the extra work they leave for you. Then, you had to plan for and now have to pay for the wedding, adjust to being a newlywed and then the new additional problem. Added to that, the death and illness of family members, it's a wonder you can even get out of bed in the morning. However, what I'm most concerned about is your continuing diarrhea. Something isn't right. I can't recall your saying that you've had any sort of tests/scans to figure out why your are having this? Also, I didn't start reading this board until a couple of months after surgery and I've never understood what a "mini gastric bypass" is. Could you tell me more about that? Please, please call your surgeon or go have some tests to find out what is going on. If you are having diarrhea constantly, you aren't getting the nutrition your body so deperately needs. If you don't take care of yourself first, you won't be able to care for the kids, Henry or anyone else. And, how about making the kids clean up their own messes!!! Please take care of yourself and REST over the weekend - after calling your doctor!!! CeCe

Thanks for your reply CeCe. I am on top of the health stuff. I have been working closely with my PCP and my surgeon for the past several months. My labs are mostly in the normal range with a slight dip in hemoglobin to 11.9 (12.0 is low end of normal), and I am taking a potassium supplement to keep that up as it was a bit low. Everything else is good. So my general health is good, but my stomach just feel icky all the time. I saw my surgeon less than a month ago (he is in Las Vegas. I am in Portland). He said I may be a candidate for a revision. It appears that he may have bypassed too much intestine for what I needed to lose and that is why I am so low. The mini gastric bypass makes a small pouch/sleeve for the stomach and hooks that new portion into the side of the intestine after bypassing a portion. In my case it was 6 feet. Six feet is a standard bypass. However, 6 feet can result in loss up to 140 lbs. I only needed to lose about 80. His experience has shown that in people he was doing a shorter bypass on (3 1/2 to 4 feet) would return to have more bypassed because they weren't losing enough. So he has changed to typically start thinking of 6 feet as a starting point. I think the fact that I was a lightweight is why the 6 feet ended up being too much. The honeymoon phase (losing phase) of this surgery is typically up to 18 months. I am out 8 months so nearly 1/2 way. My weight loss has slowed from about 10 lbs. per month to 3 this last month. But it's been a real effort. So I can try to work through this period by eating and trying to stay at a healthy weight, and at the end of the honeymoon period expect a 10 to 20 lb. weight gain rebound. Or I can consider a revision where he will hook up my intestines back together but leave the stomach small. My surgeon has put me on some enzymes that are supposed to help me increase absorption of fats and nutrients. And I am pretty much trying to up my calories as much as possible. As much as I can accommodate in my system. You know it's hard to eat large quantities, so I eat all day. I think I have some problems tolerating some starches. I am also severely lactose intolerant so taking lactase for that. Sugar also contributes to my not feeling well, so I avoid that as much as possible. Natural sugars in fruit seem to be ok, though. On the kids, I DO make the kids clean up. But it's just a constant battle. At 13 I feel I shouldn't have to remind her to put her dishes in the dishwasher and wipe the counter down. They should remember NOT to leave their empty glasses and dishes on the table without me harping at them all the time. I do make them accountable, but it's just tiring on top of all this. I was just griping.

((((((((((((((( KIM )))))))))))))))))) I really don't know what to say other than I will keep you and everyone around you in my prayers... I hope things start to get better soon for you all. You really are going through a lot and need to find time to take care of you... Best of luck to you and may God be with you during such a difficult time... Shawn M.

Thank you Shawn. This morning I e-mailed my surgeon to let him know of my difficulties. Despite how I feel now, I actually am seeing positive progress. I am holding my own at about 110 lbs., not falling below. And my bathroom habits have decreased considerably from 5-6 times a day to 2-3. I just got a reply from my surgeon and he said to increase the immodium and take my enzymes all at the beginning of the meals. He said my body will adjust and if I can hang through this period, I should be ok. He is also willing to consider a revision based on how I feel. So at least I have some options. Thank you for your prayers...

Kim, You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. This should be one of the happiest times of your life. A new husband, career advancement and a life changing weight loss are all good things. It is unfortunate that each of these things comes to you with difficulty attached. Have faith and keep your chin up! This too shall pass. I am glad to know you are in close contact with you Doc's about the eating/stomach issues. To most of us who are still struggling to reach our goals, it is hard to imagine the struggling you must do to maintain weight. Although it is hard to imagine, we can definitely empathize. We could be in the same situation ourselves someday. (some sooner than others) The most serious issue seems to be the diarrhea. I suffered with extreme bouts myself before surgery where I would go 6-8 times per day. It is hard on the body and the mind. Just make sure you follow your doc's orders to the letter. You must keep hydrated and nourished as best you can. Have you found any protein drinks that you can tolerate? I know you were searching a couple of weeks ago and I didn't hear if you were successful. Let us know if we can make any further recommendations. I know we all have our favorites and are willing to share knowledge. Another thing you need to do is REST! I know it is easy to say but difficult to achieve. With the kids and work, there is probably little time for YOU. Really though, you have to MAKE time to relax and rest. You have to come first or everyone suffers. Let us know if we can do anything to help. We are here for you and we don't think you are griping or whining. You just need a little emotional support and that is what we are GOOD at! Take care, Valorie

Hi Valorie, Thanks for your kind words. I DID find some protein shakes. I just went to the canned ones because they don't seem so nasty. I am drinking the Atkins Advantage and the EAS brand. They are a bit spendy, but at this point I think I need to do what will work. And this seems to have helped the loss to stop. I didn't realize how tired I was. Today, I got up at 10:00, took care of the animals, went downstairs, ate, turned on the TV and promptly fell asleep. I didn't wake up until 4:00. I must have really needed the extra sleep. I do feel better now. I ate again and decided I better get online and start answering some mail. Thanks for letting me vent. I do feel better just having gotten it out.

Kim, First of all, my prayers are with you. I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time in what should be one of the happiest times in your life. I hope you are able to take some time out for yourself to get your thoughts in order and attempt to reduce your stress. Without personally knowing you, I do not believe you are failing as a Mom, you are just overstressed and this creates overemotions. This stress will pass, please try and remind yourself of this. If they are this bad, they can only improve... I wish I could reach a hand out to you and help you along. If there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to PM me. I really mean it, I will do anything I can from the distance that is between us. HUGS and PRAYERS Christy

Thank you Christy. It really helps to come here and know that people care. You are right. I am overstressed and over-emotional. Plus, I just realized I have let an important thing slip the last 2 weeks, and that is my anti-depressants. I have not remembered to take them. Since I added all the enzymes, my routine is all messed up. I'm sure it will help me to get back on those regularly. I'm finding I'm pretty short tempered lately. Now I know why. Thank you for your response.

Hey Kim, First off BIG (((HUGS))) and please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!!!! The unknown is scary. You have so much going on right now!!!! You guys are being challenged early on in your marriage. Stay strong, keep focused and have faith that you will get through this and be stronger in the end. Sorry to hear about Henery's grandma too your Job sounds soooooo stressful right now ....UGH! Prayers to your Aunt. YOU are not failing as a MOM you are doing what you have to to get though a situation and provide for your family. Bills still have to get pain ... right? Talk to your kids and explain you need their help right now - and that you UNDERSTAND it being hard with you working so much right now. Tell them YOU also wish you were home having fun with them!!!! $$$$ being tight Stinks (period!) . Don't let your health take a back seat while dealing with EVERYTHING else you have to deal with right now. YOU do not need to end up in the hospital. Keep your surgeon in the loop like you have been. If you feel you are having trouble maintaining your weight - I'd consider the revision. Do you think you could continue to deal with the diarrhea and taking 6 imodium a day????? That just doesn't sound helthy!!! Anyway - hang in there and keep us posted! prayers and hugs your way Britt