OT- More Kids???

Well, I am so thankful everyday for this surgery. I am now 1.25 lbs from my new goal of 140 lbs. Most of you probably don't know but i was not able to have children due to issues that created my weight problems (PCOS). After thousands of dollars and years of infertility treatments, I ended up with one ectopic pregnancy and almost had a nervous breakdown with that loss. Fortunately, God had a plan in my life and I adopted a baby boy about a year after the ectopic, my son was born the same day as I was due during the ectopic pregnancy. I can say it with one word, MIRACLE...... In 2005, after chickening out of WLS the first time, I gave in and had a complete hysterectomy. It never bothered me as I had my miracle baby. Lately, it is starting to get to me as I think maybe if I would have had the surgery in 2004, I would have never had or needed the hysterectomy. Don't get me wrong, I always wanted to adopt but just wonder what I am missing out on. Sometimes, lately it depressed me. Anyway, that it just my rant for the moment, thanks for reading. On to what I do have in this world, I have more energy and am ready for more children. We do not have the financial means at this time (with daycare costs over $ 600.00 a month) to pursue a private agency adoption as we did previously. We are pursuing adoption through the state foster/adoption care system. We just finished the required educational classes and are waiting our homestudy process to begin. I am secretly hoping for a baby and a toddler but I guess I will have to wait to see what is in store for us. Wish us luck, I am sure that this is going to be a long bumpy road ahead in dealing with our state and it's workers....................I think that is the biggest part of my issue right now, I am wishing I could pursue a private adoption and give my son a baby brother/sister..............I feel like he may be losing out on something. Thanks for reading (listening) HUGS Christy

I really admire you. It takes a special person to open your heart and your arms to a child through adoption. God has a plan and a purpose for your life. Second guessing when you should have had surgery is not good for you. You will never know if that would have changed your outcome or not so don't let those thoughts diminish your joy. When you do get another child, you will cheri**** all the more for the struggles that it takes to get one. Keep your energy focused on all of the positive aspects of your life. Hopefully you feel better soon.

Thank you Wanda, you are right, I don't know for sure if it would have changed my outcome and 99% of the time, I am fine with it. Till very recently, it was 100% of the time. I think it is just that 1 % that is getting me down. Probably a little apprehension over the homestudy process and knowing this time it is not going to be as easy as we are working with a state social worker and not a private social worker that we hired... I really have always wanted to open my heart and home to children from the state system ( hopefully siblings) and I just have to tell myself that is the rainbow at the end of the tunnel..... I dont have these thoughts often, I just happened to get vocal with my thoughts today. Thank you for your kind words.... Christy

Christy, I really admire you that you are going through the state system for your next adoption. So many of those kids need the chance at an amazing home that they just wouldn't get otherwise! I feel very strongly that everything happens for a reason whether we like it or not at the time. If you had been ready to have WLS in 2004 you would have done it then...since you weren't, you didn't. Our state of mind is just as important as the actual surgery and if your mind wasn't there and you did it anyway you might have been one of those people who don't get the amazing results you have gotten. I understand those moments of ...if only... But I bet your end result will be more than you hoped for, not just with the surgery but with your desire for more children. Just continue to be patient and it will come!! Good luck to you and congratulations on being so close to your goal!!! Corinna Q

Thank you for your kind words and yes I know you are right, it is just those moments of weakness that I feel like this. I just never had these feelings until we started this process, it must be the apprehension over the homestudy (someone coming in and evaluating every aspect of your life and the changes I have to make to our home) and the unknown. I know it has all been God's plan for me........ I remember thinking when I had the hysterectomy that it had to be God's plan as I sailed through the surgery without any issues, I could have gone back to work the next week. Also, it was the hysterectomy that gave me the courage to have this surgery. I knew once I sailed through a hysterectomy that I could easily have this surgery. HUGS Christy

Christy, Your son .... that specific child was "meant to be" in your arms. Your son needed a mommy and you needed a child, GOD saw it was a perfect fit and made it happen. Your feelings of 'missing out' are your feelings and they are real. WOULDA - SHOULDA -COULDA thinking can drive you Deal with those feelings - and then move on (i'm not trying to be harsh - this is all said lovingly ) ... look at your amazing - - past, present and now your amazing future - as an active - healthy mom!!!! I was BLESSED by GOD and his awesome plans for my family when we adopted our three daughters. I have a small business and help couples create their adoption profiles. I will tell you what I tell my couples ... CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU ARE EXPECTING! - think about it that way, and know that it WILL happen ... YOU just don't have a 'due date' during your "pregnancy!"You won't have a W-E--I-G-H-T problem during this "pregnancy" you will have a W-A-I-T problem I feel just the opposite. I have NO desire to become pregnant. Nor do I feel like I missed out on anything!!! (THINK about your adoption journey and what an exciting - SPECIAL - time that was) IN fact after losing weight - I AVOID pregnancy and use birth control (I NEVER had to worry about that before)!!!! We pursued infertility before adoption and were given the "unexplained infertility" title. After 5 failed IUI's and 5 IVF's and 2 miscarriages ... we began our journey with private adoption 9 months later my first daughter was placed into my arms. I knew that THIS was how my family was "meant" to be born ... through the miracle of adoption. When she was 1 year old we started our adoption journey again. We always hoped for three children and wished for twins ... GOD knew what was in our hearts and BLESSED us with two more daughters only 3 months apart! I think its wonderful that you are choosing to go through the state - - be very specific and let them know what your 'hearts desire' is to complete your family and give your son a sibling ( s)! What an exciting time you are embarking on now -- enjoy your journey to your next miracle baby (S) and know this is how YOU were meant to become a MOMMY! KEEP US POSTED. hugs, Britt

Thanks Britt, I had no idea your daughters were adopted. They look like you and your husband and definately look like they are sisters. Glad to know I am not the only one with this situation in my history. I had PCOS but my infertility was "unexplained" also. My reproductive oncologist saw no reason why I could not/would not get pregnant and wanted me to keep trying, it was just tooooooooo hard. I remember the relief I felt when I decided it was time to stop the madness and move towards adoption. I had always wanted to adopt, I just thought I would have one natural child and adopt several more. I have always felt like you, after adoption, no desire to become pregnant. After thinking about it for a few days, I am convinced that all of my feelings are coming from the apprehension over going through the homestudy process. The state guidelines are so strict and they almost try to scare you off, unlike our previous private adoption homestudy. I am feeling fine about it now and know that once the homestudy process is over and approved the apprehension will be gone. I appreciate your kind words and support more than I could ever express. HUGS Christy

Christy, I know the home study process can be nervewracking, but as you know all the strict guidelines are there to make sure the kids are in good, safe, loving hands. You sure have to be diligant to get through all the (never-ending) paperwork required. Take a deep breathe and GO FOR IT!!! I am so excited for you and your family. I cannot wait to hear about the expectant arrival of your newest family member (s). Please keep me posted here is my email [email protected] and know that you and your family are in my thoughts. hugs, Britt

BY THE WAY .... Congrats on your weight loss - YOU ARE SOOOOOOO close to gaol ....AMAZING HUGS, Britt