I am 2 years out and have lost 140 pounds but I have alot of excess skin hanging around and I have been trying for the last year to get it taken care of but it seems like no one wants to help anyone that doesn't have insurance coverage!!!! I am in a very DEEP depression and I feel like just giving up on life !!! Why did I go through all this just to feel like I am ugly and disgusting looking!!! I need help!!!! I need to get the surgery done to take off all the excess skin!!! I need help before I end up taken my own life!!! HELP ME PLEASE!!! Wendi

This must be a popular time for the surgery! Here's my reflection. It has now been two years since my surgery. I kind of feel like I'm at the "closure" point on the first leg of this journey. Now the rest will be ongoing maintanance. I'm down to about 160 (give or take depending on the time of month) for a stable weight. My original goal was 170, so I'm past that. I now wear an 8-10 in tops and a 12-14 in pants. My BMI is in the overweight category. Blood pressure, cholesteral, etc. are all fine. My B12 is a bit low, so I'll supplement my monthly shots with some sublingual pills to help that. But in terms of health, I am doing great. My only "complications" have been constipation--fiber is my friend--and a reaction to the red dye #40 in the Flintstones. I do throw up now and again if I eat too fast, don't chew well enough, or eat something too sweet (such as my beloved Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream but I don't need that anyway.) It is strange to think of the physical changes over the last two years. I have gone from hurting so much that I couldn't even go to the store for more than fifteen minutes to being able to take hour long walks. My knees still give me grief, but I can sleep at night without the constant knee and back pain. And when I get up, I don't start off the day dreading it and thinking of myself as monterous. No more Jabba the Hut in the mirror. I've never been a high energy person--no type A in me--but I can now go as long as I want rather than not even doing anything because of the pain. I still may not do my dishes like I should, but it isn't because I hurt too much to stand at the sink! It is such a pleasure to be able to feel like I quite literally fit into the world now. I don't fret about chairs in public--I now fit--or on a bus or airplane. I go to the symphany now because I don't have to worry about not fitting in the seats (now if they were only decent muscians!). I can get through tight spaces--and some that just look tight--without feeling ashamed of my need for more space. In some ways, I now feel like I have the right to the space I take. That was a big childhood issue for me, so that is a big change. It is diffifcult to put some of the emotional and psychological issues down clearly. But I remember the first time I felt like I had a right to medical service. Before there was always the obesity between me and any health care issue. Clearly I wasn't taking care of myself, so what right did I have to medical care? Maybe it is more of the shame factor. But now, while I still have my reservations about the medical profession, I at least feel like I have the right to get the care. And until I change doctors, I won't have to be harped at about being overweight! They know where I started. I suspect now the focus will be more on the emotional and psychological issues that I need to work on while I maintain the weight loss. I have noticed lately the re-emergence of feelings and fears that I have had to deal with before, but now I have to address without the numbing of food. I still have to deal with my desire for acknowledgement--so often I feel invisible--and purpose. And of course loneliness. But these are issues other people have to deal with as well. And now that the weight is off, at least I can try to meet more people to build a better social network. Now when people reject me though, it will becasue they reject me and not just my size--that's a bit scary! I have found that I am able to see aspects of my personality that I really didn't think so much about before. In the past I would do things that were a bit bold and just chalk it up to necessity. But now I see that I really do have a daring streak in me. I moved half way cross the country--alone and to a place I knew no one when I was 19--just to get a fresh start. Now I can see how that willingness to take big steps and make major changes is really a part of who I am. I need to find a way to recognize that as a good thing and use it to support my sense of self. So what have been some of the challenges: Eating lukewarm food Eating slowly--especially in the company of others Finding suitable breakfast foods The cost of replacing multiple wardrobes Not going overboard talking to friends about wls Eating when I don't feel like it but need to Throwing away food Eating protein in summer Getting tired of chewing Exercising--too boring, too sweaty, too early in the morning Having my sleep habits change Figuring out how to dress my new body shape Still having cravings during PMS Filling up the time I used to spend eating But on to the cheerier things: small things that mean a lot to me now-- I can cross my legs I can paint my toenails I can shop in regular stores I don't feel guilty at the grocery store--let them see what I'm buying! I can go braless (post reduction surgery) I can be seen in a swimsuit with only a bit of trepidation because of my legs I can sit in the middle seat of an airplane without "spill over" I can wear sexy lingere I can rake my own leaves (next summer it's mowing!) I look good I can turn over in bed without major effort I can fit into my Miata I can try new things that might even be embarrassing I can be just me with all my flaws and virtues and go with it. Now my goal is to maintain the loss and maybe get down to 158 so I can hit the 240 pound loss. That just rolls off the tongue a bit easier than 238! If I could ever afford it (lottery gods listening?!), I would have my legs done and my butt lifted. And a nip and tuck in the neck area wouldn't be too bad either! I'm having the area above my elbows worked on a bit more in a couple of weeks. I just had so much excess skin in the arms that it was tough for them to get it all and keep the right shape. I also had a breast reduction--and while I am not 100 percent pleased with it, I think that the issue again goes back to my original shape and amount that needed removing. I'm a tough smaller than I had planned--a B instead of a C--but in the long run that's okay. I even had to buy a padded push up bra! Me who was in a J cup. What wonderful irony. But now I get to buy the pretty bras instead of the old grandma bras built like architectural structures. But I think it was the tummy tuck that made the biggest impact on how I see my body. Finally, I could actually see my body as a normal female. I don't have to wear a panty girdle (not that I still couldn't use one to stop the jiggle in back); I don't have that roll that made me feel so self conscious, and I guess it just made me feel, well normal. I can buy the cute panties instead of the briefs because now I don't hang out of the legs. So what plans do I have for next year? Well, first of course is to keep off the weight and maybe lose a bit more. Just to get the pants more comfortable and in line with the top. But I do also need to get myself out a bit more and meet new people and do new things. So, I think I'll try taking a rock climbing lesson as we have the climbing wall in town. And horseback riding. I'm not all that comfortable around big animals, so maybe that will be a good way to get over that as well as a new activity. And I am thinking of trying out a local singles dance that does line dancing. I have next to no coordination, but I have always loved the idea of being able to dance. Also, I need to start looking for a new job. I don't want to stay here much longer, and this is the last year of the grant. It's always good to go when things are up rather than down. So that's my two year reflection. Of course, no blog could really capture what it has been like fully, but it is good to have a summary. It has been such a wonderful thing for me. I do hope everyone else has such a great experience.

It has been a remarkable venture to say the least. I am soooo close to goal but yet so far, I know those who have traveled this journey know actually what I mean. I have been battling those carb deamons, trying to sooth the over stressed life But hey just checking in and giving you all a shout!!!

Started: 268 Best Day: 117 (I wouldn't call that my best day.. I looked sick) Worse Day: Hmm.. didn't really have one Today: 123 Can't belive it has been 2 years... I read somewhere ..&.. I don't know if this is true or not but anyway I had read that at our 2 year mark is when some start putting the weight back on. I have learned so much about the right kind of eating that I don;t really worry about gaining. What I am having trouble with is all of a sudden I am experiencing low blood sugar. My surgeon told me that this is a study they are looking into because it seems to effect us (being 2+ years out) Anyone else dealing with this? Have a great day! Kim

Dear Mindi, Congratulations on your success and here's hoping you'll find some relief from the complications. I'm sorry to read that they haven't been able to identify just what is going on. There aren't many really good doctors where I live, so I am always a bit concerned that if an issue is "standard textbook" I won't get the best information. I think it is great that you seem pretty realistic about your situation--there are so many of us with body issues that it is always good to have a dash of realistic expectations. I'll be posting my two year aniversary reflections as well later this month, so you've given me some things to consider. Good luck, Sally