Eating and Images

Hello everyone. I am going to start to be more apart of the community here. I have posted but rarely. I am 5 months out almost. Had surgery on Nov 2nd. I have lost 68 lbs. I know I am doing great my surgeon says I am very healthy and doing great. Lately I have been having image issues. Not real bad though just the passing by the mirror or a store window at night and seeing my image. I cant believe it is me. Its not like I am a size 3 or somethign. I ama size 20 and 236lbs still. My highest weight was 390lbs so I know I have lost a person. But no matter how my logic steps in and says this is you. My emotional side says not real. I guess I am so use to gaining back everything and I know it is different this time. I had a issue friday. I went to a resturant for a going away party for a friend. This resturant I was shocked nothing on th emenu I could eat it was all fried and the soup was a heavy cream chicken and rice. They had chili but I didnt want to try it . I am still dealing with an inflammed pouch. So surgeon said no acids for another 60 days. Im anemic and all my iron has made my pouch still be inflammed. ANyways I realized I was about to cry. so I took the keys and went to the car. Hubby just asked if I was ok I told him I needed a moment to myself. I went to the car and flicked down the visor adn tried even giving myself a pep talk. It is just food adn your emotional attachment is why Igot to be 390lbs. The tears just flew. This shocked me I havent reacted to food like this ever. I even had a protein bar with me so if I actually got hungry i had food. But I was mad because it was the tavern food I wanted and reality stuck to me. See in the past I just stayed positive and said there is always somethign on the menu I could have and havent run into a problem with the menus anywhere me or my hubby have gone until now. Later that night I realized I was actually greiving for the loss of food. So things are better now. I knew it might happen you read other talking about it btu I thought not me I will talk through the issues, and then wamm there was nothign I could do about it. It happened. So nomatter how together you think you are, you never know what your brain will sneak things up on you.

Amy; You are doing absolutely amazing! I know what you mean about the image issues. I don't really recognize my face in the mirror anymore. It kind of freaks me out. I haven't had any of the issues of mourning food. The best thing is you are realizing your issues and dealing with them. Are you attending any in-person support groups? Those can be a great help in the food greiving process. Blessings, Jennifer 253 / 187 / ???

Yeah I am going to a support group in fact I also lead a group here on the AFbase. Thank you for all of your kind words they mean alot. Amy

Hi Amy, I had a very similar experience. When I was finished crying in the bathroom, I thanked God for saving me from myself. Went back to the table, and ate the ff cheese stick I had brought with me. Now I try to look on line at the nutrition information at the restaurant we may want to go to. I wasn't able to do that once, but asked if they had nutrition info. they brought me a store copy and I found that there were a few things I could eat that I would not have known about just by looking at the menu. Best wishes to you. You will be fine. God bless you, Annette

Thank you for the response. yeah now that I think about it I probably could have had the buffalo chicken wings. But also I dont normally go to taverns. So I have never had this experience till now. Thank you for th ewords of encouragement. Amy

Hi Amy! I think you are doing great! I know what you mean about resturants. I am so intimidated when I go to a new place, because I am just not sure what to order. I have always been able to select something off the menu with ease, and since surgery I get anxious going to a new place and having to order. I have found that if I relax and take my time, I can order something that meets my needs. I often ask for veggies with no butter or sauce, or everything on the side. I have even asked an all fried place for soemthing baked, and they did it. Don't be scared to ask questions, you will be suprised. Most places try to accomodate. I am in love with my face. Sometimes I just stare at the mirror. I am not being arrogant, but I haven't seen myself look this way in years and I am so happy! Clothed, I like the rest of me- but not naked! LOL! Have a great Wed! Hugs, Carla