Hubby not attracted to me anymore :(

Is anyone else having this problem? My husband was so supportive thru everything.. the surgery.. the weight loss.. the excerise.. until about ten pounds ago. Now he claims I am too thin for him (5'3 and 143 pounds... far from thin) and he hates to touch me. I feel so unattractive when it comes to him right now. If he hugs me he complains he can feel my ribs.. feel my spine.. hates the collar bone look. My mother told me that this is his fears talking and his problem and not mine but for the first time in our 21 year marriage I feel like he don't care and I am a disappointment to him. He thinks I need to put 10 pounds back on and that is just not going to happen. Am I just being a whiner.. I read often how weight loss changes people and relationships but I never thought it was going to change him or the way he thought about me. I love him heart and soul but he is making me feel miserable. Any advice? Kim

Kim, I am so sorry that you are going through this! I have a very supportive husband, hopefully he will continue to be throughout, we shall see. I would suggest that you both speak with your bariatric counselor if you still are able. I do tend to agree with your mom however, that this does sounds like one of his issues, and it is a big issue. Just remember where you have come from and why you had this surgery to begin with. I know strains on our marriages our tough, but our vows were through thick and thin sickness and health, and right now your thin and health are for you to enjoy. I would try having a heart to heart with hubby and see if there is anyhing else going on to bring up all of this sudden change of heart for him. Could be he is jealous that you are smaller than him, or maybe he feels threatened that he doesn't look good enough for you anymore, or afraid that you will stray, who knows.I know we do talk about this from time to time at group and it is hard. I am sorry that I can not be of more help to you, just know that I am thinking of you and hoping for the best outcome for you! Hugz Dawn

Kim, Yers ago I lost weight and weighed 138 pounds - 5' 3 1/2." Like you I thought "far from thin." After all, I remembered kidding in high school that if I got up to 130 I'd kill myself. My then partner said similar things as your husband, and I was furious. I said, "I've heard about men like you who sabotage weight loss" and rattled and railed at him. Then one day I came around a corner after a shower and caught myself in a door mirror unexpectedly - sh*t. *I* saw ribs. And raisons. Our 30s and 40s are not the same as our teens and weight charts don't reflect that. Sometimes our goals need to be altered from a long thought of number to our current reality. Counselors will tell us we often aren't the best judge of our body image - we can see ourselves as fat looooong after the reality has changed. I'm sure you've seen truly emaciated girls who still think they are fat - I think we can be a milder version of the same phenomenon. Just my 2 cents as I stumbled upon this board. Barb, aiming for the 150's this time around.

Dear Kim, We all have our own definitions of what is physically attractive to us. One friend of mine likes extremely thin women while another (whose wife is a size 16) prefers a "little meat on the bones." Why that is is the source of many psychological debates. Is it due to one's mother? the media? random? Whatever the reason, it could be that seeing ribs/collarbones is simply not attractive to your husband. It is too easy to blame this on jealousy or fear when it could simply be a matter of taste. It seems like talking it out would be a good way to figure out a compromise. Best of luck, Sally

My husband and I have been married 26 years. I know how you feel. You would think after all these years that we would know what your spouse feels. We met when we were teens and married at 20. I was thin then. Only became obese after my second child. My hubby is happy that I am getting back to where I was when younger. Even though he is practically 75 lbs or more heavier than when we married. But as I lose weight I find that things aren't going back to their usual spot where they were when I was younger! haha I am self conscience about it. He says he is ok with it. After 20-25 lbs more to lose will he still be ok with it? I have no idea. Marriages mature like ours endure because we communicate with each other. Keep talking to him. Let him voice his opinion without any backlash. Let us know how it goes. Janna B.