Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel this way?

Hi all, I am 7 months into my journey and have lost 81 of the 119 lbs I want to lose to meet my goal. I am 28 years old and I have been overweight my entire life since I can remember (probably 3rd gradeish). I am married to a 41 year old military career man who is retiring this winter. We have been married 8 years. So far we have no kids, but I do want some. DH was great when I had surgery. I was hoping that as I lost weight, he would start to be more attracted to me and our relationship would get better b/c I would feel like doing more things we enjoy with him. So far none of this has happened and I am feeling very sad and depressed about it. He has never really been excited with me about my weight loss since surgery. He is very threatened. He won't compliment me or encourage me and sometimes I feel like he is trying to sabotage me. For the first time I feel great about myself. I am even wearing sleeveless shirts to work, something I have never done. I am so happy with me, but I am not happy with my life right now. I want more for me, a better life of healthy eating, exercise, etc. I want someone who helps me and encourages me. I now weigh about 20 lbs less than my husband and he is very resentful, but he just keeps eating and says when he gets big enough he will have surgery. The problem is that he is only 30 lbs overweight and no way would he get approved with that. That means he plans to gain 70 lbs or more to get surgery? This sounds crazy to me! I am glad I had surgery, but I wouldn't have done it just b/c or if I could have prevented being Obese. I am seeking help from a counselor for this. I think he may be going through a mid-life crisis. The biggest problem for me is worrying so much about him and what I need in my life right now. I have found myself eating too much or not eating enough b/c I am worrying about it. This not good for me. I am not sure why I am feeling this way. Is anyone else having these feelings? Thank you for listening. Sometimes it helps to be able to talk to others who have WLS. Carla

Carla my friend... I think we might be married to the same man! My hubby was so supportive until the weight really started coming off. He was so proud when I lose 50 pounds and 75 pounds and even 100 pounds. When I was down 110 pounds he started picking on my body and now at a minus 120 pounds he don't want to touch me because I am boney or to thin for him. I think maybe he is a little scared because at 148 pounds and 5'3 I am far away from looking like the anorexic person he says I do. Really, I think this is something they have to work out for themselves. He says I am different and I am.. for the first time in such a very long time I am confident and strong. I love him with all my heart and I would support him in any choice he ever made in life but there is no looking back for me, if he wants that depressed obese woman I had turned in to then I don't know what to tell him because she don't exsist anymore. Hang in there sister, I feel your pain. Keep looking forward and best of luck! Keep in touch! Kim

Very often the dynamic you describe is related to poor self-confidence. As you describe your wl journey, you have become more happy, outgoing and confident. I dare to venture that your self-confidence was much weaker prior to wls. I suspect that hubby was allowed to make more of the family decisions and relied on much more heavily in all matters prior to your wls. Now as you grow more secure, hubbie's sense of self is melting. This is not your fault. Hubbie's self-confidence was really not all that strong when you were heavier, it just seemed that way because yours was so weak in comparison. Hubby is now feeling insecure that he may not be as needed to make decision, may not be as attractive to you and that you may look elsewhere for your needs to be met as you get thinner. In fact, you are now voicing the concerns he is fearful of - you are not happy in your home life with hubby. Getting counseling is an excellent suggestion, but be aware that men often are very resistant to marriage counseling. If he does go with you, it is a real good sign that he does want your relationship to improve. If he doesn't consent to go it doesn't mean he does not love you, but is another manifestation of his fears. In any case, you go to counseling to help work out these problems. You should continue to work on your self-confidence and remember that you are only responsible for making yourself happy. Hubby will have to learn to make himself happy and neither of you should count on the other to "make" the other into a different person.