Need a response

A woman I work with - I think I've posted before my frustrations with her has found more than one opportunity to try to make me feel bad about myself - Her latest is to tell me that: many "people" have this surgery NOT because they needed it - but out of vanity... " My experience hasn't been so far that ANY of you had this for vanity - is this true though? I figure it's just one more jab at me - she seems to take a huge delight in subtly ridiculing me at any given opportunity. Is it even POSSIBLE her self-esteem could be lower than my own...? Anyways - just wondering if any of you made this decision out of vanity or if you knew of "MANY" people that did... Seems like a big risk for vanity - but then I sort of feel that way about breast implants or rhinoplasty - so I'm not a good judge of this.

Pam, I had this surgery for my health. I had sleep apnea (not anymore) high blood pressure (not anymore) high cholesterol (not anymore) and high triglycerides (not anymore) Enough of that! Anyway, you get the gist. I have never heard any person in my support group say that they had surgery to look better. Obviously, we all want to look good, but that is only one of the many benefits of having the surgery. Pay your co-worker no mind. She's jealous and just trying to get to you. Guess what...it's working. No need to respond to her, you're a better person than that. Just remember, when you are a skinny mini, and have no co-morbidities she'll still be her unhappy, unhealthy self!

Hi, If she sees trying to keep yourself from having major health issues later in life as vanity, then I guess so. No, I had the surgery to prolong my life and to make it better quality of life. I'm young (35) and want to be able to do things with my daughter, like take bike rides, roller blade, go swimming (since I wouldn't put on a bathing suit before), etc. I want to see her graduate and get married. I don't want to have the health problems that my parents have - diabetes, heart disease, etc. It sounds as if this woman doesn't know anything at all about the surgery or her self esteem is very low. She could also just be a mean person who is just waiting for you to fail. I don't know about you, but those people motivate me even more to be successful! Don't let her get to you. You made the decision for you - it was yours and not hers to make. It doesn't matter why others did it. If it was the right decision for you, then she needs to leave you alone. One of these days, years down the road, you're going to wow her with the fact that you've done so well and you are much healthier. Until then, God bless! Annette

Well Pamela, Only speaking for myself, my mother died at the age of 43 of a massive heart attack. Me being the youngest of her 7 children and the only one morbidly obese and at the time approaching age 40, I got nervous I may fall into the same footsteps as her. I had just developed asthma (a very bad case of it), had high blood pressure for yrs (taking 2 meds a day), panic attacks, sleep apnea(all of a sudden), and I wanted to be around to see my kids get married and have kids of their own and also to improve my quality of life. If I look better along the way.. hey I thank God and count my blessings! I took such a drastic step because I felt there was no other alternative that would work for me. I've tried so many different ways. I thank God everyday for making this possible for me. I feel very fortunate. I am now almost 41 and no longer take asthma meds and my pcp just lowered my blood pressure meds! YAY! As for this co worker, perhaps she needs you to be obese in order for her to look and feel good about herself. It's really sad because she must not think to highly of herself. All I can say is pray for her. She must be a very unhappy person. ~Angel 222/166/120 bmi 32.4 Lap RNY 11/10/04

Pam, You got me....I've always wanted to fit into a size 6 dress so I decided that I'd go and have a million expensive and exhausting tests, let someone knock me out, cut me open and shove a bunch of instruments into me and rearrange my guts while they were at it. Also, the beautiful view from my hospital room and the pain from the gas they pumped into me were definite perks!! Is this woman crazy???? Who in there right mind would go through what we've gone through for vanity's sake? How did she become such an expert on the subject of WLS - where does she get these obscure items that she's telling you are facts about the surgery? Does she have a friend of a friend that had a friend that is thinking about having surgery??? She sounds like she's spouting made up things to try and make you feel badly - don't let it work!!! I had this surgery because I could no longer live a healthy life. I want to be here for my 3 beautiful sons and because if I didn't do something about my weight I was heading for big health trouble. I tried so hard to lose the weight any other way besides having surgery but it didn't work. I think that a majority of folks did it for the same reason - I've never heard anyone say that it was for vanity reasons. I'm curious - is this co-worker heavy? Why does she want to make you feel like you took the "easy" way out or that you didn't deserve this surgery? I realize that it would be hard to actually ask her this but I wonder why she is so bitter about your success? Ignore her and keep up the good fight - you're doing sooooo well and no one has the right to deminish your accomplishment! You're doing great and we're all behind you - don't let her get you down! Debbie

Pam, VANITY????? Personally have not been there..... as a matter of fact, as big as I was, my feeling is my body, particularly naked looked a lot better when it was heavier.... at least I had the "buxom" market cornered and believe me that was a major asset for me in the "vanity" department. Now, oh well, had to let that one go and can't even begin to fathom plastic surgery at this point although skin is already hanging in several places. The day I climbed into one of those motorized scooters at Home Depot, I knew I was in trouble and saw the future of wheelchairs and handicapped parking looming before me. After sorting my 9 pills to take in the morning, reality hit and I realized I was on a downward spiral that most certainly could lead to an early death. I have heard some people inquiring about surgery that I wonder about .... but then again, my BMI was 50 and I was shocked to hear the term "super morbidly obese"...... I had far exceeded the dreaded "obese" label I had acquired in my early teens!!! There seems to be somewhat of a trend now of programs only accepting persons below a certain BMI and who are "low risk" but the fact of the matter is, those of us who need this the most, are often the most high-risk candidates... and that trend has me concerned for those who may get left by the wayside. Vanity? ... No Lifesaving? ... I guess only time will tell B

Obviously your coworker has some very bad esteem issues. This is her way of showing her jealousy. I'm sure she is seeing the changes in you, the spring in your step, the bigger smile on your face and is very jealous of that and wants to keep you down!!!! Just ignore it and think - wow, poor lady, too bad she is so unhappy!!!! But, I'm not and I'm not gonna let her get me down!!!!! Some people just can't be happy for others no matter what! Too bad! As far as the vanity thing, I think that was on my list - below the heart problems, the fact that I could barely walk because of the pain in my hip, I couldn't play with my 2 and 4 year olds at the park, I couldn't do any of the things I used to love in life anymore because of my health due to my weight. Of course I wanted to look better too, but that was not the deciding factor. I wanted to live to see my grandchildren!!!!!!! Keep your head up! Only you can know what your true reasons were for having the surgery and if you're happy with that, who cares what others think!!!!!! A

She hasn't a clue. She probably sees the changes in you and is envious. There are a lot of people who feel better about themselves when they run other people down. I think, or rather I hope, that those looking to surgery for vanity reasons are screened out by the docs. I was on medication for diabetes, high blood pressure, high triglycerides & depression. My knees were(are) shot - I was at the point of scheduling knee replacement surgery. If I could have been healthy and been able to get around without surgery, I wouldn't have had it. I'm glad that I did (most of the time ) but I saw it as my last chance for a good life. As for vanity - I don't see much of a change when I look in the mirror. I still see me... diane

Thank you guys - I figure you are right - she's got a very sad life... fact is - she always focuses on the negative in life - that's ashame & I think she IS having a hard time being joyous for me... I know I didn't have this surgery for vain reasons - of course I hoped I would look & feel better - but mostly I did it because my mom is overweight & bed-bound - My father has had to recently have more heart surgery - MY cholesterol was really really high & so was my LDL - bad cholesterol, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't walk without pain, I couldn't stand to put my socks and undrwear on - it was one insult after another... & I did it so I could live - a full life Thank you for sharing, sometimes I forget - when she digs into me to have compassion for her - she makes me hurt & as tough as I may seem - I still have a fragile psychy (sp?) You all are great & I appreciate you!

Pam, I agree with the rest of the board. However....I'm leaning towards your opinion of her being a negative person. She's angry. Plain and simple. She's pissed off at someone else and you're getting all of the blame. It's sad that there are so many people out there that need to put us down in order for them to feel better about themselves. But, it's a fact of life. Just don't react to her comments. It's like training a dog..... when they do something bad, don't react. But, when the dog does something good....reward them! (people can be very simple at times and it helps me to look at them as if they don't know better) The other day at work, a fire inspector came in to check the fire alarm system. When he saw me, he smiled as if he knew me personally and said, "Megan, you look great!" "How are you feeling after having the surgery?" I was shocked. I swear, I didn't know this guy! So, I figured out later on that it was my boss that told him about my surgery. I was pretty upset with her. She has no right to tell total strangers that I had gastric bypass surgery! But, instead of flipping out on her, I decided to approach her and tell her what he had said to me. I also told her that I didn't know who he was and that I was insulted that he had the nerve to approach me like that. My boss was definitely caught on this one. She played dumb... But, she has stopped telling the entire town that I've had surgery and how much I've lost! Just thought I would share... Hang in there Megan B