Ms. Perfectionist Syndrome...
I have this lurking feeling that I am going to screw this up somehow and not do it right! Open RNY 11/30/04. I KNOW what to do - pouch rules, excercise, protein, water, etc - but I have this underlying fear that despite my determined best efforts I will only lose 50 lbs! What is THAT about? I think part of it for me is that I am constantly meeting everyone else's needs (husband, baby girl, employees) that I tend to put myself LAST! Which of course led to overeating as a coping mechanizm in the past which I am now determined to overcome. In fact I must overcome it or risk the return of poor health and poor quality of life. I like to think of myself as an assertive person, able to express my needs. Had to laugh at someone's earlier post about all this melting fat releasing loads of estrogen into our system, resulting in moodiness and *****iness. It's true! Man, if I supressed my feelings before with food, now I let them out. Sometimes the emotional eruption surprises even me. I know my husband is surprised. But we talk it out and we're OK. But I know and am determined to put myself first from now on as often as I can and get into a routine of wellness and self-care, implementing all the good stuff - pouch rules, water, exercise, protein, sleep, etc. Taking care of me so I can enjoy living life and watching my baby girl grow up. I guess I'm just feeling things a bit. Am going to the surgeon on 1/4/04 and I'm worried that I've only lost 20 lbs or that I've even gained some (pure delusion)
even though my clothes tell me otherwise. Well, thanks for reading this vent. Blessings - Martha Bell
Hi Martha,
I felt like that at one point too, and sometimes when my scale doesn't move mountains overnight, I feel that way again - I am a scale addict so I am on that thing every morning after I pee and before I do anything else! It can be depressing and elating.
I try to follow pouch rules though I can't get my pouch to agree that protien shakes are a good idea - I think my pouch squeezes shut whenever I mention protien, it squeezes shut right at the esophogus so I can't even think of swallowing (okay that doesn't really happen, but it feels like it).
I loose more weight if I do what I am supposed to with water.
I am moody as well - but not horribly. I have experienced a big bout of the blues but that has passed for the time being.
And I promose Martha, if you follow the rules and not cheat too much, you will definately lose more than 50 lbs. Some days you will not lose as much as you want, and some days you will lose more than you thought possible. And if you did only lose 20 lbs, remember that is 20 lbs GONE and it sure beats gaining 20 lbs
HI Martha,
Please dont put yourself 2nd or 3rd anymore. That is why you had the surgery to put yourself #1. That baby girl of yours needs you more than anything and you need to take care of yourself. If you have only lost 20lbs could you have done that this time last year over the holidays or on any diet over this short time? Hold your head high and be proud of any weight loss. It has been a HARD ROAD especially over the holidays (with everyone around us craming food and sweets in their mouth like it will never be there again) We must find away to sooth ourselves now with out food. I have not found anything else to do, wished I could But till I do I guess I will just ***** Good luck at the Dr and remember HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH when you get on the scales and what ever weight you have lost Pat yourself on the shoulder because you deserve it.
ann
Hi Martha
Thanks for sharing this and being so honest. I am learning alot in therapy and especially the part where you spoke about always putting yourself last. We took the 1st step towards changing that by having surgery. The decision was a personal choice and it was all about us and how we are feeling about ourselves. Now we must take care of ourselves and our new pouch or we can have bad reprocussions. Keep it simple,one day at a time and give yourself a break!! To say you only lost 20 lbs??!! I think that is awesome!!! It took us a long time to get to our starting weight and it won't come off overnight. Think about it..when was the last time you lost 20lbs in a month? You are doing great and I am proud of you!! Wait and see, the weight will keep coming off.
Susan