Husband vent

First off I'm doing great, food doesn't bother me and I haven't had any cravings. I understand it can be hard for a significant other, to know how to behave with food around someone after wls. But this is driving me crazy!! First, when I came home from the hospital, he didn't want to eat at all in front of me. I kept telling him that I was fine! It did not bother me and still doesn't! He finally got past that. Now we can't go out anywhere because it would bother him, that I was just sitting there while he ate. I told him that I could get soup or something. So now we can never go out and have a good time because I can't eat like normal. I am really missing eating at this moment because if I could eat we could have a good time. I just want to cry! Beth

(((((((((((((((Beth))))))))))))) Sorry your husband is being unreasonable. I think he is trying to make it easier on you but does not realize he is actually making it harder. I have gone out a few times and have gotten french onion soup (chew the cheese very well), and mashed potatoes with cheese and bacon (again chew well). Eventually you will be able to go out and order a "normal" dinner, just not be able to eat it all. I would just say hey were going out, come on!!! I hope it gets better for ya! Janet

I think it is sometimes very hard for men to listen. Men have this inherant need to solve problems (even when we women don't think there really is a problem) and in that solving sometimes forget to hear us when we say there is no problem really. If he were my husband I would have to sit him down and explain that he is actually creating problems where none exist and that, while I understand he is trying to make things easier for me, he is actually making things more difficult. Not that that would necessarily work mind you.... my own vent below: My husband tries very hard to be supportive. Last week I went through a bit of the blues missing various things and being very "end of the world" about it all. I tried to explain to my husband how I was feeling like I would never be able to eat at Tony Roma's again. My husband, bless his little cotton socks, tried to commiserate saying he could never eat at Tony Roma's again either and it wasn't a problem for him (which I took as meaning why then is it a problem for me). I tried to explain that what I am talking about is the physical limitation that would not allow me to have my favorite things at Tony Roma's and that he does not have those same limitations so he absolutely could eat there and eat anything and as much as he wanted and therefore did not know how I felt. He continued to insist that he could never eat at Tony Roma's either because I couldn't and he wouldn't go without me (errr, sweet as that sounds, it was a bit annoying and even a bit of a guilt trip to my ears). We never did resolve this - it just became one of those things I choose not to speak to him about. Eventually I worked it out on my own and realized that I would indeed be able to go to Tony Roma's again, but that I would not be able to eat half a cow and an entire onion loaf - I would instead be more reasonable - I decided that was not a problem. Sometimes, I just wish my husband would hear my complaints, whines, moans, and sorrows and just give me a hug and leave his mouth shut. ~sigh~ Men!

Hi Beth I have this same problem, but with my roommate/best friend. I am learning that alot of things we did together revolved around food in some way. When I came home she wouldn't eat in from of me and demanded her borfriend act the same. I drilled it in that it just doesn't bother me at all. For me it would be different if I didn't have the surgery and was trying to diet and everyone was constantly eating, eating, eating all the time in from of me or doing it on purpose . I don't think people truly understand how the surgery effects our hunger and makes us feel like we are NOT deprived. Now that I am allowed regular foods and solids she doesn't feel as unconfortable but still has a problem with it. I have chalked it up to this.....I told you how I feel, if you can't accept it or refuse to hear me than your decisions and behavior are completely your own doing. I am going to a Christmas luncheon on Tuesday and I feel completely ok with it. I will order some soup or a light appetizer and have it come with everyone elses dinner and eat slow. You aren't alone and thanks for posting this. Susan LAP RNY 11/24/04 - 32 lbs.