Not a failure, but frustrated!!

Surgery was 11-19-03 and weight on that day was 345 pounds, highest known weight was 355. I did hit 165 for a brief moment but for the most part have been hanging at 175, so basically a 170 pound loss. The weight goes down a couple of pounds and up a couple pounds for the last couple of months. I wear 8-10s for the most part and feel pretty darn good so I know that I am not a failure. The surgery was the best thing I ever did. But.... over the past few months when "normalcy" has returned and I find that I can eat more and tolerate darn near everything I am not following the rules. I know I can lose another 20 pounds so my BMI would be normal, not overweight. I snack, I drink alcohol, I make "wrong" food choices and I can't seem to help myself. Mentally I am telling myself that I had this surgery to be "normal" but I know that is just a cop out to give me permission to eat what I shouldn't. But then I tell myself thin people snack so.... I do get protein in, but way too many carbs... What's the maximum of carbs that we should consume in a day anyway? Does anyone know? I know I need to drink plenty of water and exercise and I have let that go by the wayside too. I know what to do but can't seem to get the motivation to do it. Some days I just want to crawl into bed and not get out. I'm frustrated. I know I'm not a failure but I feel like one everytime I put something in my mouth that I know that I'm not supposed to. I guess I'm just looking for support and maybe to see if others have the same problem. I know what needs to be done but just can't seem to do it. Sorry this was long, guess I just needed to vent.

Hi Mary You are not a failure!!! That is for sure!!! I have gone through the same thing as you. All I can tell you is that if you want to lose weight, that you need to keep your carbs between 20 and 30 grams a day. I know that this is something you have to do on your own, but we will all be there for you whenever you need us!!! ((((HUGS)))) Dawn

Mary- you are so NOT a failure- youve lost so much weight already!. I had RNY on Nov 20 '03. Started at 285, but Ive only lost 85 lbs so far...& Ive stopped losing. So I know how it terrible it feels to see yourself as a failure. Only we really arent. My diabetes is totally in control, and my gerd is gone. I can now excercise (which I didnt do in the first year of losing...big mistake...hoping I can reverese the "damage" and start losing again). It is so easy to fall backinto the behaviors we all had before surgery. Dont think well, if thin folks can snack, so can I. Cos we will always be in "remission", and we must always be vigilant. So snack wisely! I guess it means accepting the new healthy lifestyle for good, not just while we are losing. Mary, dont beat yourself up (that's usually my job!), youve done great, and all you need to do is take some time out to reflect and appreciate the tool youve been given. You'll be fine. Good luck! Tami

I agree with the other replies this is a life long struggle. I was 336 at time of surgery and now im 185. I feel I should of lost a lot more but I didnt but I also was not following hte rules as i should. Which is ok in the start because your losing anyway but now im on the final stretch and i fight to lose every lbs. I feel like i could eat all day and nothing botheres me either. I feel like a failuer because I didnt lose as much as most people. Then i try to stop and think about where I came from to where I am now and how different I feel. I am not a failure. We were all overweight for a reason and like myself we have to try not to fall back into our old habits. I know that is a struggle for me everyday but look how far we came we cant go back. I wont let myself and you shouldnt either. I am right now setting small tiny goals for myself. Like 180 is my next goal I am not looking beyong that.. Then it will be 170 down to hopefully 150. I know this is going to take time but I am determined to get there. We are all here to support one another WE CAN DO THIS : )

Thank you everyone for your support. I know that I have issues with food and will have to work through it in order to be completely 100% successful. I thank God for the success that I have had and hope and rely on everyone's support to be successful in the future. Now that the honeymoon is almost over I need to buckle down and finish this out. On another note, my sister had bypass done over two years ago and I spent the entire day at the hospital with her today. She had been having severe pain after eating for awhile now. They finally listened to her and she ended up having surgery. He removed some adhesions and there were some kinks in her bowel. She's doing great and will be released tomorrow but it's a wake-up call. Remember pain is NOT normal. Hope everyone has a great week. Take care!

Hi I can relate to what everyone has said. I have only lost 50% of my weight and had my surgery on 11/10/03. I am down 90 lbs and need to lose another 60 to be at 75%. I am so frustrated and dissapointed and don't know where to begin. Maybe making small goals at a time is a good idea. I keep beating myself up because I feel like a failure and can't seem to look at the positive side of the surgery. My diabetes and blood pressure are under control. But I am falling back into old habits and punishing myself by eating the wrong things and knowing it is wrong. I came to this board for encouragement and found it because now I know I am not alone. Thanks, Darlene

If you are a size 8/10 you should consider yourself a normal size and not worry about trying to lose more. For every 100 pounds we lose we have 7-8 pounds of loose skin, deflated fat cells, and no-longer needed connective tissue that no amount of dieting will remove. This extra weight, along with the heavier-than-normal bones from being morbidly obese for years, increase our weight without increasing our size. Because of this, my surgeon says that our lowest normal weight (prior to plastic surgery to remove the skin and deflated fat cells, if that is an option) would be that weight which would give us a BMI of 25 (not 21 or 23). How tall are you? The key to maintainance is to weigh yourself daily, and whenever your weight gets three pounds above what you have set as your goal, cut way down on carbs until you get back where you were. If you are within three pounds of your goal, allow yourself some treats, girl! You deserve them! Over time you will get a handle on what you can eat without gaining too much too fast. Remember that exercise helps tremendously in maintaining weight loss and also increases your metabolism so you can get away with eating more. I am a size 8, feel no need to be any smaller, and my body is still in weight-loss mode so I am eating like crazy just to stay here--life is funny--I would have killed to have had this probleem anytime over the last 30 years!