I'm scared to death!

I've been sitting here trying to put into words the emotions that are going through my mind right now. Fear is the major one. Fear of the unknown. I was comfortable as a fat person. I knew what was expected of me. I was the one who always made the fat jokes before anyone else did, because it always seemed to hurt less. I had carved out my own little niche in life, and I was happy there. Now I feel lilke a fish out of water. All my life I've wanted to be one of the skinny people, but it always seemed like a dream that I would never achieve. It was a goal that I forever reached for but always seemed to miss. Now it's all becoming a reality and I'm scared to death. On Wednesday November 24th I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am for my tummy tuck and breast lift. My goal is finally within my reach, and I don't know how to handle it. At times I almost wish I was still that skinny person hiding in a fat body. My comfort zone. I don't regret having the surgery. I feel better than I have in years. I'm just striving to get my mind to get in sync with my body. If anyone has faced this and gotten past it, please tell me how you did it. I'm almost tempted to tell my surgeon I'm not ready yet, even though he tells me that it's all just empty skin. I guess it's the suit I'm used to wearing, and I'm having a hard time letting go of it. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Shelley

Do you ever feel that people have lower expectations for people who are obese? They don't expect us to be successful in life or love. I think I got to the point that I only did what I had to, to meet those lower expectations. I'm not saying it's true, it just seemed to be that way. Now I feel I have all these extra expectations I'm expected to live up to. It's all a mind game that I keep playing with myself and losing...lol. I totally understand what you mean about being critical of myself, and having a low self-esteem. I've been dealing with those issues my whole life. It's kind of hard to get out of that rut. I am going ahead with the surgery, because I know myself too well. If I don't do it now, I never will. I'll keep you posted. Keep me in your prayers. Thank you! Shelley

YOU GO GIRL YOU HAVE COME THIS ALL THIS WAY,AMD DONE SO WELL,KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.I'M WAITING FOR MY INSURANCE TOO TO APPROVAL FOR MY TUMMY TUCK AND BREAST LIFT.I'M DOWN TO MY GOAL WEIGHT AND NOW LOOKING AT MY EXTRA SKIN BOTHERS ME,WE HAVE DONE SO GOOD SO FAR WE NEED TO PUT A CLOSER ON THIS AND HAVE THAT LAST SURGERY IT WILL MAKE US FEEL COMPLETE AND BETTER.SO GO FOR IT AND KEEP THAT HEAD UP.YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS.TAKE CARE. FRAN

I do see this as the final chapter in a life long battle. It's a chapter I never believed would ever be written in my book. I am thankful that I had the surgery. It's just taking a little while for my brain to catch up with my body. Thank you for your prayers. Shelley

Shelley, Bless you! I hope you find some comfort and peace before your surgery. I haven't had my plastics yet, and not sure how to answer that part, but I can tell you that I felt a lot like this the night before my RNY. Did I really want to get rid of that fat person who was my best friend for so long, and she always took care of me. Now, after a year it's been so wonderful accepting the 'new' person. I feel better, and have gotten more confident. I am hoping you have too, and with your plastic surgery you are just enhancing that, and will come to love and accept that person as you did your heavier self... making sense? I'm not always good at putting into words what I am trying to say. :smile: If not, just know that I will be thinking of you, and keeping you in my prayers for a speedy and complete healing inside, and out from your surgery. Happy Thanksgiving Too! Cindy

My practical side is telling me that I deserve this, but my emotional side is battling my practical side...lol. But I do understand what you are saying. One of the girls at work told me that it might help me if I try and help some of the people that are just going in for the surgery, or have just had it. Maybe by being the for them, it will make it easier for me to accept myself. I think she has a great idea. And I am feeling better about it all, even getting rather excited. Thank you! Shelley