I lost my daughter to the surgery weight loss

Lauren who had her surgery in november of 2003, Has lost over 80 pounds and down to a size 6-7. But what was also lost was my daughter and her good outlook on life, fun loving, fun to be around. Once she lost her weight she became self absorbed, distant and the only important thing in life was HER, HERSELF and no one else, not even her beautiful 4 year old daughter. She started compromising her morales and standards and started slipping lower and lower into a life of deceit, lies, lesbianism and drugs. I so regret the day i told her of the surgery and made it possible for her to have the surgery as I no longer have a daughter. She is lost in the world of being thin and self gratification. I have come to the conclusion that the psychiatrist need to do a more thorough mental examination or maybe make them come back several times. Working for a health insurance company I am now going to actively push for stricter guidelines for the surgery

So sorry you feel like you have lost your daughter. I know from experience that sometimes the hurt feelings are underneath and we did not have the courage to say a word about anything being large as we were. This surgery does give Self Confidence back to us. I am proud for the wonderful surgeons that give us the chance to bring the best out in us. I am truly sorry for your loss, but why punish others who might gain so much from a chance to have this wonderful surgery. It has so many more plusses than negatives. Keep trying to get the daughter back you say you have lost. Best of Luck, Debbie 11-17-03 80 pounds gone forever..............

I am at a loss as to how to even respond to this post Jennifer -80

I am so sorry you feel that way. Hopefully she will find her way back to you. Obviously this surgery affects people in differnt ways, as well as those around them. Laura 11/4/03 240/173/135

First of all, what is wrong with being a lesbian??? I hate people that put down other people for their sexual orientation!!! I think you really need to take a good look at yourself. Maybe you are the one that needs to see a doc. I admit that the drugs are a terrible thing, but who are you to tell he who she can sleep with.

Ok, So maybe I got offended by the lesbian remak, but I do hope that your daughter will straighten her life out. I do have to tell you that being a lesbian has nothing to do with drugs or the other things that she is going thru. I have been with women most of my life and it didn't make me do drugs or anything else. I think men have done more damage to me mentally than most women have. I apologize for blowing up at you. Dawn

I want to stick up for Dawn here. If you look at what Cindy wrote, she said her daughter had been lost and was now involved in "lies, deceit, and lesbianism" . If the lesbianism wasn't the main problem, then why would she state it that way?. I say everyone has to live their own life.

I am sorry to here about your daughter. I think perhaps requiring follow up mental health care for those at risk for problems would be an excellent idea. Sadly...some people go into this believing weight loss will change them inside as well as out. The truth is...we are who we are...fat or thin. Whatever mental and emotional issues we had BEFORE surgery will still be there after. Again I am sorry for you and your daughter. Although you were not asking for advice...and more than likely have tried this already...but in case not, try to talk to your daughter. Have an intervention. Tell her how scared you are for her. Peace

Well first off Dawn how dare you read more into what i said then what it meant. I dont condemn lesbians they do that just fine on their own. When my daughter does a total 360 and walks away from a loving fiance who took her and her daughter as she was, to a crack addicted lesbian. Thats when I have a problem with it. And my mental state has never been in question as You have indicated. With such harsh comdeming words You may want to look deep within yourself and see why you would be the only one to read such nasty negative motives into a mothers anguish and loss of a daughter that she has been so close to for 21 years. If you read my post again I gave you a list of things she decided to turn to once she lost her weight and the things she left behind. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I don't think some of the comment's being made on this thread by Dawn or Cindy are very productive. If Cindy read Dawn's 2nd post she would see that she corrected some of what she said. That said I am sorry for the problems you are having with your daughter. Like several other posters have said we cannot change who we are on the inside with this surgery only our appearance. Your daughter has issues that run much deeper than WLS. She is an adult and is going to make her own choices (good and bad) and ultimately only she can decide what is best for her life. I think it would be unfair for you to blame WLS for her personality change. Something happened to your daughter and I am willing to bet it has nothing to do with her weight. It almost sounds as if she is acting out against something she was repressing with food and now that the food is gone she is finding other ways to cover her pain. Melissa