negetive responds

can anyone help me? I am dealing with so many family and friends with negetive reactions. It realy upsets me to the point that I snaped and told my sister inlaw "erll its all you skinny people who have never had a weight problem that are so against this" Was I being too bitter with her? Does anyone eles have these linds of reactions?

I truly believe that if someone is being negative, you have the right to state that you don't want to discuss it any further and change the subject. Also if someone questions my reasons, I usually just state that my doctor and my surgeon feels that it is medically necessary. That usually stops them in their tracks. So many think we are doing this for vanity NOT health reasons. Wishing you the best. Mary

I recently read someone's profile and she wrote a 'letter' to family and friends and posted it to her profile. It had a line in it that said "....I am not asking for your permission or your approval...." I thought that was such a good way to put it. So far I haven't needed to use it. Actually I am not sure if I would have the cojones to say it. But it sure sounds good. Another one I read was "....this is not up for debate..." Good ones! Luckily for me, my family has been behind me, with many questions, but still behind me.

Hi Deborah: I had a freind recently say to me that she is going to buy me Dr. Phil's new book so I will not fail. She keeps trying to tell me how I should eat. Of course she is skinny! I just decided this week to only have people around me that are supportive. I have met many ladies through support groups that have had surgery or are waiting. Only someone else in our shoes will truly understand. Go buy the old saying "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say nothing at all" ;)

I'm having a similar problem. It's scary enough going through this WITH the support we need without the poisonous opinions of others. You know what they say about opinions, right? As far as for you snapping, honey, I can't blame you. This is hard stuff. My aunts are both very much against this. My one aunt has always had a weight problem until the past five year or so. She managed to lose the weight on her own and has kept it off. I'm very proud of her. The family consensus is that if Aunt so-and-so did it, surely I can. I finally had to say, "look, this is hard enough as it is. I'm not asking for your permission to have this done. It's my decision." Then I gave them the web site address to here and told them to educate themselves. My mom kind of gave me a glare, but I just shrugged my shoulders. What else can we do? Hang in there dear, it'll be okay. April

Hang in there. It's tough getting those responses, especially from loved ones. Part of what I realize is that the fact that they are "loved" ones and not just aquaitnences, might make it harder for them as well as you. They love you and want whats best, but may not understand that for you, this is what's best. I have to deal with my Mom being ADAMANTLY against this. So we just don't talk about it. She'll talk about the generic after surgery (she's a Nurse, so she comfortable with that), but nothing about the procedure at all. Though I think in her own way, she was sending me support, by sending some clothes home with my Hubby for me. They were size 22, 20 & 18. and I just got from a 28/30 to a 26, so those will be a little while longer yet. Don't let them get you down. You might have to do what I did, which is agree to disagree and then leave the subject alone with them.

I completely understand what you are going through. My Mom was very much against this in the beginning....she weighs maybe 120. I just had to get a little bit rude with her and let her know that she has been tiny her entire life and she has no idea what kind of life I have had to deal with. I think my Grandmother was even worse.....she seems to be a lot more persistant, but I just had to ignore her and not bring it up when she was around. Bottom line is that the stress of the decision and the surgery itself is enough to drive you crazy. The last thing that you need right now is someone giving you a hard time. Don't get me wrong....I always want someone to play the devil's advocate just so I won't go into the situation narrow minded, but once Ihave made my decision....I expect other to respect that. I think it is best that you have gotten these aggravations out in the open. Hopefully, your unsupportive friends and family will realize that regardless if like it or not.....you are going to be a skinny mini like them! Sometimes I just think jealousy takes over too! Good luck and best wishes! ~Ashley

Just tell them the choice is your's. Remind them that they are not doctor's and have no idea the health issues this weight is and will cause you. Tell them to either be supportive or not mention it again, ever. I purposely didn't tell my husband's side of the family because none of them has ever been fat and quite frankly, I doubt they would be supportive. And when they ask how I lost the weight, I won't lie...I will just say "dieting". Because...I was...