I can hardly believe it has been over 2 years

I had my surgery on November 10, 2001. I went from nearly 290 pounds down to 145 pounds. Since then I have gained 25 pounds up to 170. I never really stayed at 145, but stayed around 160, so I only feel that I gained 10 pounds. It is frustrating me so much. I have not followed the plan like I should have. I have never excersized, and eat what I want regardless of how sick I get. I don't take my vitamins either. I feel so stupid and don't understand how I can do this to myself after all I went through get here. I truly feel that I never tried hard enough to lose weight before the surgery, my husband tells me I am wrong. But I continue to eat and sabotage myself. My husband says I look wonderful, but I still feel ugly. All I see is the skin hanging from my arms and stomach and can't stand to look to look at myself anymore. I snack all of the time, I realize that I am never really hungry, but just eat anyway. I have had to quit work in March of 2003 due to my heart condition and had an apparent stroke in September of 2003. Now my doctor says it wasnt a stroke, but maybe early MS, but either way, my left side is very week and I spend most days at home without ever leaving it. I know I don't have as much control of my life as I did before March 2003, but I have filled my days with food instead. Realizing all of this, I am making a commitment to stop the constant snacking. I am going to try to go back to liquids and protien bars and hope to give myself another start. At times I regret having the surgery, but mostly and so thankful that I had it. I would probably be dead by now if I had not had it.

Hi Rene, I know it's hard to believe 2 years!!! Congratualtions, I know how hard you worked to take the weight off. People don't realize what a accomplishment weight loss is.... be proud of yourself. I started out at over 300 lbs and currently weigh 132. I was down to 120 but have put on some; I am 5'7" so I didn't look very good at 120; everyone said too thin. I still get comments from people who think need to be about 150 but I found out I have a small frame ( WHO KNEW?!) I am amazed that under all that there was a small person. People who didn't know me when I was heavy don't think that way. They have a hard time imaging that I was ever heavy. I too have some regrets but this surgery has changed my life. I still have many self esteem issues...but I had those heavy or not. I know that I can deal with things better now, and I have more patience to deal with others. Laying around for 6 months recooperating has a way of putting your life in perspective. I had major complications from the weighloss surgery, feeding and drain tubes, open wounds, infections and fevers. I have the snacking urge also... I get it all the time now. Before I could care if I ate but know I just want want "graze" all day long. Also made an appointment with a plastic surgeon; I have scars too hideous to mention, the skin issue is bad too but I can live with it except for my tummy which looks like a war zone. The surgeon seems to think I can get approval for my tummy and breasts (or the lack thereof). It's amazing we are going through many of the same things...I have days I think that this is the best thing to ever happen and others that I would almost rather be heavy. I have lost friends, and family over this.

Yes, ladies it has been 2years. Who would have thought any of us would be commenting on the problems of LOSING weight. I like the two of you am both happy and disappointed in the affects of the surgery. Yes, I am ever so greatful for the surgery, but I am also disappointed. I've been at 246-250 lbs now for at least all of last year. But I like you have not done all that I could have to help my surgery along its journey. I wish I wouldn't have been able to eat so well after the surgery. But I am also grateful that I haven't been sick every time I put something in my mouth. I vowed this year to get below the 200lb. mark. I vow to join a gym and really work my program as it was intended from the onset. I'm forever grateful for the 90lbs I have lost, but I wish I could have lost 90 more. And yes, with only a loss of 90lbs, I have skin hanging. My arms swing, my breast hang, and my stomach OH MY GO**** hangs low. But I would do it all over again, in less than a heart beat. I've even considered having the surgery re-done, but I know I won't do that. I'm to grateful for what it has done, and too afraid for the complications that I know can occur. So what will we do? Well, I will do all I can to honor my vows to myself, to exercise like there's no tomorrow and to eat healthy without dieting ever again in my life. If I never lose another pound I will savour the 90 lb loss and always wish I had done better earlier, sooner etc. etc. I now feel beautiful, and I do get compliments. Few people recognize me anymore. I actually have to worry about clothes being too big for me. I can see bones I hadn't seen in more than ten years. So yes ladies, we are disappointed, but maybe we were expecting too much. I don't know, but lets not beat ourselves up too much, lets savour the LOSS. It's rare that a loss is something to ever savour. Good luck and God Bless you both.