Dilema

Hmm, tough question. And dealing with it with a daughter is even tougher I think. Mother/(yeah right Mom!) daughter issues rear up here. I think the issues are stronger between mother/daughter, than say mother/son. My son has my ex's metabolism, so thankfully he will probably never have a problem. I can only go by personal experience here. Everyone has had great thoughts on this subject. I have really enjoyed this post, and peoples perspectives. My mom was always little until the last years before she died. I was always heavy. We were the poor family, there was 5 kids to feed, starches added to meals in a big way, to stretch the food to feed us all. I grew up dependant on carbs. That is the biggest factor in my obesity. I can see it clearly now. So yes, everyday diet, and what they learn to eat, goes a long way in factoring the equation. But your daughter is old enough to decide what and how much to eat now. The responsibility is no longer yours. Its hers. Thats where the problem lies. I never really cared about being fat. Until high school, and one of my teachers got close with me. We dieted together. She was not heavy, but her plan was to do it together. Coming from someone other than my mother, and getting personal attention from someone who cared about me (other than my family), was what triggered it all for me. We went on a wild and crazy low carb diet. It was just new out then (this is 1976 or so). I dieted down to about 190's then. I graduated HS at around that weight I think. That was an all time low for me. Well, I did get down to 170's for a short time, but that was starvation, I was basically homeless, living on the streets for awhile. Ya know, graduated HS, gonna do my own thing, kind of living. I sure had God and every angel in his group looking out for me then! LOL My point is, the motivation for change came from someone other than my family/mom. BUT, after all is said and done, the motivation has to come from within. After reaching 170's, I promptly, and over years, ate my way to 400's. I made the choice to eat fast food every stinking day. Is there a nutrition/fit program you can look into? A kids exercise program? Something to that effect. Like someone else mentioned a camp maybe? My mom sent me to WW for the first time at around age 10 or so. I realize now, how much she had to sacrifice just to find that money to send me. She did without, so I could try and have a "normal' life. No, WW didnt have a lasting effect on me, but it planted seeds for change. Any little seed you cant plant in your daughter will help. With any program you may find, there is a chance that someone in that group will be able to find the right words, push the right button, inspire a change for your daughter. Teen years for mother/daughter relationships are the worst. Can someone other than yourself, get her interested? OK long winded this morning. Just wanted to add an idea or two! Lauri

THis is a great discussion. I am excited to see what everyone has to say. I don't have kids...don't know if I will, but I watch all of my nieces and nephews struggle with issues and cry out - hoping to find a way to get through to them before they end up going down the same path their parents have traveled (my whole family has weight issues). I grew up as the youngest child of 2 obese parents. There were four kids in the family ( I too was the "oops child") and there was a 10 year gap between me and the oldest (a 6 year gap between me and my next sibling). Food, of course was purchased in bulk and as my older siblings were old enough to grab snacks whenever they wanted...I learned the grab it when you can (before the rest is gone) habit. Meals where more or less healthy - but carbs where the prominent feature. My parents both attempted to diet at various times, yet gave up after a month or so..and while they focused on the diet aspect...they never much focused on activity. I wanted to be an active child, and yet...due to a busy mom / working mom schedule and dealing with the needs of older siblings, I think I was left to the "tv sitter" way too often. I clearly remember spending entire days on the couch watching tv (something my entire family still does). I asked to play little league softball as a kid - mom couldn't figure out what team to sign me up for as I lived on the far edge of one district - yet attended school in another. This continued with several other sport requests. I'm not blaming my parents for our situation. I am just saying I do think that one of my big problems in my "formative" years was lack of active role models. My main eating issues (sneaking food - opting for fast food regularly - eating huge quanities etc) cropped up when I was old enough to know better and to make my own choices. I don't know that anything my parents said would have made a difference. By the time gym teachers started to drill into us that excercise was something we needed for our bodies it was too late. I was so out of shape that I couldn't keep up with the others in gym class and didn't try. I spent the entire time trying to hide ...I didn't enjoy it. I am praying that the changes I have made in my life can be seen as positive by my nieces and nephews and that I can instill in them all a love of activity over food. Instead of making dates to take individual kids out for ice cream or dinner and movies like I used to - our "dates" now include hiking, biking, and I am taking my 10 year old nephew (who already weighs 130 lbs) rock climbing in a few weeks. My brother said something Sunday that just floored me. He was having a talk with his son (the 10yr old nephew mentioned above) about weight and weightloss...and my nephew said "I would never want to do it the quick way with surgery...you end up looking all flabby and weak, like Aunt Doti". My brother was saying that could be a problem and that is why he is "attempting" to loose it slowly (I won't go into that discussion right now)...and not having surgery like Aunt Doti (my sister had lap-band a few years ago) or Aunt Patti. To which my nephew said "Aunt Patti didn't have surgery - she couldn't have..she doesn't look flabby..and she is always careful about what she eats..and...and...she's not weak...she's the only one who will do all the fun stuff with us, like bike riding and skiing and playing!" My brother, for the first time since my surgery, finally, right there where we sat - admitted that perhaps, in fact, I had not taken the easy way out by opting for weightloss surgery!