Body Image

Ok a wow moment, but it didnt come without reflection. My brother does not drive, so the days I hit the grocery I stop to get him, so he can pick up what he needs. Last week we went our seperate ways in the store. I was just strolling along, and he comes up to me...."Finally I found you, you blend in with everyone else now". OK wow, I dont stand out like a sore thumb anymore. But it got me to thinking. I dont feel like I fit in with the crowd. I still feel fat. Not in terms of clothes, cause I can see that. I can see it when I see pictures. I can see it in the mirror. But it never dawned on me im just one of the crowd now. Do you know what I mean? Its a mental block or something. I still feel like me, but I dont look like me! Im not sure if im explaining this at all right. I cant seem to find the right words to explain myself. Logically I know all this, but heart wise I dont feel different. Can anyone relate? Lauri

Lauri I can SOOOOOO relate! I was trying to explain it to my husband the other night. I was cleaning out my closet (yet again) and bagging up the "too big" clothes for various destinations. I decided to pull out my "before" jeans just to see...and I was able to fit all of me into one leg of those jeans. After my huband ran for the camera and got pictures we were lying there reflecting and I said "you know...when I close my eyes, I still feel like me in my skin..I dont feel any different...therefore, my image of me is of the same person I was." Those jeans didn't seem SO BIG then, my clothes seem SO SMALL now. It baffles me that the person that fits into those clothes, and runs, and bikes, and hikes, and climbs....is the same person that had to CRAWL to make it up a flight of steps just a year ago. And yet...I dont' feel any different really.

I was just talking to my husband about this last night. I KNOW I am NO where near the size I was but when I go some place I feel like I glow in the dark just like I felt before when I WAS big. Funny part is that I know on some level I don't "glow" anymore but I still find myself looking at people to see if they are gawking at me. I still walk in and go directly to the largest size things I can find. And still find myself saying "that will never fit" as I hold up a 4x ahahahah. I think in time our brains will "get it". I see myself getting smaller to but it still doesn't totally "connect". Hard to put into words. Like you said "logically I know all this but heart wise I don't feel different". *huggles* Felicia =0) Ps: That was an awesome WOW moment with your brother!

(....And still find myself saying "that will never fit") OMG I so relate! Last week I was folding a load of laundry. My husband had started it and switched it to the dryer while I was at a meeting. I was folding. I came to a t-shirt that looked positively TINY....I let loose on him for putting it in the dryer and shrinking it. Well, not let loose, I just "apologized" for not telling him that the shirt was all cotton and shouldn't go in the dryer. Then I was very upset because I wouldn't be able to wear it. He quietly smiled and said "put it on..RIGHT NOW." I resisted..and actually got angry at him for minimizing my anquish over the shrinking of one of my favorite shirts. He kept pushing and PUSHING until I finally stripped off the shirt I had on and put the "shrunk" shirt on. It fit perfectly, it in fact, hadn't shrunk at all, it was just my perception of myself that was "too large" to fit that tiny shirt. ps..I'm wearing the shirt today.

ROFLMAOOOOOOOOO BEEN there with the dryer thing. I can still remember the first time I got brave and put my clothes in the dryer to dry. For YEARS I had been hang drying everything trying to keep it as large as possible. A couple weeks ago I bought my 1st pair of "real jeans" lol Non Stretch, NO give at all lol, Wranglers. Anyways, had to wash them of course.. ok no biggie but then I had to stand there and decide how to get them dry. Finally figured screw it I am just going to throw them in the dryer I can always rewash and stretch them back out. So in the dryer they went. Out they came nice and dry and I had to put them on right there to see ( as I figured they could go in the next load to be rewashed LOL) and they FIT!!! Not only that they were actually a bit looser, go figure! Funny the things our brain does to us. *huggles* Felicia =0)

I too can relate. Our minds haven't accepted our changing bodies. I find myself at the baseball field looking to see if there is another non there larger than me. I have done this for years and have been the heaviest there on many occassions. This year was different yet I still had to "make sure" I wasn't the biggest whale sitting on the bench. It's such a mind game. I don't feel like a different person because I am lighter. I am more confident but it didn't change who I am. I am still the same wife, daughter, mother, sister and friend I was before only now I look better in a bathing suit! LOL Allison

This is one I think we all understand. Having been big my entire like, it is so hard to adapt. I see pictures of me pre-wls and am amazed at how much I have changed. I still see the big me in my mind's eye. This is one reason why our support of each other is so vital. We need to help each other ease into newer and better self-images. Go Oct 06 !!!

So funny that you posted this as I have felt so confused with mind versus image for so long now. At work all the people are noticing the weight loss and actually have started to call me "skinny". I am by no means skinny yet, but I guess the 50# that I have lost since starting work is showing up. What it is actually is when I wear clothes that fit, it is more apparent that I have lost weight than when I am in my baggier attire. But just last evening I was walking through the parking lot to go to my car and there was a couple sitting outside and they waved and said "Goodnight" to me. Instantly in my mind came the image of the fat person walking through the lot, drawing attention to herself, being so fat. That was not the case, they were just being friendly. Then the mind clicked into gear with the realization that I look no different now than anyone else. If anyone would see me now they would not know that I was once that fat girl that was afraid to go out in public and not want to draw attention to herself. Crud, Friday I was playing balloon volleyball with the residents, had my shoes off and was running around like a kid and not thinking how gross I must look. It is for sure a mind game and it will take time for all of us to realize that we are now"normal" looking. I too have been there with the clothes, thinking that piece of clothing would never fit me or it does not belong to me and then lo and behold, it fits. Isn't this such a wonderful journey. I am so glad that I had this done and now look forward to every moment of life........Lots of love to all.........Gay