EMOTIONAL DISASTER

I'm an emotional disaster, I don't know what to do, what to say or how to act. I'm trying to act as natural and human as I can and should. I'm a neonatal nurse and have had to deal with all kinds of situations: good and bad, and all kinds of emotions, anger, concerned, sad, worried. But when it come to a member of my family I'm lost. As some of you May already know, my mom has been the center of my familie's world since my father passed away 36 years ago. She has been everything to my sister and I, mom, dad, friend, support person, you get the drift. In sept mom was diagnosed w/ stage 3 lung cancer, can you say heart hits the floor? Mom started radiation in the middle of October and did great, just a little bit of nausea at the middle of her treatment but by the end was doing great. She then started chemotherapy towards the end of October and finished up in the middle of January. Thankfully she had no side effects from the chemo w/ the exception of being really tired at the begining while her body adjusted to the changes associated w/ chemo. All of February and March mom was doing fantastic, walking in lowes and walmart, going to her favorite past time, bingo! About 1 and 1/2 weeks ago she started getting tired, didn't think that much of it. Now for the past week she's really gone down hill, sleeping alot, not eating much. Today she's complaining of painful ribs, a sore right arm and just generally being tired. The only time she's gotten out of bed has been for breakfast and bathroom breaks. I try to help as much as she'll let me, but you know how moms are, they think they have to do it all by themselves, the children are not supposed to be helping them they're supposed to be helping the children. I[m trying to be so strong in front of her but it's so hard. I tend to be an emotional person, I even cry at comercials so when it's my mom who's being effected I'm falling to pieces and don't know what to do and don't want her to see this. It's only my sister and I here with mom. The closest relative is over 3 hours away and that's mom's sister in-law and her daughter and son in-law and grand kids. My friends and co-workers have been so supportive but I can't keep dumping on them and since I'm the oldest I feel like the burden should be on me. I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry this is so long but I thank you for all of you taking the time to read and answer me. You support, prayers and love mean so much. I can't tell you how great it is to be associated w/ such a woderful group of people. Thanks for letting me vent. Donna, sfy -:d

Hello Donna, First of all ((((((((hugs)))))))).. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. my Mom is my EVERYTHING.. I dont know what I would do without her.. I know a time like this will come for me as well and I am preparing myself for the future.. Please remember, we are here for you!! Support, prayers and most of all Love!!! Hang in there October sister!! Luvs and Hugs! Tiff

Hi tiff, thanks so much for the hugs, love, support and prayers. As you said we all know that something like this will eventually come knocking at our door but you never expect it when it does. Like you mom is everything to margaret and I. Beleive me when I say you can never be prepared. Mom had a slightly better day today, she got up, got dressed and sat outside in the screen room. Had some breakfast and ate breakfast and read the paper. Afternoon she sat and watched some tv w/ me while folding the laundry and that tired her out. So now she's back in bed sleeping. It makes me crazy not knowing what I can do to help her feel better. Give me a sick baby and I can care for them blindfolded, but when it comes to this (cancer) I'm clueless. Thanks again for the support, love and hugs and especially the prayers. Donna

Donna, First of all, BIG HUGS to you sweetie. I know how hard it is to try and hold it together and take care of everyone else when YOU need a little TLC also. Come here anytime. We are here for you always. I'm so sorry to see that your Mom is not doing well. Has she been to the doctor to see why she is so tired? I hope this is something that can be taken care of soon and she will be okay. Remember, you can lean on me anytime. I'll have your Mom and you in my prayers. Hugs, Susan

HEY SUSAN, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT, HUGS AND KEEPING MOM IN YOUR PRAYERS, DON'T WORRY ABOUT PRAYERS FOR ME, CENTER THEM ALL ON MOM. IT'S SO GOOD KNOWING I CAN COME HERE AND LET OUT MY FRUSTRATIONS AND WORRYS. I DON'T WANT HER TO SEE HOW MUCH I WORRY ABOUT HER. IT'S MAKING ME NUTS TO SEE HOW ALL OF A SUDDEN THIS HAPPENED. I WAS SPEAKING W/ A CO-WORKER WHO ALSO WENT THROUGH CHEMO, SHE HAD BREAST CANCER. SHE TOLD ME THAT AT TWO MONTHS AFTER FINISHING CHEMO THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO HER, NOW SHE'S FEELING BETTER. HOPEFULLY THIS WILL BE THE SAME FOR MOM. I'M HOPING THIS IS A TRANSITION FOR HER BODY NOT GETTING ANY MORE TREATMENTS. I TOOK MOM TO HER ONCOLOGIST THIS PAST TUESDAY AND HE ORDERED ANOTHER CAT SCAN OF HER CHEST, ABDOMEN AND PELVIS BUT THIS WON'T OCCUR TILL JUNE. CRAZY RIGHT? BUT THAT'S BECAUSE OF MEDICARE REGULATIONS. HER HEMOGLOBIN WAS DOWN ALITTLE BUT THE DR. TOLD US HE COULDN'T GIVE HER A SHOT, AGAIN BECAUSE OF MEDICARE REGULATIONS. I WANT TO HIT THOSE PEOPLE. IF THINGS DON'T IMPROVE BY TOMORROW OR TUESDAY I'M TAKING HER TO HER PCP AND SEE IF HE CAN GIVE HER A B-12 SHOT AND/OR SOMETHING FOR PAIN. I DID BUY SOME MULTIVITS W/ IRON AND 1000mcg B-12 TABS, SHE STARTED TAKING THEM TUESDAY, HOPEFULLY THESE WILL KICK IN SOON. THANKS AGAIN FOR LENDING YOUR EYES READING THIS AND FOR THE HUGS AND PRAYERS. DONNA

I am sorry that your mother is ill. I have a co-worker that was diagnosed with lung cancer last fall. She went through radiation and chemo as well. She still has dayas when it just gets the best of her. I don't know if this is the same situation with your MOM. I hope so. Call her doctor. She should be seen. Aime

Hi aime, thanks so much for your support. Mom was also diagnosed last fall, in sept. What amazes me is that is happened virtually over night. One day she's fine the next day she's feeling rotten. What worrys her the most, I think, is that two years ago this oct. Her brother died of lung cancer, before that, again two years prior, her sister also past away from lung cancer. For both of them it was 2 months from diagnosis to death. Also she get horse (sp)not often but every once in awhile and mom says " just before your uncle died he got horse." which is true. I took her to her oncologist this past Tuesday, he ordered a cat scan but this won't occur till June, due to medicare regulations. That sucks. As I told susan, if things don't improve, I'll be taking her to her pcp Monday or Tuesday. Thanks for the support, this is a great group of people. Donna

Hi Donna Sending some love your way. It is truly painful to see your parents go through anything - as my parents get older, I get more and more emotional as their health issues develop. My heart goes out to you. The burden, I feel, is always on me, too, since I am the single one in the family, and live next door to my parents; it is not a burden on me, actually, I WANT to be able to be there for them; but it's frustrating that sometimes the others don't 'want to be there'. Get your mom to the doctor and I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Much love Michelle

Hi michelle, I can't tell you how get it to release all the feelings I had bottled up inside. It's so hard to be strong when all you want to do is cry. As w/ you both my sister and I are single so all three of live together in harmony. We all get along so well I can't imagine her not being here. Now don't misunderstand me she's not at deaths door. She still gets up and dresses, walks out to the kitchen or screen room but by the time she sits down she's tired. She's feeling alittle better today but still gets tired real fast, in fact she's sleeping as I write this. If things don't change soon I'll be taking her to her pcp either Monday or Tuesday. Her oncologist can only do so much now that the chemo tx have stoped due to medicare regulations. Thanks so much for the support, and prayers. Donna

Donna, I am so sorry to hear about your Mother..I know exactly how you feel..I remember crying because I didnt know how to be a Mother to my daughters at the time when my Mother was so ill.. I just wanted her to hold me.. but the grace of God hugged me and held me up when I thought I didnt know what to do He showed me..and as life is I was able to be the daughter she deserved and the Mother my daughters so needed. Hang in there.. and know you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.. Carmen........