Confused and Complicated????

Well, not much has changed. Just seems I can't get past what has been said or done and don't know if I ever will. He says he can change..be everything I ever wanted, I just don't think men can change. They might want to but still...I also don't feel like people should change. He says he feels different now...he feels alive inside and wants to share that. I don't know what to think or if I want to. I have been invited to go Harley Riding this weekend and just go out and have some fun...just can't sit around right now. I just want to SCREAM!!!! AHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHA!!! STILL DON'T FEEL BETTER!! Hugs,

Okay....my two cents worth....if you love him and are IN love with him - which you've indicated you are - and he's saying things like this....why not give it another shot? If it doesn't work then you'll never have the lingering doubts of "what if I had given it one last try?" If he doesn't change, then you can leave with a clear mind knowing you gave it your all. If he does, then you can live happily ever after. HOWEVER, I would make continuing to see a counsellor - possibly a different one than the one you've been using - a mandatory part of you coming back. This way you can work out the problems you've been thru. I know it had to hurt to hear him say the things he did. I've been there (different words/situation, but same feelings) with my hubby. It took a while (a whole year) to work it out, but we did and are still together and our marriage and love is stronger than either of us could've imagined. On the flip side, I gave this same advice to my BIL. He did it....tried for six months with his ex....and nothing changed. But, he thanked me for giving him the advice because it helped him to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was making the right choice. He's had peace since then with his decision to divorce. So.....take the free advice for what it's worth. And, just know, whatever your decision, I'll be here for you. I don't know your situation as well as I knew both mine and my BILs...so I may giving you the completely wrong advice. Just consider it... And, by all means...have a fun weekend!!!! You deserve it sweetie!!! Susan

Thanks Susan for the wise advise. The only problem I am having right now is I feel like I have worked on this for at least 3 years and nothing has changed and now that I have left he is ready to change. I don't think I can me receptacle to this and the reasons are he broke my heart and another man has entered into my heart. I hate to say that but I just want to be honest, I would love to see where that will go. We have decided not to see each other until I get things straighten out and if I chose to go back he understands that. Can I work on this thinking of someone else and is that fair? You know after being done that way for 4 years...how do you get passed it? I know it is wrong to have those feelings but you can't help what the heart feels. Hugs,

Angela... Call me tomorrow sometime between 9:00 and 3:00 if you have a chance. If you need my number, PM me and I'll give it to you. Susan

Hi again Angela I enjoyed chatting with you on Yahoo yesterday. I still believe you need to follow your heart. Do what makes you feel like a whole person so you can feel better about yourself. I am with Susan though...still go see the councilor (SP?) I am sure they can help you with the problems you are feeling. You know something?...being miserable in a relationship is one of the worse things a person can go threw. I am sorting things out in my head to. Weighing pros and cons. I really think one of the reasons that I gained all of the weight I did was from being unhappy. Think about this...did you gain your weight from being unhappy in your marriage??? I am sticking it out for now, here with my hubby and seeing where the road goes. I don't want to make any rash decisions but if I feel I get to the point where I am going back to food for comfort then I will have to go solo because I am not going to let it get me down like that anymore and I am not going to spend the rest of my life bickering over stupid stuff. Life is too short to be so damn miserable all the time. I have found that my husband has changed a tiny bit and I mean tiny, since I have lost some weight. I still am not really sexually attracted to him anymore but that is the part of growing old right??? I find that I am not as snappy but he can still be just as moody sometimes but he does have more better days than he used to. I am off from work the 3 days that he has off this weekend...I just wonder if it is going to be a good weekend or a bad one??? I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will have no blowups and be able to do something fun together. We shall see?! You get out this weekend and live it up!!! It sounds like you are excited about it so go for it my friend Lisa S I am here if you ever need me

I can't say I was totally miserable in the marriage but not as happy as I feel I should be or want to be. Honestly do I know what happiness is right now. I need to find that. Hugs,