Old Habits are hard to break...

This past week I have noticed that I still have some old habits that I am having trouble breaking. One of them being that when I get upset I eat...or TRY to eat. I don't get upset much, luckily. Dave started playing poker on Saturday nights about a year ago. I didn't like that because that meant I was home by myself with the kids from 7pm until about 2-3am. It was just every other Sat, then it was every Sat, THEN they started playing on Friday, too!!! Well, beginning this year I said "TWO nights a month." Well, he did that the first two months this year, then this month he is going more and more AND is going to Atlantic City next week with the guys to play. I just hate being home alone on weekends. He says I can put the kids to bed and enjoy some peace and quiet, but that isn't what I want. This past Saturday we went to my sisters and got home early enough that he could go play the second game...not intentionally on my part, but we came home to put the kids to bed. As soon as he left, I grabbed some beef jerkey and ate it. Protein, atleast. My stomach was upset because I was upset. Then I went and grabbed three SF jello cubes and ate them. Within a minute I threw them up. Probably because of my nerves. I need to find something else to do when I get upset...or just drop it and accept he likes to play poker and figure out something constructive to do when he leaves. I used to crochet. I can't with the kids around. I should take that time to work on some baby blankets. URGH!! Then tonight we had fish for dinner. It was a tad dry. I ate it and some corn and felt OK. Then I realized I didn't take my vitamins. I took a swig of water to wash down the vitamins and chewed my chewable and within seconds felt ill. I laid down, but it upset my tummy more, so I went and threw up some of what I ate for dinner AND my pills. URGH!!! STILL can't drink and eat together...not even a swig. Will I ever learn? Hugs, Tabby

Hi Tabby, Sorry to hear you had such a rough time. The good thing is, you recognize what you did and that's the first step in correcting and preventing it. It sounds almost like you were trying to shove your feelings back down your throat. Once, I was talking to a therapist about a childhood thing and I started to become very angry and upset, then calmed myself, and she said, "You swallowed your anger." I didn't really hear what she was saying, but she said, "Just now. You were expressing your anger, then you stopped, swallowed hard, and the anger is gone. You swallowed your anger." Wow...I think I'd done that my whole life. Your story makes me think of that. Hon, you need to let that anger out. Are you afraid to do that? If so, why? You don't need to answer, but you may want to think about it. The very last thing you want to do is punish yourself; your anger is perfectly legitimate. Another thought...men can use the occasional shock to bring them back to reality. Can you call up your sister or a friend and make plans to go out this weekend, while he's away? Get a sitter and make a fuss the rest of the week over which hot new outfit you're going to wear, practice dancing "spontaneously" when he's there, offer to pack his bag with an excited smile on your face. He's a man - that means he's perfectly happy to go about his fun secure in the knowledge that his woman is home pining for him. It's just their nature. "Peace and quiet," he said? Baby, you need to give that man something to think about while he's out there. Try it. Good luck! Lisa

***BIG HUGS*** Honey, I have no words of wisdom for you. Just know I care. I agree with Lisa though, part of the solution is recognizing the problem. Now that you have pin pointed what is causing it, it's time to figure out what you need to do. Good luck with that. Susan

Tabby, have you really told him how you feel about him leaving you alone? I would be upset too. I feel that the weekend is the only time we get to really see our spouses. I know that when I was a stay at home mom, I looked forward to seeing my husband on the weekends. Let him know that you feel that poker is stealing your family time away. If he insists on continuing, I would let him know that you need your time too. Maybe you can go for a girls' night out and leave him home with the kids.

Thank you guys for your support. Yah, I am glad that I can recognize what I am doing and know I need to correct it. I don't know why I get so upset. He goes to this place about 5 miles away, they don't drink, don't smoke, it is mostly older men and a few of older women. If I plan something for us to do, he doesn't go to play poker...unless we get home early enough to go. I do have a girls night once a month, but have had to cancel it the last 2 mos because of weather. I even cancelled it last Friday because of snow. I rescheduled it for the 30th and my kids are going to spend the night with my mom, so I don't have to rush home from my night out. My best friend may even spend the night with me that night. I also told him the other day about our reunion in October and said "I guess that means that I have to let you go to Atlantic City again later this year." He just laughed. I have told him how much I don't like to be home alone on weekend night. I guess he doesn't want to sit around and watch TV when he could go out and play poker and possibly win some $$$. I guess he is pretty good at it. That damn Texas Holdem is pretty addictive, I hear. I just have to put my foot down about how often he is going. I said twice a month and that wouldn't upset me. That is my biggest complaint in our marriage, so it isn't that bad. Oh well. I've got some stuff to work on. Hee Hee. I'll be fine. Thanks again for the support.