Darn It(s)! & WOW (s)...
Darn It #1 :
Didn't make my goal of being in the 270's by my birthday yesterday. Seem to have hit a major plateau *sigh* But when I am honest I know why. I have not been working out. I have not been tracking my food. I have not been watching how much fluids I am taking in and I have not been tracking my protein. HMMMMM Gee I am beginning to think this is my fault LOL.
Darn It #2 :
Ok remember I went and bought new pants. Welp when to wear the to the vet last Thursday ( see more about that below ) and guess what. I couldn't do it. I had to have put them on and off 10 times trying to get out the door in them. But I didn't make it. I felt so... NAKED. Its hard to have lost so much and still be so morbidly obese. I know that no matter how much of a change I have gone through that when I walk out that door I am still a HUGE woman that people see as huge not as WOW shes lost a lot. I KNOW the old clothes were NOT hiding anything but I "felt" that they were and ended up going out in my old baggy pants. I did wear my smaller shirt but only cuz I knew I wouldn't have to take my jacket off. Ok so apparently I still have some issues to deal with lolol. PLEASE don't tell me to "just wear them and go" type things. The fact is I am where a lot of you started... You weren't running out the door in new clothes back then either without sommmmmmmmme kind of issues going on lol. I know that it will get better with time and shrinkage lolol. So I am not to worried about it. I have to admit that I wasn't going to post this. This falls under my "not mu*****ommon with most people on the board" list lol. Everyone is talking about how they are under 200 and buying clothes and out there doing things and I guess I feel just far behind some days...
WOW moment #1 :
Walked out to get the mail with kids walking home from school and even made it out there while the school bus was pulling up. Didn't turn around and flee to the house because people were going to see me. NOPE I lifted my chin, put one foot in front of the other and went out to the box. Even looked the bus driver square in the face and smiled and nodded. Got my mail and WALKED lol ( this would have been where the half sprint would normally have come in) back to the house with the same smile on my face. Waved to the new neighbors across the street and went in the house. Where I promptly flopped on the couch, breathing hard from well the sheer stupidity that it effected me so much and cried happy tears that I am making progresses with changing my stupid behavior that I have in grained from all these past years.
WOW moment #2 :
Took Mr. Bear to the vet on Thursday. Each exam room has this built in shelf type seat. You know the ones that are this huge flat board type seat held up by these tiny thin boards barely screwed in the the studs type seats. Well every year I sit on them I am just sure the seat is going to flop to the floor with the amount of groaning and wailing it makes when I sit on it. Last year I was almost 400 when we took him in and I didn't even try to sit as I just knew it wouldn't hold me. Welp this year I didn't even THINK about it and just plopped down on the seat and guess what NO GROANING AND MOANING was heard from the wall or the seat. Not only that.. usually when I sit on them there is just enough room for poor J to sit with out being smothered. This year there was room for me, J AND half of Mr. Bear as he felt he should be sitting there too. The nurse must have thought I was nuts for all the smiling I was doing that day. But really how do you explain it and make anyone understand who hasn't been there right? LOL
WOW moment #3 :
I picked Joshua up last night and he said "Momma look!" I was like what? He said.. "I can touch my toes!!" And ya know what! HE COULD in fact he could almost touch his feel flat after wrapping his legs around my waist!! I never used to even be able to give him piggy back rides because we couldnt get through the door frames with out amputating his legs off.
WOW moment #4 :
Dale got home last night and I heard words I had not heard out of Joshua ever.
Dale asked him how his day went and Joshua answered " Mom and I had so much fun! We played outside together". I had to walk in the other room cuz I was bawling.
Ok those are my moments lol..
Thanks for reading.
Who needs therapy when we have such a wonderful place to come to, to express whats going on in our lives... YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!! 
*huggles*
Felicia =0) 
*sniff* *sniff* Ok I am all teared up now... 
I am soooo there with you one the #2. We are in the same place girl. You have to do what is comfortable for you and take it at your pace. Only you know what you are somfortable with and you will make the leap when you are ready. I am proud of you for getting out and going places! It is sooo great to be out and about. Good clean air. OK well maybe out there not so much in the city here 
Joshua has got to be one of the sweetest kids ever! I just know that more great times are just around the corner for you! I am glad you had such a great day yesterday! What a great way to end the day!!!
xoxo,
Melissa
I am soooo there with you one the #2. We are in the same place girl. You have to do what is comfortable for you and take it at your pace. Only you know what you are somfortable with and you will make the leap when you are ready. I am proud of you for getting out and going places! It is sooo great to be out and about. Good clean air. OK well maybe out there not so much in the city here
Joshua has got to be one of the sweetest kids ever! I just know that more great times are just around the corner for you! I am glad you had such a great day yesterday! What a great way to end the day!!!
xoxo,
Melissa 
Hi Felicia..
Congrats on your multiple wow-isms 
I seem to recall your saying something about being able to play with your son and give him the kind of attention he deserved was one of your main goals, yes? And you're already achieving it - well done!
About the size stuff...trying to get out the door in the new pants sounds like it was a real ordeal for you. Sorry to hear you went through that. I think it's normal.
I do the same thing sometimes still. Felicia, I think you and I are in the same sizes. I've still got 19 lbs to go to get under 200 and I started at 300...but I am only 5'! Do you know what 300lbs looks like on 5'? I was as wide as I was high! I am still no lightweight! But I am not way bigger than everyone I see out there and I'll wager that you're not either - I see your picture! We are now, at our current size...LOL...the "average American!"
You are one of the kindest people I've ever encountered. Please be sure to extend that kindness to yourself. We have had to deal with some truly awful pain. Our bodies have changed a lot these past months, but our minds and hearts and souls are still playing catch-up. Be patient with yourself. Take baby steps...maybe you'll start out by wearing the new pants at home a couple hours, when no one else is around, till you start feeling comfortable in them. If that's all you're ready for today, so be it. Your schoolbus story shows that you are overcoming your fears...at your pace, and that's all that matters.
Baby steps, baby.
Lisa
I seem to recall your saying something about being able to play with your son and give him the kind of attention he deserved was one of your main goals, yes? And you're already achieving it - well done!
About the size stuff...trying to get out the door in the new pants sounds like it was a real ordeal for you. Sorry to hear you went through that. I think it's normal.
I do the same thing sometimes still. Felicia, I think you and I are in the same sizes. I've still got 19 lbs to go to get under 200 and I started at 300...but I am only 5'! Do you know what 300lbs looks like on 5'? I was as wide as I was high! I am still no lightweight! But I am not way bigger than everyone I see out there and I'll wager that you're not either - I see your picture! We are now, at our current size...LOL...the "average American!"
You are one of the kindest people I've ever encountered. Please be sure to extend that kindness to yourself. We have had to deal with some truly awful pain. Our bodies have changed a lot these past months, but our minds and hearts and souls are still playing catch-up. Be patient with yourself. Take baby steps...maybe you'll start out by wearing the new pants at home a couple hours, when no one else is around, till you start feeling comfortable in them. If that's all you're ready for today, so be it. Your schoolbus story shows that you are overcoming your fears...at your pace, and that's all that matters.
Baby steps, baby.
Lisa Thank you so much for all that you said. I spent the evening last night trying to think of replies worthy of the wonderful replies I got here and nothing seemed to express my gratitude like I had hoped so I will simply say THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! And you are so right. I am achieving my goals!!! For that matter we both are!!! One baby step at a time!!
*SUPER HUGE HUGS*
Felicia =0)
Felicia,
Look how far you have come! Not only with your weight loss, but your emotional well being. 5 months ago you would have never thought about going outside where people could see you. You couldn't play with your son or sit on a bench. You've come a long way, baby!
The best part about this journey has been taking it with you. You and I started at similar weights and continue to be close in weight. I honestly don't think I could do this without you!
I seem to have the opposite problem with clothing. If it's too big, I think I look bigger.
I put on a 3x shirt and jacket this morning that I could never wear because it was too small. It's huge on me now. I couldn't make myself wear it because I think it made me look heavier.
I'm happy with how I loo****il I see pictures. I guess my mirror lies because I don't see all the bad (never have).
I hope things change and you see how far you have come. Your pictures continue to amaze me. You look like a different person!
I have tears in my eyes as I type this because I'm so happy for you and your family, especially your son. He got his momma back!!!!!
Huge hugs to you, my weight loss sister!!!!!!!!
FELICIA,
ALL THOSE WOW MOMENTS JUST BLEW ME AWAY. YOU HAVE MADE SUCH TREMENDOUS ACCOMPLISHMENTS SINCE YOU BEGAN THIS JOURNEY.
CAN I FLY OUT AND BIT JOSHUA? 
HE SOUNDS LIKE A FANTASTIC LITTLE BOY. GIVE HIM A HUG AND KISS FOR ME.
SO WHAT IF YOU STILL STRUGGLE W/ THE CLOTHES ISSUE. JUST TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. PUT THE NEW PANTS AWAY FOR NOW, IN A COUPLE OF DAYS OR WEEKS TRY THEM ON AGAIN. IF YOU HAVE TO, JUST GO OUT THE FRONT DOOR AND WALK AROUND THE HOUSE TO GET MORE COMFORTABLE, THEN GO BACK INTO THE HOUSE AND PUT ON A OLD PAIR OF COMFORTABLE ONES
AT LEAST YOU'VE MADE AN ATTEMPT AND GOT NEW PANTS. I'M STILL WEARING MY BAGGY POLYESTER, YES I SAID POLYESTER PANTS. OLD HABITS DIE HARD AND THEY'RE SO COMFORTABLE, SOMETHING FAMILIAR IN THIS EVER CHANGING NEW LIFE STYLE WE'VE EMBARKED ON.
JUST BY WALKING OUT TO MEET THE SCHOOL BUS YOU'VE TAKEN A HUGH STEP IN YOUR PROGRESS. I THINK IT WON'T MATTER HOW MUCH WE LOOSE, WE'LL STILL SEE THAT FAT PERSON WE WERE AND BASICALLY STILL ARE NO MATTER HOW MUCH WEIGHT WE LOOSE. IT'S A STRUGGLE WE'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. I BELIEVE THAT BOTH YOU AND I AND EVERY ONE ELSE ON THIS BOARD ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO PERSEVERE NO MATTER WHAT MAY COME OUR WAY. LOOK, WE'VE ALRADY TAKEN THE FIRST STEP BY ADMITTING WE'RE FAT AND HAVING THE WILL AND NERVE TO CHANGE THAT W/ THIS SURGERY. SO DON'T KNOCK YOURSELF DOWN BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T WEAR THE PANTS. JUST THANK GOD THAT YOU'RE ABLE TO PLAY MORE W/ THAT BEAUTIFUL SON OF YOURS.
THOSE DAMN SEATS AT THE VETS. I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY IT SEEMS AS IF EVERY VET HAS THE SAME TYPE, CHEAP SEATS. I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM, LAST YEAR I'D LOOK AT THEM AND LAUGH TO MYSELF. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? ONLY A 65# PERSON COULD SIT ON THEM W/O THEM BREAKING. LIKE YOU, I RECENTLY TOOK MR. MOOGEY BUES (MAINECOON CAT) FOR HIS YEARLY SHOTS AND JUST PLOPPED DOWN W/O THINKING AND HELD MY BREATH, WAITING TO HIT THE FLOOR. OH MY GOD! I DIDN'T, THE CHAIR HELD AND I'M STILL AT 232#. AGAIN LIKE YOU I SEEM TO EITHER BE A SLOW LOOSER OR ON A STALL, WHAT A CRAPPY THING TO HAVE HAPPEN.
ARE YOU SURE WE'RE NOT LONG LOST SISTERS SEPERATED AT BIRTH? I'VE ALSO BEEN VERY LAZY W/ THE EXERCISE, ACTURALLY, I DON'T EXERCISE PER SAY, I WALK. WHICH I HAVEN'T DONE IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS. SO I GOT OUT TO DAY, BY THE WAY IT'S 72 HERE AND DID A BRISK ONE MILE WALK. BRISK IS GOOD FOR ME EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ONLY A MILE, REMEMBER I'M A SEVERE ASTHMATIC SO EVEN WALKING DOWN THE HOSPITAL HALL WAS A STRUGGLE FOR ME AT TIMES. WASN'T GETTING IN THE FLUID AND DEFINATELY NOT GETTING IN ENOUGH PROTEIN. THANKS TO YOU AND THAT GREAT SHAKE I'LL BE GETTING IN THE PROTEIN NOW.
YOU GO AHEAD AND DRY HONEY, IT'S GOOD FOR RELEAVING THE TENSION.
DAMN, I'D BETTER STOP WRITTING, IT LOOKS AS IF I'VE STARTED A BOOK. 
KEEP YOU CHIN UP AND BE PROUD OF ALL YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS BOTH BIG AND SMALL. I KNOW I'M EXTREMELY PROUD OF ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR YOURSELF AND FOR ALL YOU DO FOR EVERYONE HERE.
DONNA, SFY 
HE SOUNDS LIKE A FANTASTIC LITTLE BOY. GIVE HIM A HUG AND KISS FOR ME.
SO WHAT IF YOU STILL STRUGGLE W/ THE CLOTHES ISSUE. JUST TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. PUT THE NEW PANTS AWAY FOR NOW, IN A COUPLE OF DAYS OR WEEKS TRY THEM ON AGAIN. IF YOU HAVE TO, JUST GO OUT THE FRONT DOOR AND WALK AROUND THE HOUSE TO GET MORE COMFORTABLE, THEN GO BACK INTO THE HOUSE AND PUT ON A OLD PAIR OF COMFORTABLE ONES
AT LEAST YOU'VE MADE AN ATTEMPT AND GOT NEW PANTS. I'M STILL WEARING MY BAGGY POLYESTER, YES I SAID POLYESTER PANTS. OLD HABITS DIE HARD AND THEY'RE SO COMFORTABLE, SOMETHING FAMILIAR IN THIS EVER CHANGING NEW LIFE STYLE WE'VE EMBARKED ON.
JUST BY WALKING OUT TO MEET THE SCHOOL BUS YOU'VE TAKEN A HUGH STEP IN YOUR PROGRESS. I THINK IT WON'T MATTER HOW MUCH WE LOOSE, WE'LL STILL SEE THAT FAT PERSON WE WERE AND BASICALLY STILL ARE NO MATTER HOW MUCH WEIGHT WE LOOSE. IT'S A STRUGGLE WE'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. I BELIEVE THAT BOTH YOU AND I AND EVERY ONE ELSE ON THIS BOARD ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO PERSEVERE NO MATTER WHAT MAY COME OUR WAY. LOOK, WE'VE ALRADY TAKEN THE FIRST STEP BY ADMITTING WE'RE FAT AND HAVING THE WILL AND NERVE TO CHANGE THAT W/ THIS SURGERY. SO DON'T KNOCK YOURSELF DOWN BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T WEAR THE PANTS. JUST THANK GOD THAT YOU'RE ABLE TO PLAY MORE W/ THAT BEAUTIFUL SON OF YOURS.
THOSE DAMN SEATS AT THE VETS. I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY IT SEEMS AS IF EVERY VET HAS THE SAME TYPE, CHEAP SEATS. I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM, LAST YEAR I'D LOOK AT THEM AND LAUGH TO MYSELF. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? ONLY A 65# PERSON COULD SIT ON THEM W/O THEM BREAKING. LIKE YOU, I RECENTLY TOOK MR. MOOGEY BUES (MAINECOON CAT) FOR HIS YEARLY SHOTS AND JUST PLOPPED DOWN W/O THINKING AND HELD MY BREATH, WAITING TO HIT THE FLOOR. OH MY GOD! I DIDN'T, THE CHAIR HELD AND I'M STILL AT 232#. AGAIN LIKE YOU I SEEM TO EITHER BE A SLOW LOOSER OR ON A STALL, WHAT A CRAPPY THING TO HAVE HAPPEN.
ARE YOU SURE WE'RE NOT LONG LOST SISTERS SEPERATED AT BIRTH? I'VE ALSO BEEN VERY LAZY W/ THE EXERCISE, ACTURALLY, I DON'T EXERCISE PER SAY, I WALK. WHICH I HAVEN'T DONE IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS. SO I GOT OUT TO DAY, BY THE WAY IT'S 72 HERE AND DID A BRISK ONE MILE WALK. BRISK IS GOOD FOR ME EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ONLY A MILE, REMEMBER I'M A SEVERE ASTHMATIC SO EVEN WALKING DOWN THE HOSPITAL HALL WAS A STRUGGLE FOR ME AT TIMES. WASN'T GETTING IN THE FLUID AND DEFINATELY NOT GETTING IN ENOUGH PROTEIN. THANKS TO YOU AND THAT GREAT SHAKE I'LL BE GETTING IN THE PROTEIN NOW.
YOU GO AHEAD AND DRY HONEY, IT'S GOOD FOR RELEAVING THE TENSION.
DAMN, I'D BETTER STOP WRITTING, IT LOOKS AS IF I'VE STARTED A BOOK.
KEEP YOU CHIN UP AND BE PROUD OF ALL YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS BOTH BIG AND SMALL. I KNOW I'M EXTREMELY PROUD OF ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR YOURSELF AND FOR ALL YOU DO FOR EVERYONE HERE.
DONNA, SFY Most Active
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