A Sobering "Wow"

I just went through my too big clothes to see what I could donate...and I couldn't believe how awful they were. Aside from those things I had to wear to work, which were presentable, just not attractive, all of my casual stuff was a mess...stains, spots, holes, torn hems and seams...I can't believe I wore that stuff. I mean...I didn't realize that I was so down on myself that I didn't care how bad my clothes were. It kind of breaks my heart to realize it. This stuff isn't fit to give to anyone. I wonder, at what point did I stop caring? And when did I start again? Suddenly, I won't leave home if my clothes don't look right. If I get a spot on something when I'm hanging out at home, it comes right off and goes into the wash. I don't go out without a touch of makeup and my hair looking right; this wasn't the case for a long time. I wear a necklace even at home. I care again. Last weekend, I bought a pair of shoes...just because they're cute! I haven't done that since...gosh, since the 80s? By the way, I'm back into my pre-weight gain shoe size of 5 1/2 There is just so much to appreciate. I have a job interview this week and I'm not in tears over what to wear. And I'm not worried about getting there on time, however the buses are running, because once I am downtown, I can pretty much walk anywhere, no problem. I can focus solely on doing a good interview and not worry that my size will rule me out the moment I walk in the door. There's something bittersweet about it all, though...like I said, I didn't realize how bad things were...I can't help feeling a bit sad when I think of how much was wasted - how much time and opportunity, the friendships I wasn't out forming, the lovers I didn't bother to look for, the classes I didn't take, the parties I didn't attend. There's something to be grieved here before I let it go, despite my joy and my gratitude. Thanks for reading... Lisa

Wow Lisa....as you said, that was a sobering Wow moment. But, one I can relate to. Good luck on your job interview....and with moving on in your life!!! Love that you bought yourself some shoes "just because they were cute!" How wonderful is that!!! Susan

What a wonderful post Lisa. Loved reading it and could relate so much to what you wrote. I too wonder when I quit caring and it is such a great feeling to care again about life. Today I just went for an orientation for a new job and I loved it. So wonderful to be out with working people and to feel confident. I know this may sound strange but I was sitting in the conference room and there were people there that were larger than I am. Shock, no one was ever bigger than I was. I always felt like people were judging me by my size and today, I actually felt like I fit in with others and felt good about myself. I still have some work to do with a new wardrobe but I don't want to get too much with the changes the body are making. Then for lunch everyone went and brought back food from McDonald's and I sat there with my bottle of water. Not to be judgemental but it surprised me with my thoughts. A lady was sitting there eating 2 cheeseburgers and my first though was , wow, how could you eat so much. Then the flashback came of me sitting and easily eating 2 burgers, fries and a shake. But I did not even have the desire to eat the burger or the chicken wraps. I did come home and need to eat something. Really it was just needing something other than water as I drank about 60 oz during the course of 6 hours. Enough water, give me my CL. But enjoy the caring feeling and good luck on the interview. Take care.....Gay

Gay, isn't that a wonderful feeling, realizing you're not way bigger than everyone else in the room! I experienced that recently too and it was a shock. And I have the same reaction to how much people are eating around me, especially the fast food, not to mention the speed at which they eat it. I wonder how in the world they do it before I remember that I used to do the same thing! Lisa

Good luck with the interview this week. I will keep my fingers crossed for ya ( 1 hand only of course lol ). Let us know how it goes ok!!! *huggles* Felicia =0)

I too can relate Lisa. It is amazing how life just passed us by. The good thing is, we have taken back our lives. Thanks for the post. Also, good luck with your interview!!!! Allison

Oh, Lisa...that really is a sobering WOW moment. When did we stop caring? I think I avoided a lot of situations because of my size and didn't take time to do things for myself for a while. I spent so much money on my kids clothes because I loved to shop and had no desire to buy anything for myself. I hated taking things into the dressing room only to leave empty handed. I hated it!!! Enjoy the new you and don't look back too long to greive what was lost. You will never get it back and you have SOOOOO much to look forward to. Good luck on your interview and on your new life. Hugs, sweetie!!! Tabby

Okay, now you've done it. You've gone and made me cry. You are so right. I think each one of us (even if we aren't yet ready to admit it to ourselves) reached a point that we no longer cared about ourselves. It may have take the form of not caring enough to look our best, not caring enough to treat ourselves right, or not caring enough to expect (demand) better (equal) treatment from others. I remember reaching that point. I can give you details about the exact moment it happened. It was a very painful moment. Thank you for your posting. It will serve to remind us all of just how far we've come. It will also remind us that there are many people around us who are still in the midst of that painful period who need our love, understanding and comfort. Thanks Lisa for sharing a great WOW moment! Annette

Annette... "It will also remind us that there are many people around us who are still in the midst of that painful period who need our love, understanding and comfort." Amen to that. Lisa

Thanks Lisa, for sharing your sobering "wow" moment. I could relate to so much of what you said! Good luck on your interview and please, be sure to let us all know how you made out! Holly