I've started this post 3 times.....

I've tried to post this 3 different times today. I feel like an outsider here since I'm not able to post all the time because of work. My issue is that I never dreamed that people I know wouldn't be happy for me for losing weight. Everyone was supportive before I had surgery. Now I find that people, especially those close to me rarely mention my weight loss (90 pounds). The worst offender seems to be my mother. She tried twice before to have WLS but her insurance wouldn't pay for it. As my weight gets closer to hers, she seems to ignore my loss. My mother has always been supportive of everything I've ever done. She never once made me feel bad about my weight and even bought my clothes for me. I've talked to some other family that has noticed the change in her since my surgery. My aunt believes she is jealous. I could've never imagined that my mother of all people would be jealous of me! My best friend was ecstatic when I told her I was having WLS. I saw her the other night and she had a panicked look when she first saw me. Again, I'm getting close to her current weight. I've always been the super hugely fat friend to everyone. My friend has recently gained a lot of weight. I can't imagine what will transpire when I lose 100 more pounds. Thanks for reading this. I think I just needed to get it out there because I'm sure I'm not the first to live through this, lol!

Aw, Jenn...I'm so sorry that your friends and family aren't being very supportive about your weight loss. I know that has to hurt. My mom and younger sister are VERY supportive, but my older sister isn't so much. I don't know if I posted this on here before or not, but I had asked her if I could borrow some clothes the she doesn't wear right now because her weigh has fluctuated so much over the past few years that she has everything from like a size 14 to a size 20. She didn't say yes or no. Turned out that she GAVE AWAY her clothes and bragged to me about doing it..."I gave this girl at my church a huge garbage bag full of clothes and some of them even had tags still on them".... I was like WHAT????? I asked to BORROW them. She could have given them away in a month or so after I shrunk out of them. I wonder if she is jealous of my weight loss. I feel bad that she has gotten so big and it is mostly because of meds she is on. Anyways...I can't brag to her about my accomplishments and have her get excited for me. I feel like I am rubbing it in her face if I do. I let her ask me and then tell her when and if she does. Hopefully your friends and family will rally and see how good you are doing and be just as proud of you as we are. It is nice to have people IRL be excited for you. Hang in there... Hugs, Tabby

Thanks, Tabby, for relaying your story to me. It does help to know that I am in good company.

Ok first of all there are no "outsiders" here. We are all Surgery sisters and some post more then others and thats just the way it is ok!! But it doesn't make anyone less a member of Team Oct 06 then any one else GOT IT! *BIG HUGS*... Now with that said I was just thinking about you and almost emailed you when I say this cuz I was wondering if you were ok... Don't ask me why lol just a feeling... As for your Mom my best guess is that she is jealous. This is NOT you this is her. And no matter how it hurts its still NOT YOUR FAULT. I wonder if she has met my Mom. Anyways thats another whole rant not worth posting here lol. Same goes for the friend... Lets face it we are safe friends and people to have around when we are the 'worst' in the group. But as we start doing something about ourselves it brings up a lot of guilt, anger, jealous and various other feelings in people. It may come out directed at you but my best guess is that its actually a refection of the feelings they are having about themselves. I found that as I lost weight I found more and more of the confidence that I had lost as I got fatter and fatter and fatter. People around me didn't like that. They liked me better fat, misirible, worthless and silent. Now that I am more ME then I have been in over 8 years there is a lot of emotional crap going on around me. But this time its not going to drive me back to the frig. This time I am just done with them. I don't get it either... they should be happy for us but instead you get... well all this baggage instead.. Ok ranting here sorry about that... lol You keep up doing what is good for YOU. This isn't about them and they can either join you for the ride to good health and living or step off! Not sure if any of that helps but I do totally understand what you are saying and feeling. I LOVE every one on the OCT board but I have to say I have NO support system here at home besides my wonderful hubby of course. Its pretty lonely when the ones you thought would be there no matter what... aren't. *SUPER BIG HUGS* Felicia =0)

Felicia, you know that you and I are in sync ;) The more I kept thinking about this, the worse I started to feel. I hate the thought of people being jealous of me. I do think it's a reflection on them and the way they are feeling about themselves. It's all so weird to think that the ones I thought would be here for me aren't. I'm so glad that your husband is supportive of you. Really, that's what matters. I can't imagine trying to do this alone without my husband. Thank you so much for making me feel welcome here. I love reading everything here. Everyone here is so nice and you all seem to be so close. What a great support place!

I am changing the name of the board to "Supporters R Us" *grin* My husband rocks. He has been there through thick and thin with never a falter and he is the O N L Y persons whose opinion matters to me lol. Ok Joshua's does to but at 6 how much of an opinion on weight loss could he have LOLOL. It doesn't make it hurt any less when they be have that way but it does put it in perspective just a bit. WE ARE WORTH BEING TREATED NICELY!!! Always here for you anytime!! *huggles* Felicia =0)

Well...I am so sorry...if my mother was alive she would be my biggest supporter!! I know that 100%!! My best friend and I have always been close to the same sizes from high school on and now she weighs about 100 lbs more than me and actually calls be a "Deserving B---h!" in a loving way of course!! I can tell she is jealous at times but still happy in a way. My other friend has made her self scarce and so be it..she was always the little one and now I am smaller than her. My hubby is my number one supporter although jealousy is coming through because I get looks...and he isn't used to them. Darling we are here for you and I love you guys... Hugs,

Hey Jenn!! First of all....ditto what Felicia said!! No outsiders here. Just a bunch of people going thru the same things. If you've been reading you know all about the drama I've been dealing with from my in-laws....nuff said!!! Feeling better about it today and don't want to go back to the dumps again. Anyway, even if you don't post often, we always love hearing from you. So, jump in whenever you can!! Remember, it's THEM not YOU with the problem. I'm sorry they are putting you thru so much....but once you realize what's going on you can figure out how you need to deal with it. Susan

I agree with your aunts idea of jealousy. It sounds like what I am going through with my sister. My sister had banding done about 2 years ago, and while she has lost weight she is loosing at a much slower rate and, to me, she seems to have stopped with the excercise and watching what she eats. She was against me having RNY - she really thought I ought to persue the band, and now, as I am quickly catching up to where she is, she never mentions how I look or even asks how I am doing. She lives in Texas, so I know she never seems me in person, but I do send pictures on occasion and give her updates on the phone, but she never really says "good job"...just a "hmmm, ok." My mom was not behind me much at first, she was scared I think. Now she is realizing what a change this surgery made for me.....plus she feels somewhat guilty about how I got in the predicament in the first place (my whole family, except for the one "skinny" brother, is morbidly obese)....she says she never realized that I had ballooned to 328lbs in the first place (no one did, I "carried" it well). Her only request as I continue to shrink and shrink is that I do not become one of those "skinny snobs" who blames every one of her aches and pains on her weight.

I understand what you are saying only the person that is not saying much to me about it is my husband! I think he is the jealous one of the people close to me. Everyone that I work with on a daily bases say how good I am looking. My mom and dad are super proud of me. My mother in law tried to discourage me in having it done. If she calls she never asks how much have I lost or anything. She is a big woman herself and I guess that is where my husband gets it from. I wish my hubby would have the WLS but I am sure in private conversations with his mother she has talked him out of it. My mom is just waiting for me to clean out my closets to see what I will give her...lol Jenn just have the attitude that I have....it doesn't matter what other people thinks. As long as you feel better about yourself that is all that matters. If anyone is jealous then they should find away to fix it no matter how much it cost. Where there is a will there is a way!!! Best wishes to you! Lisa S.