Dave's surgery is TOMORROW!!!

We will get a call later this afternoon telling us what time his surgery is scheduled for. I just can't wait for it to be over with. He acts like it is a walk in the park. I'm nervous for him, but trying not to show it. Since we have been together (12 years now) he has never had any procedures or anything done. I have had my wisdom teeth removed, a scare with a lump on my breast, TWO kids, Carpal tunnel surgery and my WLS. But he has had nothing more than a cold to deal with and pain from being morbidly obese and DJD. I hope he does as well as I did. I am taking my laptop with me to the hospital. I hope to be able to update everyone after the surgeon comes out of the surgery and talks to me. I think I am more nervous about him, than I was about my surgery. I had had anesthesia and had always done ok with it, but I am scared of the unknown with him. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Tabby

Sending best wishes to hubby all the way from Montana!! We will all be thinking of him!!! *huggles* Felicia =0)

Best of luck for your hubby!!! I am sure he will do fine so don't worry your pretty little head to much. He might whine and cry a little more than you did but that is only natural for men....they have a ZERO tolerance for pain. I really want my husband to have the surgery even though I know what I would have to put up with after he would have it done!!! I have told him that the laproscopic would be the way he should go but is chickening out. I know that he would be a much happier person and we would get along much better if he felt better physically and mentally. Our marriage has had a slow decline since we got married almost 6 years ago. There have been times that I just wanted to walk out but I realize how hard it is these days to make it on your own. I know if he would have the surgery we would get back to feeling the way we did before marriage. He takes anti-depressants but it is like they don't work anymore. I know surgery is his answer and I just don't know how to get him to do it Is this something your husband has decided himself to do??? My hubby said he would wait and see how I did before he would decide to do it himself. Now he is against it and don't know why because I have done pretty good. Any advice on what I should do??? I don't want to preach to him like a "reformed fat person" but I know it would probably save our marriage! Lisa S.

Lisa, I can not speak for what Tabby's husband went through but here is my two cents. My husband had his surgery 1st. He had his in June of 06 and of course mine was in Oct of 06. I can only speak from my experience as being the 2nd to go through it after a spouse had. It was 100% my decision to have the surgery. We were just dating when he had his and after got engaged and then married. Once I was on his insurance I had mine. When making the decision to have it it was totally up to me. He loves me no matter what. He reassured me 100% that if I wanted it he would support me and if I did not he would support that decision as well. In our marriage vows we love honor and cherish and to us that meant not only all that we said but unconditional love. I know he loves me no matter what. That is what has kept us strong through this. It just makes me sad to see you having troubles and think that the surgery will solve them. Believe me it will not. We both went through counseling together before my surgery as often it puts stress on a marriage. Totally the opossite of what you are looking at it for. He will not change as a person just becuase he is lighter. It is a wieght change and nothing more. The therapist strongly disccouraged anyone doing it becuase they thought it would fix their marriage. He has seen more marriages fail because of that. My suggestion it to fix things first and then see if HE wants to do it. As you know from going through this if it is not 100% his decision it will not work for him no matter what. Please do not think that surgery is the answer. If and when he decides it is for him then it will work for him...until then you have to just work on what is and not what could be. I wish you the best and I would not pu**** The more you push the further away from it he will go. Best of luck, Melissa

Hope everything has gone well for your husband Tabby!!! I am sure he is doing fine. Hope to hear from you on his update soon. I am so proud of the both of you for doing this big step to live a happier, healthier life together. This is all that I want for me and my husband...is to be happier and healthier. I know I can't twist his arm and make him do it. I was basing my ergencies on him having the surgery because of....1. his job. He works for a power company and they can only weigh a certain amount because of the climbing and going up in the bucket trucks. He has told me about guys that he works with that the boss has come to them and told them that they were getting too heavy for their job and in order to keep their position they would need to lose weight. This is a fear that my husband has and people that he works with have made comments that he really should try to lose some...it is just that it hasn't gotten to the point that the boss has had to say anything yet. He knows plenty of guys at work that have had the WLS on their own so that the company didn't have to ask them to lose. My 2. reason is that when he comes home at night he eats like there is no tomorrow and then goes to sleep....that is not good!!! In the time that we have been together he has gained about 40 lbs. He snores really bad and yes he has a CPAP machine but he snores even when it is on him. I have told him to go and get it recalabrated but of course he doesn't. When he is home he sits at the computer and has no energy for nothing. If I am off from work I would like to get busy (the two of us) and work on stuff around the house or go somewheres. If we go shopping he tires out quickly and then wants to go home. It is like we can't do nothing together. He stays so moody all the time. I was just trying to make him understand that if he lost some weight we could do more together and maybe be a happier couple. Tabby sorry I have invaded your post but I thought since your husband was having the surgery that I would talk about some problems that my husband and I have had with him now deciding he doesn't want to do it. Maybe the only way he will do it now is if the boss tells him that his job is on the line. I don't know but it troubles me that we aren't living a happier life as we planned to. Melissa as for what you posted....thank you for your concerns. Maybe you are right....maybe the WLS for my hubby won't fix our problems. I was going by how I feel now that I have lost 66 lbs. I feel like I have a new lease on life and I would like to share that same feeling with my husband. I know he would be a new person as well. Best wish Tabby and thank you Melissa, Lisa S.

Aw, Lisa, so sorry that you are going through problems with your hubby. I hope that things work out. Hopefully he will come around and WANT the surgery for himself. I NEVER said anything to Dave about having. I told him I wanted to have it and he said "NO...It is too risky" right away before even thinking about it. I hadn't even brought it up before. I was not one of those people that thought about it and thought about it before looking into it. I made the decision the middle of Last February that I wanted to look into it. I asked my PCP the next day at an appt for my daughters one year check up, she gave me a couple of doctors to call and I told Dave that I asked my doctor about it (even though he said NO the day before) and he said if you are going to look into it, look into it for both of us. I called the surgeons the next day and had an appointment within two weeks for both of us to meet with the surgeon and the ball just started rolling from there. We had seen a couple that is close friends of ours go through a lot of marital problems after she had WLS and he pretty much stopped eating to prove you didn't have to have WLS to lose weight. We decided to take the journey together and we have both been very happy with our decision. I was bragging about losing 80 lbs to him a few weeks ago and asked "Aren't you excited for me?" and he said "I'd be more excited if it were me that lost 80 lbs" I said "You will be there in four months. I felt bad pushing him to complete his visits with the PCP and his final bloodwork a couple of months ago. I didn't want him to think *I* was acting like the "reformed fat person". I am sending you huge hugs. Have you met with a counselor about the problems in your marriage? Have you gone to any WLS support groups? I hope you can find help to save your marriage. Hugs, Tabby

Thanks so much for the reply Tabby. So glad your hubby is doing fine. These problems we are having is nothing new. I have been on a down hill slide just about the whole marriage. SOOO many things have happened between us and it has affected our relationship alot. Between my 2 boys from the first marriage and my inlaws it has just about done me in. I thought if he would have the surgery it would give us a new life together. He could change his mind??? I do know one thing...if this marriage doesn't last it will not be because he wouldn't go get the surgery. I love him reguardless his weight, that does not bother me at all same as my weight never bothered him. It was the way I felt all the time that bothered me and I know he is suffering from the same thing that I went threw before surgery. Just plan out not happy with oneself and makes everyone else miserable around you. I just hope that something will happen to turn things around for us. Thanks again for your relpy!!! Keep us posted about your hubby Lisa S.

WISHING HIM THE BEST...WILL KEEP HIM IN MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS!!! TELL HIM THE CALMER HE IS THE BETTER FOR HIM TO COME THROUGH THIS LIKE A BREEZE....HERE IS AN ANGEL TO WATCH OVER HIM.... HANG IN THERE...THE GOOD DAYS ARE JUST AROUND THE CORNER!!! HUGS JUDY

Tabby, Thoughts and prayers going up for your hubby tomorrow....and YOU TOO!!!! Thanks for taking along the lap top so you can update us. I'll be looking for the info! Hugs, Susan

My thoughts and prayers are with your husband and your family. It's going to be so much easier for him since you paved the way. My husband told me last night how glad he is that we are doing this together. Good luck to Dave!