I was insulted....

tonight when my husband called me. We were talking and he told me one of the guys he works with is having a couples baby shower this month. We discussed what to give them...and then he said that as he didn't have to work that day that HE could go to the party. He didn't say anything at all about me going with him. When I asked if it was just the DADS getting together, he said it was couples. I then asked if I was invited. He said, well, yes, but he didn't think I would want to go so he was just planning on going without me!!!!! WHAT THE??????? Okay, deep down I know I've brought this upon myself as I have sent him to many co-worker functions alone as I didn't want to go. But, that has changed since my surgery. I go places. I do things. I LIKE leaving the house and getting together with people. I can't believe he didn't invite me to go with him. Once I pointed it out to him, he said I could go. But, my feelings are hurt that he didn't even ASK. I know part of it is that it's TTOTM and I'm emotional anyway...but still!!!! Sorry. Just had to vent. Susan

I know that it hurt your feelings but unless you spell it out to men they just don't get it. He probably thinks that you still don't want to go out anymore so he assumes and you know what happens then. Don't beat up on yourself or your hubby to much...just sit down and talk to him. Just a small misunderstanding. Hugs,

Thanks Angela. You're right. It's a small misunderstanding....I guess it irked me because for years he tried to get me to go to these things when I didn't want to go. Now that I don't mind going, he doesn't even ask. I think I'm being over sensitive about it all. He's clueless about these things. Bless his heart.... Susan

Aw, Susan...so sorry that you felt insulted by your hubby's actions. Men just don't think the way women do. He probably thought that the reason you didn't want to go to event with his co-workers before was that you didn't like them or felt uncomfortable around them. He probably didn't associate it with your weight, so when another co-worker even came up, he probably assumed that you didn't want to be around those people again. Not thinking you WANT to show off your new look to his co-workers. Men just don't think. You have to spell everything out to them. Hugs, Tabby

Thanks Tabby. You're right about that too. He did mention that he didn't think I'd want to go be around the wives. I am notorious for not wanting to do the wives group thing when the guys are deployed, etc. I guess what got to me was this is a couples thing and he was going to go alone. Ya know? Oh well....he now knows I want to go. I don't think he realized how he hurt me though. And, that hurts even more than him not asking me to go along. I swear....this week every month should be "don't talk to Susan about anything other than the weather week" for my hubby. He's ALWAYS in trouble when it's TTOTM. LOL Susan

Hi Susan, That has happen to me many times because i did the same thing you use to do , but now i have put mi foot down i dont go you dont ether , and thats the whole deal. Lots of love Maria

Thanks for understanding Maria. I think we are going to have the same rule here. Either we both go or we both stay home. Susan

Sooooooooooooo been there... I am a firm believer like you said also that its my fault. I spent 6 years telling him excuse after excuse for not going anywhere and it became habit. Pretty soon it was a shocking thing to have "mom/wife" go anywhere. Dale had just got into the mode of "she doesn't have to lie if I just don't ask her" lol. Which of course really ran home with me last summer when they would just say "bye we are going to..." and not even do the fake dance of asking me to go... My guess is your husband is probably just in the habit of it and just needs you to say "welp that time of my life is over and I would like to go from now on". I am sure he didn't do it to hurt your feelings and why would he? As I tell my son... "take a breath, let it out, now think..." is what you are "seeing into this" really whats actually " being said or done". *big hugs* Felicia

Morning Felicia!!! Thanks for the words and perspective on the situation. I know he didn't do it to hurt my feelings. I think what really got to me was when I told him I did want to go and he still didn't seem to get it that he had hurt me by not even asking. Of course, we were on the phone at the time and he couldn't see my face. If he had, he would've known immediately that something was wrong. Oh well.....hopefully I'll be over this before he gets home tonight. Susan

*hugs* You were on the phone when this happened? LOL girl you are giving your man a LOT of credit for mind reading lol. I say decide to get over it and you will be over it. Its not really worth the tension is it? Just tell him it hurt your feelings. He will say he didn't mean to and give you a big hug and kiss. You can cry your emotional self dry and it will be all over. Like you said if he had seen your face he would have known immediately that he had done or said something wrong and would have fixed it at that moment. *chin up* Actions taken during "that time of the month" are not usually the ones we are most proud of so lol breath first then act. *BIG HUGS* Felicia