Question of the day....

When you chose to have your WLS....what was the reaction of your family members? mother...father....brothers....sisters....children...spouse...etc....? AND did you choose NOT to tell certain family members? Have fun! Holly

Most of the ones that I did tell they were very supportive...esp Husband, mother, mother in law, brother in law, sister in law. There were some that are still uncertain of the surgery and the effects and some have changed since I have tried to answer there questions about this surgery and the lasting effects. I did not tell certain family member on my dad's side of the family since they are very judgemental of things (not just this surgery but if it is not what they feel then you get the cold shoulder). Hubby told one of my cousins that I had the surgery and it was around the family in no time...not sure if they understand it or not and really I do not care as I did not do it for them but me, hubby and my boys, as I want to live life instead of going through the motions of life. Hugs~~ Deanne

The only people we told were my parents because I needed a sitter for J. Other wise we would have told no one. I don't plan on telling anyone either unless I am directly asked. I am not embarrassed for having WLS as it saved my life so who could be but I don't feel its anyones business that I had WLS anymore then if I was doing any other type of diet or life changing plan. Felicia

Hmmm.....well..... Hubby and children were and still are super supportive. My parents were skeptical at first as I started the process 4 years ago and backed out. My Mom just knew I was going to do the same thing again. But, as she saw my committment to the surgery, the changes, etc., she realized it was going to happen. Both of my parents were behind me 100%. They came to TX from TN to take care of my kids while I was in the hospital 3 hours away and then stayed for two more weeks to help take care of me so I didn't have to worry about anything. Love my folks! However, they are the ONLY ones in my family that know I've had the surgery. They told the rest of the family I was having hernia surgery. I haven't seen my family in over 3 years and won't until this summer. By that time I'll be almost at goal and don't plan to tell them anything then, just let them think I've spent 4 years losing weight. They are a judgmental, gossipy group of people. This surgery was for me and my family. I don't need everyone in the county to know what I've been thru. And, believe me, it would spread like wildfire in the small town I'm from. Especially since I only weighed 103 in high school and they were all jealous of me then. They loved it when I gained all my weight - and none of them even saw me at my highest. I think my brother would be supportive of me having the surgery. But, I didn't tell him because I didn't want his wife to know. SHE wouldn't be supportive. She would have lots of snide remarks. And, if she knew, it would be a matter of minutes before the rest of the family knew. I don't think my sister would be supportive. She's done the yo-yo diet thing herself and is actually dealing with a lot of health problems. But, she liked the status quo of being the overweight beautiful one (she really IS beautiful)...and now that I'm going to be the thin one again, I know this will bring out the claws in her. She and I have always had a rocky relationship. So, rather than tell her about it and encourage her (by example) to think about having the surgery, I chose to not say anything at all. Dh told his parents I was having surgery. I was okay with THEM knowing...and maybe his brother and sister....but since he didn't tell them NOT to say anything to everyone, his entire family knows. Most are supportive. At least as supportive as they know how to be. They don't know much about the surgery and didn't bother to educate themselves about it. So, I'm continually explaining why I eat certain foods and why I can't have others. I have to explain EVERY conversation with his mother why it's okay that I'm losing 4 pounds per week and that it IS healthy for me. I guess it could be worse. At least she is concerned. I just wish they would stop asking me how much I weigh and what I started at. That's none of their business. You'd think after me avoiding that question and right out telling them that it's none of their business, they would get the hint and stop asking! My co-workers (when I was working) were super supportive. Of course, I worked in the healthcare field and everyone there knew and understood about the surgery and its benefits. So, it wasn't a problem at all for me to tell them about it. I go back once a month to visit and show them my progress and chat with all my friends. When I finally see my family members and they ask me how I lost the weight, I'm going to say it was thru lifestyle changes and exercise. Technically, it's true. I changed my lifestyle dramatically when I had WLS. And, I do exercise! I plan on being so busy visiting with everyone and making the rounds at our 4th of July picnic hopefully no one will notice that I am "barely" eating. Wish me luck!! Wow....sorry this turned into a novel.... Susan

My family was very nervous. My sister had the lap-band and did very well. When I started the investigational process they assumed I was looking to do the same thing. They were a bit shocked when I realized I was thinking of gastric bypass. My brother took it the hardest. He, as an EMT had seen several instances of people VERY sick following the procedure, and knowing full well that I have had kidney issues in the past he felt like I would be in certain kidney failure in no time. He ended up begging and pleading with me, going as far as to talk to my parents etc. I made them all happy by having a throrough kidney exam and approval of a nephrologist prior to surgery. As soon as that came through - they were all behind me so to speak. The Boy (my fiance) on the other hand was totally supportive of me from day one. He was with me during the informational session and for some of my supervised weightloss visits. I took my mother with me to my 2nd consult because I really wanted her to be able to ask questions about the whole thing and to see that it was a good thing. I really did not keep anything back from my family. Now co-workers, I did share with those I work directly with - but my boss and others that do not work in the office with me on a daily baisis, I did not tell them, because I didn't think they would understand.

Thank heavens my family was very supportive of my decision to have this surgery. By the time I decided to say anything I was well informed of the proccess and was able to answer any questions they had. To this day they all are so helpful and encouraging to me. My youngest daugher Jessi is married and lives in Virginia. Whether it was her being away or what it was, she was having a tough time with this. Only later did I find out that after I told her I had a surgery date, she spent nights crying, she was so worried. When I did find out how upset she was we had a really good talk and explained things to her better. She did have to come home the weekend before my surgery to see me and spend time with me. Then she was home for my surgery and was so supportive. It was a couple days after my birthday that my surgery was and she bought me a new scale, a big jug of protein powder, crystal lights, jello, Gator aid and a jounal to write in. Now that is support....... My girls and hubby got me a treadmill for that birthday. So I am so blessed to have so much love and support in my life. My one sister in law was leary of the surgery and my neighbor was totally against it. She knows people that she works with that have had a tough time with it and even have died and she did not want to see me go through that. Even though she has seen my health and capabilities decline over the years. I am so glad to be showing her how well I am doing and how this has been a blessing from God. I feel so bad for those that do not have the support and understanding from family and friends. I guess that is why these boards are so needed, so we can all support each other. Love to all......Gay

My immediate family is so super supportive. My DH, my MOM, my sis and my kids. Outside of that I have not told many as I have heard them say different negative comments regarding WLS. I have one friend who is a model and recently lost a job because her BMI is way too low! My MIL would never be told. She knows that I am strictly watching my portions and that I have started walking. She was talking about how Carnie Wilson is such a loser for having the surgery and gaining "all" her weight back ( I think Carnie made it back up to 180 or 190 no where near where she started). The MIL also said that people who have had that surgery are people who don't care about themselves or their families. Thus : I will never tell the MIL the real story!!! We all know that having this surgery is about the least selfish thing we could do! We are willing to risk life and limb to be with our families and that it is a last resort (not a beginning point). I am not sure if my hubby was adopted or not (hehe) because he is the direct opposite of the MIL. He is caring and understanding and I want to give him a shout out (like Ellen does on TV) Holla! LOL Good question and have a great day! Tara

I was hesitant to tell my family. To my surprise, my brother was and has been my greatest supporter in my family. My mother was the usual "Are you sure you can't do this by dieting?". My sisters really didn't offer much dialog at all. I still feel as if my mother isn't gung ho about this. I get the "When are you going to stop? Aren't you think enough stuff?" This is from a woman who was underweight mmost of her adult years... at least til about 40. My sisters do encourage me. My brother is still my best cheer leader. Aime

I made my decision with my husband. I had been thinking about it, but really started thinking alot about it when he mentioned it. I spoke with a friend who had it done 3 years ago and since my husband is retiring from the Air Force in March she encouraged me to have it done before he retired. I did tell a few friends, but not to many (just close ones) and only the ones I knew who would be supportive. I didn't tell the rest of my family because none of them live close by and my mom has heart problems so I didn't want her to worry. I didn't tell her until almost 2 months later and I could tell by her tone over the phone she wasn't sure how she felt about it, but once she saw me she knew I had made the right choice. I have 3 sisters and my mom is the one that told her and 2 are really jealous of how well I am doing (but that is nothing new because it has been that way all my life). My other sister's husband the first thing he said when he saw me was that I look great and told my sister maybe she should look into having it done. I wanted to tell him "Step back and take a look at yourself. Maybe you should consider having it done.) You have to understand no matter how hard my sister tries to loose weight he always puts her down so that just burned me up. I didn't even tell my closest friend because her cousin who had it done and had a very bad experience and I knew she would be worried so I waited until about a week after surgery to tell her. She still worries about me do to her cousin's experience with it, but in the end she told me I will worry, but I support your decision no matter what you decide. Now I'm happy to tell people and I have been able to answer alot of peoples questions because they do know I have it done. There are alot of misconceptions out there by people that it is a quick and easy fix. All you do is eat less and I have had the opportunity to educate people who are considering having WLS that it isn't as simple as eating less. I tell anyone considering WLS and their family that it isn't as simple of just eating less it is a lifestyle change and if your not mentally prepared for this surgery before you have it done you could have problems. I tell them to research WLS first and really look at the difference they will have to make in their diet. I ask are you willing to give up Sweets and food high in fat? Teresa

Hi holly, I never had a problem w/ telling people. The response I received and support was and continues to be fantastic. I can't tell you how thrilled my family was when I told them. The only problem was my mom, not because she didn't want me to have this surgery but because she was planing on going to the hosp. W/ me and be there for me during recovery. Unfortunetely she was diagnosed w/ stage 3 lung cancer just days before my scheduled surgery date. All of my co-workers, from my sister nurses to my director of nursing to the doctors I work w/ have been unbelieveable. I can't thank them enough for their encouragment and support. But most of all I thank my family for their support but more important I thank them for their love. Donna, sfy