Question for married and long time relationship holders...

I am facing a big change in my life right now as many of us have...more energy!! What to do with it...I love to !! It is a great exercise and so much fun!! Well now to the dilema (sp)..my husband does not like to dance or go to bars which is where we all go to dance. We go to the same place every other Friday night and it laid back and just fun. This something I don't want to give up because it has helped me tremendously and actually my husband has never said I had to but he doesn't go with me and if he does you can tell he is bored. He doesn't dance at all maybe a slow dance but that is about it. There is alot of things I find myself doing with out him now because I have missed out on so much that now I have the energy and want to do. He just doesn't care to do them. Now..I will do things he likes to do all the time with out saying a word because I love to be with him, he is my best friend but it is not like that in reverse. I don't want to not do things I like and love or want to experience..has anyone experience this yet or have any suggestions?

Angela, You have to continue to or start doing what makes YOU happy. If you bend for him then he should do the same for you. Marriage is a compromise. You have to give a little to get a little. If you seem like you're the only one giving then maybe you both need to talk about this. He hasn't had the sugery. He doesn't understand. It's not his fault that he stayed on one level with life while you elevated yourself. You had this surgery to change and improve the quality of your life. If he truly loves you then he will make changes also. But don't forget men only see things as black or white and this seems to be a grey area. He may not even think there's a problem. You should definitely communicate your concerns and see what comes of it. All of us know how humdrum our lives were before this surgery so we all can sympathize. Use that evergy, go ing and have fun!!!! Who knows maybe he just needs to be told how important this is to you so he can change. If you want to talk I am here for you! Allison P.S. Maybe he doesn't like to dance because he doesn't know how? Perhaps you can give him a "private" lesson to spark his interest!!

Are you asking if we think its ok you go to the bar with out your husband? or am I just not getting what you are asking here. You said yourself that he never said you couldn't go with out him sooooo, umm, go? I cant relate so not sure if I have any advice. I wouldn't go to a bar with out hubby in the first place and secondly wouldn't have fun with out him either lol so would be a waste of time for me to go... Ok so that and its not my type of fun anyways lol In my 20's and "looking" maybe but not anymore.. I cant think of anything I want to do that I have missed out on that we cant do together so again I guess I don't relate. But thats me. I say if you want to go with out him and he has not said you cant (which I am guessing you haven't asked him?) then you should go and have fun! *huggles* Felicia =)

I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea..I love my husband very much and would never cheat..never ever! I do like to go dancing with my peeps ! Contrary to some peoples beliefs that people go to bars to pick up people although that does happen don't get me wrong, but there are quite a few that don't have interest in anything like that. I just happen to be one of them. He trust me and I trust him..it just bothers me, I would say more than it bothers him that he doesn't go with me. I love to have him around, I love his company! I know a marriage is a give and take and a compromise on all parts, I guess if it becomes a huge problem then I will cross that bridge when I come to. I just don't want to miss out on life any further. Thanks guys for listening...luv ya.

By the way, I went dancing this weekend. I attended a WL coference in Richmond, Va. They had a dance at the conference for all of us, but then we all got together and went out dancing. I had so much fun. I havne't just gotten up and danced by myself in eons. Actually, probably never. It didn't matter. We were all there dacning together - alone- as a group.. just dancing and having fun. I was also with my "boyfriend" at this event. It was so nice to just dance. He went and danced with other people. I danced with other people. WE danced together. We all need to laugh and in this life. Aime

My ex-husband was very much like that. He nevr went out with me at all. I think he danced with me once- after the music at the wedding stopped. Go!!! Do not deny yourself one bit. Just because a person marries does not mean they have to lose the person they are. Keep doing those things that you want to keep doing. There is no guilt. I wish I had been aware of all this myself. I did lose myself during my marriage. I have been divorced now for 15 years. I am just now rediscovering who I am and was. Your husband fell in love with the person you were.... he should have no problems with you continuing to be that person. Aime

Thank you Aime..I definetly don't want to loose myself again. I also was married before to a very abusive man physically and mentally and totally lost who I was. I found it when i got divorced and want to hold on to that. I did stop dancing when I met my hubby because he didn't care to so I guess maybe that is my fault but I also gained weight and didn't want to get out there. Now I feel good and have tons of fun with my friends. Dancing makes you feel good. Glad to hear you had a great time at the conference. Hugs