Empowered!
One of the most frustrating things about dealing with a weight problem has been the lack of control in this area of my life, when in most other areas, I have felt strong and on top of things. Sure, it's an old problem...one that goes to the very core of who I am...but, hell, if I can move on from a broken heart, from a rape, from losing a brother, from myriad other b.s. that has haunted my life at one time or another, why not from this???
When I first began to look into WLS, I felt like a failure. How could I fail at the weight game, even after being diagnosed with diabetes?? With diabetes, I lived in fear - not so much of dying, which I assumed would happen much sooner than I'd expected, but of living with the eventual complications of the disease. I began to consider by what means I would end my life when they finally told me I was going to lose my vision or my legs.
I began to diet at around 3-4, when my crazy mother made me her diet buddy, and I spent the rest of my life binging and starving. I developed a weight problem in short time after beginning on this cycle. When I was around 6th grade, she gave me her blood pressure pills to take as diet pills. Sure, they made me feel sick and dizzy, but they got me some approval from her, some attention from her...and that's what I was really starving for, after all. My weight flucuated a lot, but I was active enough to keep a handle on it until I got hit with sciatica about ten years ago.
WLS was not the final hope of a failure. That was such wrong thinking. I had a problem that needed a solution and I pursued it with all I had. That took strength! Facing every obstacle along the way to surgery. Dealing with the pains and frustrations since. Not the actions of a failure.
When I see my blood sugar measure in the 90s without my having to medicate, I am empowered. Diabetes, that filthy monster that took my brother, is not getting me; I am beating it bloody! No more tingling in my hands and feet. My vision has even improved. I cry as I write this. These are tears of victory.
People around me think it's so hard for me to watch others eat and not be able to join them. It's not. When I am eating out, I look around at other people gorging themselves - polishing off the bread, the soup, the salad, the main course, piled high on their plates with meat and potatoes, the cake afterwards - I am empowered. I eat the right way - a little soup OR an egg OR a few bites of a sandwich (leaving the bread behind!) - and that does me just fine. I feel good about myself. I've actually become horrified watching what other people put into their bodies!
When I push myself to go out and walk, rain or shine...when I get to the gym instead of watching tv...I am empowered. Sure, I'm not that woman doing an hour on the treadmill or standing on one toe bent at a 45 degree angle while lifting weights...so what?? I am there and I am working it and I feel good!
I feel empowered to tackle other issues as well. Even my new determination to clear out clutter comes from the empowerment I have gained since surgery. My attachment to those things that I now realize have been a security blanket is dwindling, faster than I would have thought possible. My finances are starting to improve. My writing is going to become my career. I'm going to have closer friendships. Ya know what? I'm even going to fall in love again. How about that?
I am a powerful woman and nothing feels better than that.
Lisa
Wow! This journey has inspired and empowered you and that is just what your words did for me this morning. You are such an awesome person and I am so glad that we all have had the opportunity to get to know you and we look forward to getting to know you even better.
What an inspiring message, thank you thank you thank you!
Hugs,
Melissa
Lisa 
I have had a terrible day and I need that!! Thank you!!! Well said- 
for us all!
Aime 
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