I have to vent!!!

I need to vent ladies!! I have held this in to long. I hated this Christmas..why? Well, I lost my mother 2 years ago, to make a long story short, my father remarried last October. I have tried with this lady to the point of letting her do my hair. Every year I have Christmas Eve dinner and it is for my dad and brother and my friends of 25 years come over, well my dad assumed that since I have had the surgey that I wouldn't want to do the dinner. I told him the week before I was going to do it and it would be snacky foods. Well his wife goes to her family at 4 pm so I agreed to have it at noon so they could come and I even talked to her when she did my hair. Well, my dad shows up at 9 am on Christmas Eve gives out socks to my boys and husband, opens his gift and takes their gifts with him and left a total of 30 minutes. My brother shows up at the right time and we have our dinner but he understood that everyone was to be there and he couldn't believe it then my father show up at his house Christmas morning at 6:30 am to see my brother and his kids and he said he spent maybe a hour. So I am very upset about this...this has never happened and would have never happened if mom was here. I have tried to deal with his wife and I just can't no longer. This almost happened last year but I threw a hissy and they showed up. My dad talks about how unhappy he is at times and honestly I wish he would leave her. Isn't that awful of me. There is so much other things that have happened and I will be the first to say that I didn't not try at the beginning but I have beyond tried. I don't know what to do now. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let people do things like this to me anymore but yet I have no idea how to handle this. Then on top of it all we go to my DH parent's house and his mother and his neice have words then my husband not letting his mother be talked to like she was talking to her jumped in the middle then his brother and him were at it...so now he is in the oust with his neice and brother. The sad thing is his mother cried on Christmas and I hated that but then I cried on Christmas Eve. I have stated that I don't want to be here next year but then I feel bad because I am all my brother has right now. Which by the way if anyone is single out there and you need a good guy let me know. Anywho...I am so upset and what do I do. Thanks for letting me vent! Angela

Angela, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what is going through your fathers mind, or his wifes. I'll be thinking of you and praying that the New Year will bring positive changes to all aspects of your life! I'm so glad that you feel safe enough to vent with us! -Patti

Angela, I really do not have any words of advise but encouragement for you. You need to let your father know what he did and how that made you feel. He is the only one that can change himself and this late in the game who knows if he is going to want to change but that would be up to him. I would completely understand not wanting to be around but then would it be annual trip around Christmas, I think that this would be just a temporary fix to the problem and getting down to the bottom of it now would help with the new year approaching. I am glad that you came here to vent with us as I am sure you will get some better advise than mine but that is my little 2cents worth right now. I will be thinking of you!! Hugs to you~ Deanne

WOW do I have no advice for you. I have the opposite problem lol. This was actually the first Christmas with just the 3 of us and it was wonderful. I would tell him how you feel. *hugs* Felicia

I am there with you.....except it sounds like my mother-in-law. She is famous for acting that way. My hubby has finalyl told her how he feels and things are starting to get better. My only advice would be to let him know how you feel. Let him know he hurt you with his behavior. I am not sure how comfortable you feel with her bt you might tell her as well. I finally have drawn the line with my mother-in-law and told her how I feel as well. I refuse to put up with her attitude any longer. I really hope things go well for you. It sounds like you have a great group of friends though and you can just be thankful for that. I wish you the best. Melissa

I'm so sorry you had to go thru that Angela. I have no words of advice for you. Just know I care. Susan

Angela, your father is a grown man and now, unfortuantely for you, he has additional family members. You will save yourself a lot of heartache if you will just let your father find his way. If he decides to not follow your schedule, so what? Just be there for him and keep the doors open. If his new wife is not for him, let him find out. This is where you have to butt out. I know that sounds harsh, but if when you were a newly wed, your father had came to you and tried to get you to leave your new husband what would you have done? Same, same. Just be nice and play fair and let your father have the wife that he, at this time, seems to want.

Ah Jeannie, you put it so tactful! i wish i had your way with words!!

Jeannie well put. I have stepped back even when he comes to me complaining how unhappy he is and he will probably move out any day. I hear this about every other month. I have let him live his own life just like he has let me but I am tired of always being the one with the feelings hurt. It is getting very old. You know tired of beign the rug everyone wipes their feet on. What makes matters worse to a point is we all work together... Honestly I will more than likely never say a word and let it go. Angela