The other way around...(long)

I've been reading and sympathizing with the people who have posted about the negativity that comes from the people who are suppose to love us the most. Most have talked about sisters and mothers. What does one do when it's the other way around. In my case, it's my daughter. I know this will be hard to believe but she is always trying to control me....always being negative about what I want to accomplish....decided that she was mad at me and wasn't going to talk to me anymore while I was recovering from chemotherapy during my bout with colon cancer....uses my grandchildren as weapons and has decided I can't see them....One instance of her sabotage is that when I was going to beauty school to be a licensed cosmetologist in Chicago, I asked her to be my model the day of testing. At the last minute she said she didn't want to go...Thank goodness I had a friend at school that stepped in and agreed to be my model...I graduated in spite of my daughter. Her behavior goes back a long time and even as she is getting older it remains the same. She has always seemed to be in competition with me and has appeared to be jealous of any thing good I accomplish or things I work for and get. After going through the cancer, my husband, knowing that I always wanted a new house decided we should get one. I told my daughter about it cause I was so happy and she did nothing but put it down... This has been the biggest disappointment of my life and I no longer can deal with it. I have decided to let go and let G-d. I miss my grandchildren desperately but they are her children and I have no control over the decisions she has made. So, I hope that someday, when they are older, they will seek me out. If I write or send gifts, my daughter does not give it to the kids so they don't even know that I want to see them and miss them so much. Anyway, I could go on and on. Sorry for the vent and the length of this post. I've been especially upset this weekend because it was my granddaughter's birthday last week and I know my daughter did'nt give her the gift and card I sent. I'm so angry and can't get it out because she won't talk to me. Thanks for "listening." There is nothing I can do about this but accept it and hope that someday, someway I'll get to see my grandchildren. The worst part is that she is my only child and they will be my only grandchildren. It's so sad. Some wisdom...don't put all your eggs in one basket. It's sad that it took me so long to learn that. Fran

Wow, I'm so sorry to read that you are going through all this. Sounds so much like what my sister did to my mother too. All I can tell you is what I tell everyone else about my sister, when someone behaves the way she has, you have to feel sorry for that person because they are so unhappy in their own lives that they will never learn to love themselves and stop hurting other's. Let's hope she stops before it's too late. Hugs, VI

Hi Vi, I know you're right but it's hard to feel sorry for her when she is causing me so much pain. I'm just not there yet. If she called me tomorrow, I would be kind to her but the trust is gone on my part. I would not do anything to hurt her because I'm a great believer that when you hurt others it will come back to you. I've accepted that our relationship will never be close or trusting because she does this stuff out of the blue with no warning and won't even talk to me. I know that if I die before she has made this right, she will live with the guilt for the rest of her life. Or, maybe she just won't have any guilt. For the life of me, I just can't figure her out and gave up trying a long time ago. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read my post and I know that I'll feel better going back to work and activities that will take my mind off of it. Life can be tough sometimes and family members can be cruel but we keep going on, hoping for a better tomorrow. You're a doll, thanks again. Fran

Fran...You know...be happy and let it go...there loss..for sure...and your daughter is really something else...there is no greater gift then a grandparents love and learning....so hopefully one day she will come around, if not so be it...like I told VI...family is like a war zone...move out of it..blessings and know you have your October family...we are the best.... Dennis

Dennis, You're right, we are the best! Thank you for your words of support. You'll never know how much better it makes me feel. I really need to focus on this wonderful adventure I'm going through and learn to live and enjoy my successes instead of focusing on the negatives I have in my life. It's so wonderful to have support here and know that we care about each other and understand what each is going through. Thanks again. Fran

Fran, I'm so sorry for this situation and most sorry that your grandchildren are deprived of your attention. How sad that she is doing this to her own children. I hope she comes to her senses, but I think your grandchildren will want to get to know you when the time comes. I know a situation very much like this and sure enough, the grandchildren, now adults, are reaching out to know their grandmother and it has been a sweet family reunion. (the mother in this case never changed ). So sad when life is so short and your grandchildren need all the love and support they can get from their family..

Ginakay, Thanks for the kind words. From your mouth to G-d's ears. My hope is that someday the kids contact me so we can have a relationship. You know, when she first did this I know that my granddaughter was very upset and wanted to see me. She did love me. I felt such anger that my daughter hurt her....actually more anger for her than for myself. It's beyond me how she can do this to her own children. Maybe when she matures and gets older she will realize what she has done and realize how much hurt she has caused. But, your words have helped me to feel better. For right now I need to focus on this wonderful adventure and the success I'm having with this. I appreciate your kind words and know that you have helped me get through another day without crying. Hugs, Fran