Need Some Help

Well not sure were to start, I am very depressed . My marriage was rocky before but not it is worse. I dont know what to do. My husband is always online and talking to other woman. He says they are just friends. but now strange woman call on the phone and talk to him. I dont have anyone to talk to I am all alone in this, both the weight loss and my life. I guess I thought losing all this weight would give me some strength and get out of this marriage I am so scared.. I feel like well lets just say I am very depressed. Sure could use some ppl to talk to.. Sorry about all this I just needed to tell someone..And I think of all of u as friends... Sandy

Hi Sandy~ I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time in your marriage. It's hard enough to get through the day to day struggles that come with WLS without having to deal with this too. I really think you need to open up to your husband and tell him how this behavior makes you feel. If you feel disrespected tell him so. Find out from him why he feels the need to chat with these girls all the time. It could be something as simple as he just enjoys the ego boast he gets when strange women flirt with him and make him feel sexy and he has no intention to take it any further. Although the phone calls would suggest that there's more to it than that. Or it could be that he's feeling insecure or unfulfilled in your marriage. The fact that you're losing weight and becoming more attractive to other men has not escaped him. He doesn't seem to be trying to keep it a secret so maybe he's trying to tell you something. Because he's not trying to keep it a secret I don't think it's gone further than what you already know about. Just be aware that internet chat can be very addictive so he may need to take a serious look at what he's doing and why? If he thinks he has a problem Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous has a questionnaire on their website that may help. http://www.slaafws.org/ The site also gives a phone number for local meetings in most areas. More than likely there's nothing to worry about but you'll never know until you talk to him. Take Care, DJ

I would not put up with other women calling my house for my husband. Don't be a doormat to him. Your weight loss may give you some confidence to feel like you don't need him anymore, but it's not going to do the work for you. I'm not telling you to leave your marriage, it takes work. But, you don't have to let him treat you bad. Please do something for yourself. Build up your self worth. Don't let him, or your marriage, or your weight determine how you feel about you. I hope you figure out what to do soon. Take Care! Marcia

Hi Sandy, I'm in the process of going through a divorce right now (my choice, not his) for many reasons so I can relate to a lot of what you are feeling and going through right now. I'm at work right now, so I'm keeping this brief, but if you want someone to talk to, please feel free to email me: [email protected] -- I'll write to you when I get home tonight. Hang in there, this surgery was a new beginning for you and even though the other cir****tances in your life might be making things harder for you right now, I really believe that everything happens for a reason and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. HUGS, Vi www.sitekreator.com/ShrinkingViolet

Dear Sandy, Thank you for sharing your difficulty with us, and thinking enough of this group to open yourself to us. You are not alone at all. It is depressing to go through the things you're going through and I'm not going to try to make you look at it through rose-colored glasses. What I am going to tell you is that you have friends here that you can talk to. Talking helps. We're here for you. Say what you need to say. Perhaps you'll be able to figure out what your next step should be if you have people to talk to who will just let you speak your mind. You are not alone at all. I'm at work right now, but I'm here and wanting you to know that I care about you. You are in a situation that is not healthy for you, Sandy. Perhaps we can figure out a way for you to begin living a healthy life without the stress of the nonsense your spouse is putting on you right now. Cheryl

I understand totally how you feel. I have often felt alone in this world. Please feel free to email me if you need to talk. Have you told your husband how much it hurts you when he talks to other women? If he knows that it's hurtful to you and still does it you really have to search your soul to decide what you want to do about it. It's very hard and especially so when you don't have a real good support system. I hope things get better for you and please don't hesitate to email me if you feel the need. Hugs, Fran

THANK YOU ALL!!! It is nice to know that there are people out there and acturally care about me. These days I was tuly wondering that.. Again thank you all for the posative replys .. Hugss Sandy

MS SANDY ... BEEN THERE, DONE THAT ... WON'T EVER ALLOW IT TO OCCUR AGAIN. MS VI KNOWS ME BEST. I SAY THAT BECAUSE I AM BLUNT WHEN THE STAKES ARE HIGH & SOME MAY TAKE THAT AS BEING MEAN, BUT IT IS MY PASSION FOR OTHERS TO BE TREATED RIGHT THAT IS COMING THROUGH & NOTHING ELSE. NO DISRESPECT INTENDED. MS VI'S HUSBAND PULLED SOME GARBAGE ON HER THAT HAD HER WONDERING IF SHE SHOULD SACRIFICE HER CHANCE AT WLS & A HEALTHY LIFE BECAUSE OF THE FINANCIAL STRAIN HE CAUSED. I WAS LIVID ... NOT AT HER, BUT BECAUSE HE WAS SETTING HER UP TO STAY "IN THE BOX" SHE HAD BEEN LIVING IN, MUCH TO HER OWN DETRIMENT. I GAVE HER A LOVING "KICK IN THE PANTS" &, THANK GOD SHE CAME TO HER SENSES & PUT HER HEALTH & HER BOYS 1st. NO ONE WILL RESPECT YOU UNTIL YOU RESPECT YOURSELF. HE CAN'T TREAT YOU THIS WAY UNLESS YOU ALLOW IT. THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE (I SPEAK FROM 30 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE - LIKE, IT DIDN'T TAKE ME TOOOOOO LONG TO WISE UP! YEAH RIGHT!) IT IS REDICULOUS TO THINK THAT HE DOESN'T KNOW HE IS HURTING YOU; HE KNOWS, DOESN'T CARE & IS DOING IT IN YOUR FACE SO YOU KNOW HE'S BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO YOU. HE KNOWS HE HAS YOU AT A POINT WHEN YOU ARE STRETCHED TO THE MAX. HE'S COUNTING ON YOUR KINDNESS & (I SEE YOU HAVE 2 YOUNG CHILDREN) ON YOUR INSTINCTS TO "KEEP THE FAMILY TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS" TO MESS AROUND ONLINE WITHOUT ANY REPERCUSIONS FROM YOU. IF HE'S ALREADY GETTING PHONE CALLS, JUMPING IN BED WITH THEM IS NOT FAR OFF. IT'S HUMAN NATURE ... GET AWAY WITH A LITTLE ... TRY TO GET AWAY WITH MORE ... UNTIL THERE ARE NO BOUNDARIES ANY MORE. THE NEXT TIME HE GETS ON THE COMPUTER & IS CHATTING WITH ALL THESE LADIES, VIOLENTLY YANK THE CORD OUT OF THE WALL & TELL HIM, "NOOOOOOOOOOO MOREEEEEEEEEE". IF HE CONTINUES, TAKE THE COMPUTER & THROW IT OUT IN THE YARD MAKING SURE IT BREAKS INTO A BAZILLION PIECES. OH MY GOSH - DAWN'S LOST HER MIND! THAT COMPUTER COST $1,500.00; I CAN'T DESTROY IT. OH YEAH, WHAT'S YOUR RESPECT WORTH? IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING, YOUR MARRIAGE IS DEAD IN THE WATER ... OR, YOU WILL LIVE ACCEPTING INFIDELITY FROM YOUR HUSBAND. SO, DO SOMETHING DRASTIC. IF HE STILL REFUSES TO LIVE WITHIN THE BOUNDS OF A LOVING MARRIAGE, KICK HIS UNFAITHFUL BACKSIDE OUT ... PACK HIS STUFF UP & LEAVE THEM IN THE DRIVEWAY. CHANGE THE LOCKS IN THE HOUSE & GET AN ATTORNEY. DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO LEARN HOW TO BE MEN BY WATCHING THEIR FATHER DISRESPECT YOU & MESS AROUND WITH OTHER WOMEN? DO YOU WANT TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR & "SEE" YOURSELF THROUGH HIS EYES? YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT! LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO FIGHT FOR YOUR DIGNITY. YOU ARE WORTH LOVE & RESPECT & FAITHFULNESS. DON'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS FROM ANYONE. IF HE WISES UP, GREAT ... YOU 2 CAN BEGIN WORKING ON YOUR MARRIAGE. IF NOT, YOU ARE MORE THAN STRONG ENOUGH TO FACE THIS WORLD SINGLE LIKE A MILLION OTHER WOMEN DO EVERY DAY. THE WORST PART IS MAKING THE DECISION THAT YOU "WON'T TAKE IT ANY MORE". AFTER THAT, IT GETS BETTER & BETTER ... & THEN, WHEN YOU HAVE REGAINED YOUR BALANCE, I'M TELLING YOU THAT THE GOOD LORD WILL BRING SOMEONE INTO YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WILL JUST ADORE & WHO WILL ADORE YOU AS WELL. LIKE I SAID, BEEN THERE ... DONE THAT ... &, NOW I HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL, LOVING, RESPECTFUL HUSBAND IN THE WORLD. WHY I WAITED SO LONG, I CAN'T TELL YOU ... BUT, I WASTED 30 YEARS OF MY LIFE WISHING & HOPING & PRAYING & BEGGING & TRYING & CRYING & COMPROMISING, & SACRIFICING ... HIS "MISTRESS" WAS ALCOHOL ... BUT, NO DIFFERENT THAN ONLINE SEX ... IT'S STILL A MISTRESS THAT YOU CAN'T & SHOULDN'T COMPETE WITH. I SEND YOU MY LOVE & STRENGTH & SUPPORT ... YOU HAVE TO DO THE HARD WORK. GOD BLESS DAWN & NICK