In serious need of advice...

As a lot of you know, my surgery wasn't done on Monday like it was supposed to be -- yesterday I had CT scans and Wednesday I should find out if everything is OK and I can go ahead and have my surgery. Well my husband just called a little while ago to tell me he is being FIRED from his job on Monday. He and I have had a rocky marriage for a couple of years now and I was hanging on a little longer (and he knew that) so that I could have my surgery. Now I don't know what to do. If everything is ok, do I go ahead and have the surgery (if I'm cleared that is), knowing that he is not going to be able to pull his weight financially? Between his unemployment and my disability, we'll barely be able to cover the mortgage and groceries. I'm scared to death of what will happen with the other bills and what if I can't get back to work right away? Would it be selfish of me to go ahead and have this surgery knowing that I could be putting my family's financial well being at risk?? I have 2 boys and they are my primary concern (not the hubby). I really need to keep a clear head right now. I know that there are people out there much worse off than me and I know in my heart that everything will be OK, I just have to search my heart for a solution.

Violet - I was very sorry to see all the stress you're under right now. I know from experience, money can always raise your blood pressure! I was reading your post and I just wanted to encourage you in some way, if I could. I was wondering, if you didn't know about your husband getting fired until after the surgery, would you regret it? Probably not, because you'd figure a way to deal with it. The thing about bills is they'll aways be there (UNFORTUNATELY) and a month or two of being tight will just be an inconvenience, not a catastrophe. Assume the best, you'll get a job soon because you'll feel great and who knows, maybe your husband will find work soon, too! In the mean time, make payment arrangements, don't stress as it messes with your health and you need to stay as upbeat and positive as you can for a speedy recovery. I know "it's easier said than done" but believe me, God doesn't put you through it to go it alone...Let Go and Let God. He has a plan and wants to help you, just let him. I hope you don't think I'm presumptuous and I don't mean to be preachy but just from the experience of life, I've learned that money problems are really a faith issue. They can be a problem or an opportunity. Please remember that this too shall pass and try to keep the stress as low as you can, for your sake and your boys. It helps all the way around. (I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds. I can just relate to you so much and feel so bad and wish I could give you a million dollars right now!) Good Luck, God Bless and I hope you get through this and that your tests come back good and that soon you'll be on the "other" side of loosing. My prayers are with you for peace of mind...Nancy

Nancy, thank you so much for your postl. I didn't think you were being presumptious at all. I think you were right on about everything you said. And by the way, I still have my job and (thank God) it's a very secure job -- I work for my medical insurance company. They have been treating me so good and have been very understanding about the delay in my surgery and the additional time I'll need to take off. My concern was that I'll have to take some time off without pay (well I'll get NYS disability @$170 a week) and now that he is losing his job that would be a big strain, but you are so right, if I had done the surgery this past Monday like I was supposed to, we would have found a way to get by. This is just another challenge for me and I have to follow the course and get through it. Thank you for your insight and your help. Hugs, Vi

YOU KNOW ME, MS VIOLET. I DON'T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH & I'M NOT GOING TO START NOW. I'M GOING TO (LOVINGLY) KICK YOU IN THE REAR! I'M GOING TO START WITH THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ... YOUR WAKE-UP CALLS FROM GOD REGARDING STRENGTHENING YOUR FAITH AS YOU WROTE ABOUT IN YOUR JOURNAL. EITHER YOU HAVE FAITH OR YOU DON'T - THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND ON THAT ONE. IF YOU SECOND GUESS YOURSELF/YOUR DECISIONS TO FOLLOW THE PATH GOD HAS LED YOU TO ... YOU DON'T HAVE FAITH. IF YOU LOOK FOR EXCUSES & REASONS NOT TO WALK THROUGH THE DOOR GOD HAS OPENED, YOU DON'T HAVE FAITH. PERIOD. ARE YOU GONNA JUST GIVE GOD "LIP SERVICE" & "TALK THE TALK" ... OR ARE YOU GONNA GLORIFY GOD & "WALK THE WALK"? GOD DIDN'T CLOSE THE DOOR ON YOUR WLS, SO WHY ARE YOU EVEN WASTING TIME QUESTIONING THE SITUATION? YOU'RE OPENING THE DOOR FOR SATAN TO PLAY WITH YOUR MIND & WEAKEN YOUR DETERMINATION. YOU HAVE A JOB ... YOU HAVE INSURANCE ... YOU HAVE TIME OFF ... NOTHING HAS CHANGED AT ALL! QUIT TRYING TO FIX SOMETHING THAT "AIN'T" BROKEN. DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR YOU & YOUR BOYS & THEN SAY THAT YOU CAN'T DO IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE FINANCIAL PROBLEMS IN OTHER AREAS OF YOUR LIFE. WHO DOESN'T? BIG DEAL! SO WHAT? YOU WANT A REAL PROBLEM TO PONDER? WHAT WILL YOUR BOYS HAVE TO DO & HAVE TO GO THROUGH WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE WLS & YOU DROP DEAD OF AN OBESITY-RELATED CO-MORB. NOW, THAT'S A PROBLEM YOU NEED TO PUT TIME INTO THINKING ABOUT. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER WASTE ONE ITTSY BITTSY MOMENT WORRYING ABOUT ANY FINANCIAL DISASTER, STRESS, PROBLEM OR SITUATION. MONEY IS TO BE MANAGED; IT IS NOT HAVE THE POWER TO RUN YOUR LIFE. THERE IS ALWAYS AN ANSWER TO MONEY PROBLEMS; THEY CAN ALWAYS BE WORKED OUT. IT MAY BE TOUGH, UNPLEASANT, DOWNRIGHT DEPRESSING, BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE ONE BIT OF DIFFERENCE IN THE OVERALL IMPORTANCE OF LIFE BECAUSE YOU HAVE MONEY PROBLEMS. YOU WANT REAL PROBLEMS TO SOLVE? WATCH A MOTHER HOLD HER INFANT IN HER ARMS AS IT STRUGGLES FOR EVERY BREATH. SEE THE GLINT IN YOUR MOTHER'S EYES DIM AS STROKES TAKE AWAY THE PERSON YOU KNOW. LISTEN TO THE CRY OF A HUNGARY CHILD OR A PARENT WHO CAN'T SUPPLY THEIR CHILD ENOUGH FOOD. SHALL I CONTINUE? &, AS FOR YOUR HUSBAND. DON'T YOU FIND IT AMAZING THAT TWICE WHEN YOU NEEDED SURGERY (HERNIA & WLS), YOUR RESPONSIBLE, LOVING, CARING HUSBAND GETS HIMSELF FIRED. DAUHHHHHH, WAKE UP & SMELL THE SELFISH, HATEFUL COFFEE YOUR HUSBAND IS SERVING YOU. 6 TIMES HE GOT FIRED? MY WORD MS VIOLET, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ??? DO YOU WANT YOUR BOYS TO PATTERN THEMSELVES AFTER THE IMATURE, IRRESPONSIBLE, SELFISH, DISRESPECTFUL EXAMPLE YOUR HUSBAND IS TEACHING THEM? GET HEALTHY & GET OUT THERE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF LIFE & ALLOW GOD TO BRING A SELFLESS, SACRIFICIAL, LOVING, WARM, GENTLE MAN WITH THE INNER STRENGTH OF HIS GOD TO LOVE YOU & YOUR BOYS. NOW, QUIT ACTING LIKE A DAMAGED, HELPLESS FEMALE & FOLLOW GOD'S LEAD. UNLESS THIS DOOR IS SLAMMED SHUT SO TIGHT A BOMB COULDN'T OPEN IT, YOU FIGHT UNTIL YOU GET THIS WLS FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR OWN HEALTH, YOUR ABILITY TO CARE FOR YOUR BOYS & IN THANKFUL OBEDIENCE TO GOD FOR THE BLESSING HE HAS LAID AT YOUR FEET. ONE DAY, WITH OR WITHOUT WLS ... YOU WILL WAKE UP & SAY, "DAWN WAS RIGHT ... I'M SO GLAD I LISTENED TO HER" ... ... ... or ... ... ... YOU WILL WAKE UP & SAY, "DAWN WAS RIGHT ... WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO THE WISDOM GOD WAS SPEAKING THROUGH HER FOR ME?" WHICH IS IT GOING TO BE, MS VIOLET? GOD BLESS YOU DAWN & NICK PS: HERE IS HOW MUCH I BELIEVE IN WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU ... IF YOU WANT ME TO QUIT WRITING ON THIS BOARD BECAUSE YOU JUST CANNOT STAND WHAT I HAVE SAID, THEN I WILL QUIT THE MOMENT I READ YOUR POST. BUT, I WILL NOT TAKE BACK ONE WORD; IT IS FAR TOO IMPORTANT WHEN YOU ARE IN A FIGHT OF FAITH TO HEAR THE TRUTH.

Lady D, you are 100% correct. Thank you for the kick in the ass. Nothing is going to keep me from my surgery. I told my husband that tonight too because I have wasted too much time allowing him to drag me down and blame me for the failures of our marriage. I'm going to have my surgery, make a better life for me and my boys, and move on... Hugs, Vi

Hi Violet! Yeah I would have to agree.You should go on and have your surgery.You need to worry about yourself so that you can have a better life for you and your boys.Your in my thoughts and prayers that everything will work for you. Hugs,Melissa

Thanks hon, I had a moment of weakness (mixed with panic and fear) but you are all right -- I needed to get myself together and keep going with my surgery and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Thank you for your advice. Hope you are recuperating well from your surgery. I'm going to join you soon! Hugs, Vi

I'M SO VERY PROUD OF YOU, MS VI. YOU KEEP THAT POSITIVE STRENGTH & LOOK FORWARD TO THE MOST FANTASTIC LIFE IMAGINABLE! ALL IT TAKES IS ONE DETERMINED STEP INTO YOUR FUTURE & THE WORLD OPENS UP TO YOU! GOD BLESS YOU DAWN & NICK

I totally agree with Lady D. You can come up with all kind of excuses not to have the surgery, which is the negative part of life. I would like for you to concentrate on all the positive things that u have now and will have once u have the surgery done. I dont feel you should worry about anything financially ....as your husband needs to be handling that for his family. You put yourself first and learn to be your best friend, doing what u know is best for u....Go to your knees in prayers and the Good Lord, he is wonderful and he will provide what u need spiritually and emotionally. Fear is the work of the devil and push that from ur life today....keep all negative things out of your vocabulary..... get that surgery scheduled asap and post and let us know....My prayers are with you.... Smiles from Texas to you....

Thank you hon. I prayed last night and asked God to bring me peace in all this and I am comfortable in my decision to proceed with my surgery if all is clear on Wednesday. If for some reason, it's not clear, then I will follow that course as well. Thank you so much for your support. I'm so glad to hear from you and know that you are doing well and I hope to join you real soon. HUGS, Vi