Why are people soooo stupid????

I am furious. I got a call tonight from a family member, who is a nurse, wanting to know when my date is. I told him 10/17/05. I told him how excited I was and all the research I've done ect ect ect. He then proceeds to tell me about someone he worked with that passed away. As soon as he started I told him I was aware of the risk and I would appreciate any prayers or positive feedback but otherwise keep his stories to himself. Just thought it was uncalled for. Have anyone else had this kind of experience? I have been so open with everyone, I haven't hid the information from anyone but after tonight I can understand why people tell little white lies as to why they are in the hospital. Just needed to vent. Thanks to everyone for their support.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN OPEN TO EVERYONE, THEN THINK OF IT THIS WAY. ONLY 1 UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE IN ALL THE MANY POSITIVE ONES. CALL YOUR FAMILY MEMBER BACK & THANK HIM FOR HIS CONCERN FOR YOUR SAFETY. I KNOW ... YOU'D PROBABLY LIKE TO STRANGLE ME RIGHT NOW, BUT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, HE WAS TRULY CONCERNED FOR YOU & JUST EXPRESSED IT POORLY. ANYWAY, DON'T LET 1 UNPLEASANTNESS RUIN THIS WONDERFUL JOURNEY FOR YOU! GOD BLESS ... DAWN & NICK

He's just concerned/worried. Some throw tact to the wind, however.

I have a good friend who had this same surgery a year and a half ago and he's always pointing out the negative stuff to me, even though he is doing well now. One day I told him that my biggest fear was dying and leaving my 2 boys (who I love more than anything) to have to grow up without their Mom. Well his response was that if I die, I'll never know so what difference does it make? Needless to say I wanted to choke him and he has said it a few times since and I told him the other day that he can stop giving me his "good advice" now because I will seek it elsewhere. Some people (and I find this more with men, no offense to any of you reading this) just lack the necessary thought process to curtail some of their comments. So I just chalk it up to them trying to help in the only way they know how. Keep in mind that most people who die after WLS do so from other complications though and not the WLS itself so I'm sure we'll be fine!! HUGS, Vi

Yes, it has happened to me with my sister and a friend of mine....they told of 2 ladies in her lodge and another told about a teacher. of course they didnt remember the names or details..they just knew they died...form this surgery.....I am ok with it....and that is all that matters....smiles to you.....

I also share in your frustration, but in a slightly different way. I have 2 close friends who love me with all their hearts. One has a brother in law that is a cardiology nurse practitioner. She told me that after talking with our other friend who informed her that I was doctor shopping to find a doctor to do the surgery dispite all the risks and her brother in law that she wished I would reconsider my decision especially since I was risking leaving my 11 year old without a mother or a father. How could I be so selfish? I informed her that I had wayed all the risks vs. the risks of not doing the WLS which in my case is a death sentence due to rt sided congestive heart failure and that I was very comfortable with my decision and would not be swayed by her or anybody else. I also told her that yes I had looked around for a reputable surgeon but all the surgeons I had consulted agreed I needed the surgery. I then told my other friend she needed to listen more carefully before repeating what I tell her. Now they are among my staunchiest supporters. Remember it is your decision and God's. Hello to all October birthdays. Mine is 10/06/05. Your will be in my prayers. Love, Juanita

Because they cant help it, and sometimes their foot enters their mouth without them knowing it. My mother always told me "If you dont have something nice to say dont say anything at all, you dont want to hurt someones feelings" not everyone remembers that. I too have had the same thing happen to me, it seems everyone "who hasnt had the surgery" has a horror tale to tell, about someone else's experience, my take on it is, everyone has a different experience with the same thing, for instance, you and I Jane, could be walking in a garden and I could love the fragrances that the many flowers bring, you on the other hand could be turned off by the fragrances, same experience different outcomes! I dont want to hear about someone regaining their weight after having the surgery, or having medical problems, and most of all dying, I know after researching this surgery for many years the pros and the cons, obviously I'm okay with that, otherwise I wouldnt be here at OH and I wouldnt have a date for surgery scheduled. To me life is a gamble, you get out what you put in, "life is not promised to us" only the almighty knows what he has in store for us, if its my time, its my time, nothing I do can change that! However, I am optomistic about this impending surgery, I wont lie I am afraid of the unknown, I believe that's a human trait, but at the same time I'm very excited, excited about having my life back, for as long as the good Lord allows me, I'm excited to soon be able to do things many take for granted, I'm as happy as a bug in a rug! God bless you all!

I have gone over and over this in my mind because I've already had my youngest brother (a nurse in training and a LMT) lecture me on every single horrible thing he's seen with a tone that really said "Hey, stop eating and get it together." Of course, we all know that there's so much more to it than that. My own dad told me "Oh, I wish you wouldn't have done that." How goofy is that??!?!? What I struggle with is the lack of consensus on why some of us very openly tell what our surgery is going to be and yet some people (like me) omit that fact during a "How have you been?" conversation. I think I perpetuate the misunderstandings and callous judgements on us who undergo WLS by not being open and telling my family. And yet, I just don't want to have to deal with that skipped beat where the person you tell isn't really sure how to respond. And, worse yet, they respond with "Well, can't cha just lose weight?" Guess I need to look at it as opportunity to educate the masses on the health benefits, mental health benefits, and benefits to future generations I'm going to gain by having this surgery. Venting is so good, isn't it?!?!?! Thanks for listening--18 days and counting!

IT BREAKS MY HEART MS JULIE, TO HEAR STORIES LIKE THIS. I HAVE BEEN SO BLESSED THAT THOSE AROUND ME ARE 100% WITH ME. REMEMBER THAT EACH OF US HERE ARE 100% FOR YOU & WE CAN SUPPORT YOU & LIFT YOU UP ANY TIME YOU NEED US. I THINK THE REASON WE CAN DO THAT SO UNCONDITIONALLY IS BECAUSE WE ARE ALL GOING THROUGH THE VERY SAME THING. THOSE WHO ARE NOT OBESE, MO OR SO HAVE NOTHING TO COMPARE OUR SITUATION WITH. WE CAN'T BLAME THEM FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING; THEY REALLY HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING. NOT EVEN OUR SURGEONS (UNLESS THEY HAVE BEEN OBESE) HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WE TRULY GO THROUGH, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. THEN AGAIN, WE DON'T TRULY UNDERSTAND WHAT A PARALYZED PERSON GOES THROUGH, OR SOMEONE WITH CANCER, OR SOMEONE WHO IS HOMELESS, OR DRUG ADDICTED ... WHY? BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE THOSE EXPERIENCES. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU & THOSE WHO ARE BEING SO HARD ON YOU IS THAT YOU HAVE A GENTLE SPIRIT & WOULDN'T THINK OF HURTING THEM AS THEY HAVE YOU. THE BEST WAY TO EDUCATE THEM IS TO LIVE WITH ABSOLUTE JOY & EXCITEMENT WITH YOUR DECISION. WHEN THEY SEE HOW POSITIVE YOU ARE & THE AMAZING RESULTS,THEY WILL LEARN IF THEY CHOOSE TO. IF THEY CHOOSE TO STAY CLOSE MINDED, THEN JUST FORGIVE THEM & ENJOY YOUR NEW, HEALTHY LIFE. WE CAN ONLY CHANGE OURSELVES MS JULIE ... NOW IS THE TIME TO LOVE YOURSELF; ONCE YOU DO THAT, THE CHANGE IN YOUR OWN PERSONALITY WILL DRAW JOYFUL PEOPLE TO YOU WHO LOVE THEMSELVES ENOUGH TO GIVE TO OTHERS AS YOU DO. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME ON THE NEGATIVE, SWEETIE ... YOU HAVE A SECOND CHANCE IN LIFE ... SHED ALL THAT IS NOT GOOD IN YOU & YOUR LIFE AS YOU SHED THOSE UNHEALTHY POUNDS! GO FOR THE GOLD WITH ALL YOUR HEART! GOD BLESS & LEAD YOU DAWN & NICK