Just thought I would say hello!

I'm so glad to see that some of you all are still online and are around. I know I haven't been very active on the boards for awhile. Life is and has been kinda crazy and busy..especially with the holidays. Maybe it will slow down a bit. I'm really hoping that 2007 will bring us all health and happiness and continued success in our efforts. Things for me on the weight loss front has virtually stalled and has been that way for a good 7 months. Most days (I know it sounds bad) but I average about 900 calories and I still eat high protein meals and snacks and sometimes some chocolate or some baked chips (I know I know bad bad). However, I've maintained anywhere..depending on the day...I fluctuate 156-163 (especially if I haven't gone to the bathroom for a few days). I still have a compulsion with the scale, I weigh myself everyday..sometimes twice a day. I've tried hiding it but I always go and dig it out where I've hidden it. I just can't go without it. I feel like that's kinda helped me keep on track with things. I would like to lose 20 more pounds but I what I'd like and what is healthy for me are two different things. I don't know if some of you are still experiencing the body dismorphia or not but I am. Some days are worse than others. I see myself sometimes as this double chinned extremely large person and other days, I don't even recognize myself. It's hard. It's still very hard for me to take compliments or respond to people who say "you are looking skinnier every time I see you" or "how much weight have you lost". I don't deal with any negativity from anyone but more with people being curious. I finally was able to spend some time with my extended family, whom I haven't seen since November of 2005. I've become quite terrible when it comes to family functions. I don't enjoy going because I feel like everyone watches me and what I'm eating or is staring at me. So, my stepdad convinced me to go out to my cousin's babyshower last weekend and told me that my isolation from the family is hurting me. So, with some complaining, I did go and I was made a big deal over because of how skinny I looked in my pants and oh how come you still can't eat much and I felt like they were just analyzing what I had on my plate (had a half of a sandwhich..no bread just meat, cheese wrapped in lettuce). I just feel like sometimes that they focus too much on my outside. I just get very anxious and can't wait to go home. I never really used to feel like that because it was kinda the opposite when I was fat..I was ignored and nobody really paid attention to me. As far as my job is going...I've become frustrated and burned out with it too. I'm testing for a Special Agent postion with Homeland Security. I'm praying hard that I can get this position and start a new chapter in my life. I take my exam on Monday and I've been talking to these guys since August. On my exercise front..I'm doing pretty well with that and I look forward to it. I do an awful lot of walking. I started a weight training program with light weights and I'm beginning to build some muscle I'm hoping that I can firm up and maybe tighten some of this excess skin that I've got. If anyone has any suggestions how to help that area..I'd appreciate it!! Anyways, sorry for such a long post but I just thought I'd say hello and hope everyone is doing well!! Take care!

HELLO FROM TEXAS..... GLAD YOU POSTED.. AND GLAD YOUR DOING SO WELL. READING YOUR POST, WE ALL PROBABLY ALL GO THROUGH SOME OF THE SAME THINGS AS YOU POSTED.... IT IS HARD TO ACCEPT THE "BIG DEAL MADE OVER YOU" BECAUSE IT IS KIND OF EMBARASSING, AND IT NEVER HAPPENED TO US WHEN WE WERE "FAT". I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN... I GET UPSET BECAUSE PEOPLE TELL ME STUFF, IN A SORT OF i DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT.... LIKE I DID THIS TO BE SKINNY AND LOOK HOT.....GOOD LORD.. I AM 43 AND A GRANDMA, AND I JUST WANTED TO LIVE TO SEE MY GRANDKIDS GET MARRIED...... I WANTED TO BREATH EASIER, AND BE HEALTHY... THIS WAS LIFE OR DEATH FOR ME....... IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING SKINNY AND LOOKING HOT AS THEY SAY.....IT IS THOSE COMMENTS THAT **** ME OFF..... OKAY YOU GOT ME ON A ROLL, SO I BETTER STOP... I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK AND EMAIL ME AND TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS NEW JOB.....SOUNDS AWESOME. MUCH LOVE TO YOU. VICKIE

Just wanted to say hi and tell you to keep that chin up. You are doing good amazing and should feel very proud of yourself. Good luck with your testing. LisaMarie