Reflections at one year out

Yesterday was my one month surgiversary. It was a long year, but yet it went by incredibly fast. What I have learned about myself this past year. I still love food and I still have a tendancy to eat too much, if I am not in strict control. I cannot do "moderation". I must follow a structured diet plan. For me I am either 100% ON plan or 100% OFF, there is no in between. I have come to accept this. I will have to follow a structured diet for the rest of my life. For this reason I fear maintenance. You know, when you loosen the reigns a little bit because you have acheieved you goal. I fear that I will let loose and go hog wild. The first 3.5 months after surgery were hard for me. I hated msyelf for having this surgery and changing myself for life. I came to accept it and am thankful for it. Would I do it again? You BET, in a heartbeat. I love shopping in the "regular" dept. I love fitting into chairs with room to spare. My daughter is benefitting from my still dropping sizes! I started in a 24W pant and now wear 8/10/12 depending on the cut. I also started in a 3x top and now wear mediums and larges and I even have a couple of generously cut smalls. My weight has gone from 265 to 146.6. I was down lower (141ish), but we just returned from a week at Disney World! I feel like I have wasted the last 6 months. I have lost 22.8 pounds in the last 6 months. Some of those pounds I have lost over and over again. Why? Well when summer hit and the weather turned warmer, I found (which is the norm for me) that I wanted to do more spontaneous eating, which means out to eat, movie snacks etc. I feel like I could have been very close to my ultimate goal by now had I stuck to it. But I know what to do, I am back on track and I will get there. I had set the goal to be to 130-125 by Christmas Eve, but I have decided to not put that much pressure on myself. So I am hoping by 18 months out to be at my final goal. I honestly find my body as disgusting and embarrassing now as I did when I was 265 pounds. The skin is not horrible, but to me it is. I don't know if I will ever be able to afford plastics, there are so many other things that are more important. My breasts trouble me the most. I have gone from a 38/40 D to a 34B and that is mostly skin that I pour into the cup. I am still fat on the inside. I will catch a glimpse of myself and be shocked that it is me. They say it takes a couple of years to catch up. WOW this sounds like my life is a downer. That is SO not true. My life is much the same, there is just much less pounds of me in it! I haven't really changed, tho DH says I am meaner! LOL! I am happy! Jenn RNY 10/24/05 265/146.6/145

Hi Jenn, Congratulations on your one year anniversary!!! And congratulations on your success! You seem to really have a handle on the whole new-life thing. Your post mirrors a lot of the feelings that I have at this point! I too would do it all over again if I had to. I wish you continued success and just keep that positive attitude going!!! Much love from Miami, Jeanne 317/289.5 day of surgery/146.5 now wooo hoooo