Getting Discouraged.....LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG......

Ok I was near 300 lbs and every other day I hear "Look at You, You have such a pretty face to bad Your heavy you would be a doll" I have heard that since I was a small child even from my Mother. UGH !! Ok Here I am in a size 12/14 still have 20 lbs till goal and I am sure atleast 15 is skin anyway ......... Growing up You dream about being "Thin" Daily then Prom and seeing friends on dates and cruising the mall and all that I have grown up a lot since then but the dream of what it would feel like to be smaller has been relatively the same. I am with the man I love and beautiful children I am pretty active now and can do things I used to only dream about so life is much better I feel funny not heading straight to the PLUS SIZE rack anymore and all..... So with things going so good why is it I feel like a failure ? I look in the mirror and my face looks like a skeleton I am 29 yrs old and have major laugh lines the "Pretty Face is gone" and with it the dream of what I would be like thin I mean the skin OMG I thought I would have some but I have a roll that keeps on rolling and then one on top of it!! LOL and the legs are like wrinkled pups. I set and look down and still feel as wide as I ever was because when I am setting at my desk I still only have a couple inches and would be touching both handles on my chair not to far from where I was pre surgery. My upper legs still look as wide as a cabinet door (like those double door metal cabinets) How could I wear such smaller sizes from a 36/38 jean to a 12/14 if I am still so big? I try to convince myself I am my own worse judge but I have eyes and I see that I am still THICK . So have I lost my one good point. I realize I must seem like I am rambling but sometimes it hits hard and I wanna cry I will never afford the plastics I think that will make these feelings go away and I don't think that the last 20 lbs will do it either. Am I doomed to be extra wide ? why is it that I can be beside my SIL and she is the same size as I (she used to be petite but has gained in the last couple years) and I still feel like I am so much bigger? I don't think that I had this much of a self image problem when I was heavier. Will I ever see the real me or am I really seeing what I am and just gotta do something differant. I feel so unperportioned. My head and shoulders look like a stick yet my arms still sag a good 14 inches flat YUCK from there down I feel so oversized still. Does a person ever even out am I normal? Will I ever feel Normal ? I have slowed to only 2 - 3 pounds a month Which feels so slow You don't even feel it. It is almost like coming down off of an adrenaline rush and thinking what now. I wanna wear tank tops with spaghetti straps because it is hot and not worry about folks getting grossed out ya know. I am gonna stop now I could go on and on and on I am afraid I would out do the energizer bunny at this point so I won't bore You anymore I just plain don't feel normal yet. Any advice? I don't do the shrink thing I do the friends Family & people who have been there with advice thing , So Any advice ? Help? Thanks You ALL are the best. 287/172/160 then plastics Shell No I do Not regret surgery Would do it again!!!

HI! Shell! Read your message and I wish to give you my views and opinion from an outside who is looking in! Who cares if you have loose skin and to hell with anyone who states or make comments! I've been overweight all my life, from 310lbs to 159lbs, size 10/12 at 9 months out. At 51 years of age I now have a healthier life! From the picture of you I see you are a beautiful person . If people make comments about your looks, they are just jealous of what you have achieved. Your life is a blessed one, you've achieved the impossible, you have a beautiful family, husband & healthy kids! What more could you ask for! At 9 mts out and I still can't believe how small I am and how much weight I have lost (157lbs). I too have loose skin but I don't worry about it. I have my health back. See what the cost would be for a tummy tuck and arm lift. Check & see if you can find a plastic surgeon who will let you make payments. See if your insurance company will cover some of the surgery expecially if you have skin irriations because of the loose skin. See if you can do a home loan to cover the cost. Won't know unless you try! What do you have to loose! You need to start putting your mind on the positives in your life and drop the negatives you've been feeling. I'm not saying you are wrong to have these feelings you been having, we all including me battle the depression monster. Only you can make you happy so why not start today! Take a pad and mark down all the negatives in your life and match them up with the positives and I bet you will see that its not as bad at you think! I believe you should love yourself first and if no one else can to hell with them because I am here for a reason and I am special. God loved you so much as to put you here on this earth, had you have 2 children and a love in your life as well as helped you achieve your one true dreams to be thin. Only people like us know what it is like to be overweight and we are the only ones who understand each other. So my friend, you have made many changes in your life and change is a good thing. So, its time for you to go out and decide what's out there to make you happy again! Life is too short to not enjoy every moment! Life is grand and its to be enjoyed every day. Don't worry about yesterday, its now history; tomorrow is yet to be and today is the present a gift to enjoy! Hope you don't take my message in a wrong way; I know you have it in you to seek out and find your dreams. From this wls member who wishes you the best in everything, riches in life & love and true happiness. Seek and you shall find, ask and you shall receive and believe that it will all come true and it will. You have to claim it and believe it will come true! I have faith in you!

Thank You so much for the uplifting vote of confidence. I hope that eventually none of these things will cross my mind and I can just simply be. Just be me, Ya know. Maybe like You said today is the first day at just doing that. When I start to have them thought stop myself and say I am just me. Right?! Ok, I can do it. Thanks for your post I appreciate the advice. Shell

Shell, Oh hon...I can relate with you 100%. You and I are fairly similar size wise...I started at 291 and am now at 174. I stand next to my best gal friend and still feel huge. The sad part is, I'm actually smaller than her size-wise. We spend all this time and energy, not only just after surgery, but before as well...trying for that thin body that will magically solve all of our image problems. Apparently, while we've lost the weight, we still have image problems. I think we are definately our own worst critics. We get told that we're "melting" away and skinny and all we can think of is that roll around our middle, or the saggy thighs. I guess we need to learn that nobody is perfect...and we can't expect to be. I'm not sure how we are suppose to go from seeing ourselves as a 300 lb gal still to the gal that we are today. I know it won't happen overnight... I'm not sure this has helped you at all...kinda rambling a bit, lol...but hang in there...I think you're more normal than you think. I think all of us go through this, in fact, am still going through this. I'm hoping personally, that time will help matters and we'll start to see ourselves as we really are, not how our head thinks we are. Try to stay positive...I'm sure you look great...just look at all you've accomplished! Good for you! ~Lisa -116.6 lbs 291/174.4/165ish

Hi although I am sorry You have had the same feeling I have, I am glad to know i am not the only one. I think I remember someone the other day calling it body dismorphia. I must have a bad case of it. Maybe I shouldn't have so many expectations of myself and just be me. I know I have done well I love life I just can't see me I guess that is kinda scary. LOL Thanks for taking the time to post, Shell

I hear you. I've lost 117 pounds, and have at least 93 more to go. My stomach, upper thighs, upper arms, face, chin and boobs are gross. I was told that this may firm up after about a year - by someone that experienced a 100 pound weight loss. And, I'm very scared that I won't get to under 200 pounds, started at 370 am now at 253. I'm 51 years old and wonder how different my life would've been if I hadn't carried this weight burden around all these years. I needed this surgery badly and thank God for it. However, I'm losing maybe 4-5 pounds per month and at this rate, I'll not make it to goal unless I step up the exercise which is difficult with my weight damaged knees and hips. The appetite is better than it was, not as crazy craving as it was at 6-7 months out from surgery - so that is an improvement. It was such a relief to be unburdened by the cravings for the honeymoon period right after surgery. However, after the initial return of appetite for not so great food choices, I'm pretty much back on the right track. You maybe won't be able to take this in, but I looked at your pictures and you do look SO much better now all around and you are very attractive and pretty. I was told its cheaper to go to the midwest for plastics and a lot of people are going back there now to have their plastic surgery done because of the cost reduction. There are good docs there, too. I'm wondering if there is any way you can persist with the insurance company for reconstructive surgery. That may be an uphill battle as some folks experience with the WLS insurance coverage. I am very concerned about the way my body looks and whether or not I'll get to goal. However, just emotionally I feel a lot better. The relentless depression I experienced has lifted giving me hope for a better future. My surgeon also said wait for plastics until one is at their lowest weight. I'm hoping that the skin and muscles will have tightened up somewhat before that point adjusting for the rapid loss of 117 pounds so far. 117 pounds is a whole person! Hang in there - some days are better than others. I hope for you that you feel better. But I do hear you.

It is so strange seeing this post today as I was just talking to one of my surgery friends yesterday about just this sort of a problem. I am 9 1/2 months out and have lost 137 lbs but I don't feel good about myself. I am so much thinner than a lot of my friends but I still FEEL much fatter than they. Everyone is telling me I look great and all that but I sit in my chair at work and see the rolls and rolls of skin pertruding my sweater and I HATE IT!!! I guess I really thought that losing all that weight would give me a body that I was comfortable with and proud of. I *should* be proud but I need some mindwork in order for that to happen Take care luv and know that you do have a really pretty face and that you are indeed not alone Best, Kolla 304/167/140

Please girls, take a good look at your before and afters. I did and you are all sooooo much more prettier and happier in your after pictures! Take a good look and I am sure you will see it! My doctor also told me that he will not recommend plastic surgery until after I am at goal weight for a year. A YEAR! I cried, yes he replied you need to let your skin memory catch up with your weight loss. Uhm, my skin memory is 52 years old, hope it can remember when I was in my 20's!!!!!! I was thin for such a brief moment. But I am so releaved that the numbers are finally going down that I refuse to worry until I am at goal weight. At my rate of loss it will be, lets see....................WHEN I AM 80. Try to be happy with what you have accomplished and check with a plastic surgeon. Get more than one opinion, because yes, insurance sometimes pay for PS when you have skin irratation and a lot of doctors have payment plans. Do not give up. We are worth it. Eileen