Who here is having issues with the spouce after wls

Im finding that im having some problems with the hubby. As i now lost the weight and look better than i have since i was an early teen im of course spending more time an effort on me an doing things like shopping for clothes that are well girlie and nice. Im tanning at a salon. Oh and i got them airbrushed manicure nails to boot. Im wanting to dress up. I care what i look like and i guess im becoming what i used to refer to as high maintance. Its not that i want the designer jeans and bags or anything its that well im enjoying being able to wear things i only dreamed of wearing and im liking the fact that i feel like a woman again instead o just a being. Herein lays the problem. Hubby is like what are you doing that for. Why do you want to tan. Isnt that shirt a lil snug. Why are you putting on makeup who is the makeup for? Its driving me out of my mind. He is in the army and he leaves for two three months shortly and he is becoming so insecure. Its like im doing all this to impress someone else when it just for me really not even for him as much as it s for me. I like feeling like a woman again. Also im finding that im less and less tolerant of bull@&*#. Before it was he would drink lie to me and id roll over and forgive him. Now its like you know what lif is too short for bull*@&! pick up the pace and get with the program or get lost. Before surgery i was way more tolerant of his crap now im like ya know what I dont deserve to be lied to and if it ws looking like we weree on the verge of splitting id be terrified...now its like umm well if your gone be less stressful. Its like im not worried like before. I remember thinking pre op about other gals and them leaving cause their husbands were not living up to thier end of the deal and thinking ohhh there she goes onto another man wonder whats shes gona do when her looks die out and she doesnt have that to fall back on. You would think that with the weight off that he would be estatic and pleased and supportive but no its back to hs old ways im im getting rather bored of it real fast. Anyoe else experiencing similar things out there kindest regards deborah gale 283/174@gaol

Yes, unfortunately I am.... My husband accepted me before surgery, but I wanted to do this for myself, and health reasons -- trying to avoid some of the bad things in my family history. After surgery, things were ok for awhile ... then when I got to really feeling extra good about myself and how I looked, and taking extra time with myself, etc. etc. ... he was starting to feel more and more insecure. He hated me always thinking of myself -- he said I was acting like I was God and better than anyone else -- that I didnt think of anyone but myself -- that I was just way out there, and not the person I was before. I didnt see me doing those things. I was simply, for the first time in my life -- LIKING myself. I liked the new me -- the new confidence -- the increased self esteem, etc. I wasnt trying to leave anyone out or put myself on a pedestal though. DH lost his job, and then just didnt appear to be interested in finding another job too badly. That was first part of October 2004, right before my surgery. To date, he is still not working. I am fed up with it, and cannot afford all of the bills on my own, plus medical bills, etc. etc. So I filed for divorce and left him in late April ... hoped maybe he'd wake up and smell the coffee, and get a job. But he hasnt. So I am assuming we will be getting divorced sometime in the near future. Its hard. But I've been told that this sort of thing is pretty common after a surgery like this.... Best of luck to ya! Susan 10-6-04

Yes - It is the strangest thing since don't think I've changed that much, except for weight loss, less depression, less tolerance for negative BS and his insecurities have appeared with a vengence. And I'm still no string bean. Need less contact with him (thankfully don't live together) because as I start to feel good for a change instead of the dreadful depression and hopelessness I always felt before, I just don't want to be around it, unless he is behaving - but it was his misbehavior and insecurities that came into the picture before I decided to distance myself. It was as if he was pushing me away - so I took the clue. Still talk, but not as frequently. It has been a bit tough, since we were best friends and talked 3-4 times a day - now, maybe 1-2 times a week. You look awesome in your new picture by the way. Think I'll paint my toenails this weekend - before I could hardly reach them to clip them. Ahhhh... simple pleasures!!! And, I'm finding myself taking more care in my appearance and grooming. Am concerned I'll not get to goal at this rate though. Had a bit of a struggle with the food cravings - now that has eased back after the appetite came back. Thank God - it will still be easier to make the right choices with food. I just can't stand that undeniable obsession and urge to eat and it was so nice to have that go away after surgery. I was afraid it was coming back, but think it is going to work out just fine. Hang in there with the hubby. You'll be fine, whatever happens. I just put my foot down with my friend and he has soft peddled his attitude the last few times I've talked with him. Maybe you can just let him know what you will and will not tolerate. I had to get to the point of being willing to let go if that is what I need to do for my own peace of mind and well-being. But we still have contact. Hope it works out for you.

Oh, yeah! I am kinda in the same boat! I think I put up woth more crap before because I was depressed(and the behavior made me more depressed) and wanted peace in my family. I felt I couldn't get up the energy to challenge the behavior and so I walked on egg shells and mads everything OK for everyone else. Now, I'm healthier and happier and it seems to be killing our relationship. I want equal partnering with the family and to be treated with respect. IMy husband is more and more insecure and it is like a stone around my heart. Any help form the guys out there???? janee

I have finally cut ties with my ex. We had been together for almost 14 years and have a 13 year old daughter together. You would not even believe all the crap I put up with, like cheating, alcohol and drug abuse, lying, etc. I guess I just felt like I couldn't do any better, and even though we broke up time and time again, I would always get lonely and take him back. Not this time! I know this time is different. I have more confidence and not only am I not taking him back, I am refusing to date any other loser. My motto is "if you settle for less, you'll GET less". So, I am not settling. And I finally have peace and harmony in my life, and that is worth more to me than anything. So, when a good guy finally does come along, I will know he was worth waiting for, and I will definitely appreciate him. Like your posts, Deborah. I agree with a lot of the things you write about, even tho I don't write back. I too have gotten acrylic nails, eyebrows waxed, etc. Things girls do. I never put much thought or effort into myself before. This is MY time! Boy, am I enjoying it! Good luck to you all!