My marriage couldn't take the weight-loss

My marriage cant take it either. My husband says he regrets me ever having the surgery, now, and that I have just changed way too much. He says I am acting selfish, and like I am some sort of "God". He says everything is always about me, me me.... ...which couldnt be further from the truth. I dont understand why he feels that way. And of course, now his friends have all been brainwashed by him, and his family too. So I feel very alienated from all of them. I have filed for divorce ... but then 2 days later he finds out, starts crying and just cant take it. He wants us to try the separation thing first, and give it 3-5 months -- time for us to get bills caught up etc., and then see what happens after that. So I will...I am moving out and going to my mothers. He is moving out end of this week and going to his mothers. (Thank God for mothers, huh?) Its been BAD. I heard that this sort of thing can happen to marriages after weight loss surgery -- just never thought it would happen to ME! Susan 288/190/??

Hi Susan I am so sorry about your marriage. I guess this shouldn't be a surprise, but as you said, you never think it will happen to you Still, I don't regret having the surgery and I hope you don't either. One of my friends said that my (ex) husband was threatened by my increasing self-confidence and until then I hadn't even considered that as a factor. These things are complicated and sad but at the end of the day we must do what is right for us. Congratulations on your weight-loss. You look great. I wish you all the best on your journey HUGS Kolla 304/198/140

I'm just curious to HOW LONG everyone was married?????

I am sooooooooooooo sorry to hear what you and others are going or have gone through. This is terrible!!!!!!!! This is a cruel thing to say/ask......would they rather not have you because of death? Would that make your not being there more acceptable? We all know we can die from being over weight and spouses would be still be alone. Wouldn't they rather have a happy healthy mate. Yes I am talking like a single person. I have been divorced over 20 years and never looked back. And now I am even more happy that I didn't. I live along but I am not lonely! Be proud of your accomplishment and another chance to live. It does sound as though there could be a little envy there or it could be "fear" of going under the knife (as some would put it) and not wanting to admit it. Either way if you feel this is what is best for you then go for it. You only live one but in case we have been given a second chance at it. Support is an important factor in the new life and if you can't get from where you need it - go get it where you can. REMEBER TO LOVE YOURSELF.......if you can't love you - then you can't love anyone else. I turned 50 last December - and my new motto is: "I am doing me - it's all about me now" Good luck MotherLove 10/20/04 Consult 370 PreOp 354 To date 278.2

Why are you trying to make him change his ways. YOU decided to have the surgery, not him. One can not change another. Only he can change himself when he has the desire to eat healthy. Yes I'm playing the devil with you. Put yourself in his shoes,really. Had it been him that had the surgery, would you stop your way of eating. I dont think you would. Its hard to break a habit that you enjoy,wether it be good or bad for you. Just because he has not changed doesn't mean that he won't in the future. Maybe he is testing you, yes he probably wants the comfort of his wife eating food with him. Why is he afraid to eat in front of you You sound like your on his back, because you changed your way donn't expect him to. Love does not make conditions in a marriage, love is rescepting each other for what an who the people are. Don't expect one person to change just because you did. Its wonderful that you have, you not only have weight loss but good health.Go the counseling.I see you really love him but are frustated.bless you I can say these things.my husband is big an wants me to eat with him. solution. I brought out a 4 oz cup and showed him what my stomach can accept. Please take this with love. I don't think your husband truly understands the surgery and the size of your stomack.

Hi Carol I think I have replied to most of your comments in previous responses. The notion that love does not make conditions in a marriage is romantic but hardly practical. Women have left their husbands for years because of, e.g. their alcaholic problems, despite loving them. My ex husband knows what I went through with the surgery because I had to go over it again and again for him when he didn't want me to have it. I don't understand how you can see that I really love him I have been to extensive therapy lately and apparently (according to my psychologist) I searched him out as an eating partnet - not a lover. I am still sorting through that one and wondering if that may be correct. He tries to hide his binging from himself as much as me. It's all part of the food addiction. I did it myself at a certain time in my life. I hid food even when I lived alone because I didn't want to face it. Of course I get angry when I see him binge because I get scared. He is only 5"7 and weighs about 300 lbs - almost all of whom reside on his stomack. Naturally I can't blame him for that but I am angry at him for not caring enough about himself to try something - anything! I have offered to cook Atkins meals, go with him to a personal trainer, help him count the calories, offered to introduce him to a wonderful therapist and so on. No dice! Everyone keeps telling me that I cannot change my husband and they are right. However, the changes in my own life have resulted in our marriage breaking up. My husband and I are splitting up but I am coming together. I love myself as I have never before. For the first time in my life I am not afraid to live Best, Kolla 304/194/140 (110 done and only 54 left )