Hormones? Self Confidence? Or...?

OK, mini therapy session, perhaps, but here we go anyway--apologies in advance for the long post I know this will be... Topics: 1. Guilt 2. Weird (for me) cosmetic things 3. Distraction from more important things 1. Guilt I am surrounded by people who have had varying degrees of weight-related issues. I am bypassing most of them now, as I am a size 20 (from a BIG size 28 at my surgery day, 10/29/04). I am beginning to feel really guilty about my surgical "fix" where I am continually able to lose weight without really trying. Does anyone else have similar feelings? Have your friends, mates, and/or relatives begun to exhibit some resentment toward you? How are you handlng that? I have just tried to stifle my overwhelming urge to talk about surgery--sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't... My mother and sister, for instance, always ask about my progress and I tell them. I also want desperately to share my ongoing "victories" with them, so it's been difficult to temper my exuberance, even in light of their growing withdrawal. 2. Weird (for me) cosmetic things I just wonder if y'all have started doing things like growing your nails and getting manicures and/or getting acrylics, tweezing brows, buying (and wearing!!) makeup, shaving your legs, etc. This has been NOT me for at least 15 years (even though I was a size 18/20 once before during that time), and I find myself really paying attention to these weird, superficial things that I have typically shunned (if not ridiculed) during these last years. I can't figure out if it is a surge of estrogen (I'm PCOS, by the way, producing much more testosterone historically than the typical female) or if it's an increasing self-esteem thing, or if it's just what a "normal" female feels. I suspect it's a combo of all of the above, but wonder about others' experience in a similar surgical time-frame. 3. Distraction from more important things I have been having greater and greater diffuculty concentrating on academic and household priorities. I am pre-med (at 36 years old) and am taking chemistry right this minute, in addition to finishing up a human resource specialty to tack onto my existing MBA in Health Care Administration. I also have been paying less attention to household tasks (filing, organization, keeping up with laundry so it doesn't become a big task, etc.) in favor of going out and having fun. Has anyone else experienced this? I am a bit worried because I wonder if I will become distracted by the profound change to my physical self and end up neglecting my academic self. Anyone else experiencing similar "distraction" from the cerebral pursuits because of the profound physical changes we are undergoing?

Hey, Lisa, I am usually more of a lurker on this website, but I found your post very interesting. As far as guilt goes, I would not say I experience that. My friends all got heavy, like I did, and I took this route to lose weight after many, many, failed attempts. They are happy for me, and the people I work with are (mostly) happy for me, and the ones that aren't are just jealous, that is their problem! LOL! As for the cosmetic part, I couldn't agree more. I recently got my nails done for the first time in my life and my eyebrows waxed. I said to my hairdresser, it took me 47 years, but I am finally turning into a girl!! By the way, the nails are gone now, but I am going to do it again, I just bought two rings (another first) so I will have to have nails to showcase them. And as for the having fun part, I am right there with you also. I'm not going to school, so I don't have that to worry about, but I recently got out of a very bad, 13 year relationship, so couple that with losing weight, and you better believe I'm going to have fun!! As long as I'm not neglecting my daughter and my job, there is nothing wrong with it. This is our turn! All those years of suffering and being in the background...and men that would've turned tail and run if I would've spoken to them before are falling all over themselves now! It is divine justice and I wouldn't miss a minute of any of it! Enjoy the ride, girl!

Hello Lisa, 1. I do have some guilt as in I wish I would have done it sooner (more like a regret). I didn't realize how much of a "burden" I was on my family in the sense that they didn't go bike riding, walking, or to like the park because I was so super obese that I couldn't even walk. I didn't realize how much of a real burden I was on my older daughter that practically had to do the grocery's the last couple of months before my surgery because I let myself fall into a deep depresion over the excess weight I had gained in the 6 month's waiting to get the surgery approved. This is the real guilt for me. As far as my friends go. I just see it as this is what I had to do for me. They are free to make their own choices, I just tell them how it is for me and try to help them in whatever they choose to do for themselves. My husband doesn't feel it is fair that after all these years of me not wanting (or being able) to do physical activities that now that he is older I am getting all this new found energy. To this I say, well better late than never buddy and although I also feel guilty because to a point I also let him down, I can't change the past. 2. I am definetly looking in the mirror more and paying extra attention to the nails and hair. Although I must admit even at my worse I was like this, my dressing has definelty gotten better! 3. I do feel I am more distracted lately. I am definetly focused more on my well being than any other things and It has taken me 16 yrs. to take care of me. I was always taking care of everyone elses needs before my own. So although I do apologize to people for my lack of concentration, I definetly feel better because I am improving myself in other ways! I do however have more physical energy to deal w/ other things that come up. Great post and I wish every continued success!!! Mayra from Miami

Hi Lisa 1. I am definately getting this same wibe from some of my friends. The most trouble I am receiving, however, is from my boss. She is obese and she used to call me into her office to discuss the problems with being overweight and how she didn't feel that she could do anything about her weight. Now everyone at work has spoken up about my weight-loss but her. In fact she doesn't speak to me at all. And my best friend has joined a gym in order to continue to be slimmer than I am. Both these women feel that I have gotten an easy ride but I don't agree. It's been very difficult at times but of course I could not have lost the weight without the surgery. I chose to have it and if they don't then it is their problem 2. Oh boy do I feel those hormones I also have PCOS and I have been going through the emotional scale on an out-of-control train. I laugh and cry and get angry and happy and just all of it. However, I am sure that it will pass. 3. I am more self-confident now and have applied for a masters degree at the University of Iceland next fall. But I do admit that I have taken an interest in beauty tips, clothes and a lot of stuff that I have shunned (and ridiculed) in the past. I guess it's all a part of the program Best, Kolla 304/203/140

Hi lisa, 1. Definately feeling the guilt...I get that "you took the easy way out" vibe a lot. Like you, I try not to bring up anything surgery or weightloss related but because it is still such a big part of my life and daily routine, it does slip out frequently. I understand why some of my friends and family have the reaction they do. I know that mostly it is not about me at all but it is still hard to deal with. I myself do sometimes think I took an easy way out but now I'm doing just as much exercise and diet control as all those other diets I was on the only differnce now is that it is actually working! 2. Not alone on this one either! 3. Like you, I am going to school for a doctorate and working full time. I am definately finding it more difficult to juggle everything. I am also finding the motivation towards academics is at an all time low. My house is knee-deep in mess at the moment, too. I have trouble focusing enough to write my papers...the list of things falling by the wayside is long.... Recently, the life councelor that I have been going to had my write down how many hours each week I spend on all the tasks that have to get done. When i added in the new required hour of exercise every day the number of hours was higher than the total number of available hours in the week. Part of my problem is that I used to stress eat and comfort myself with food, and now that that option isn't open anymore, I'm not dealing with the stress as well. Add to that the physiological stress that our bodies are under and it is really no wonder that we are distracted and unable to focus. By nature, academic tasks require a lot of concentration and energy (most of which for me is now taken up with my surgery issues), ...All I can say is THANK GOD THE SEMESTER IS ALMOST OVER! Maybe I'll have my act together in time for summer session. So, you are not alone! Hang in there, hopefully we'll both make it!