Depression and Mood Fluctuations: Is This Normal?

My open RnY surgery was on October 25, 2004, all went well, no (as yet) known complications. Home from hospital after two days. On Friday, November 5th, I started eating little pieces of chicken (chewed to a pulp!), and things like very soft carrots (which are somehow terribly appealing at this point!), and soup with vegetables in it. After a few days of this, I decided I was suddenly healed (since I was kind of eating) and I made the decision to go back to work on Monday, November 8th. That's two weeks, exactly. (I work in a two-person office, running a small business, very easy pace, whatever pace I want kind of thing. Very supportive co-worker.) Thought all was fine, I felt okay, wasn't dizzy, or anything. (And even got "WOW" compliments already.) Suddenly, after I got to work, I had my first experience with what I will assume was "dumping." One of those "Oh, man, I've-gotta-get-to-the-bathroom and any time over three seconds that it takes to make that normally 30-second walk is beyond my limit" kind of things. (I did make it, tho.) It caught me so sharply off guard. I was stunned, to be honest, and a bit taken aback. I'd been fine! However, I did stick it out at work. Went out walking (not too much, not too little) at lunch. Ate a tiny bit of baked potato. Left work at around 4:30pm. Didn't feel ... well ... just didn't feel good. Felt run down, miserable, quiet, and sorry for myself. Even had someone else drive me home. I decided that I was going to return to more soft and liquidy foods, and give it a bit more time (soup, cream of wheat, etc.). I did have some imitation crab last night (hey, that was good!), and have eaten some sliced deli meat today. Working it back in slowly. I also decided that I was going to not go into the office ... maybe again until next week, maybe tomorrow. I've always been a bit over-ambitious, and always try to hide when I'm not feeling well. I always want to be the miracle child, never be a burden on anyone. A good actress, I guess. Bottom line is this: emotionally, I am really fluctuating wildly all over the charts. Sometimes I'm REAL up, other times, I'm almost so quiet, the family member who's taking care of me wants to make sure I'm still breathing. She's encouraging, but I know she worries. I seem to have gone into a bit of depression or funk. It's like I find myself constantly thinking about this surgery, my pains, my recoveries, my limitations, my expectations, my weight, and on and on. I don't know if I am depressed because I want to heal miraculously, if I think I'm not doing good enough, if I think I'm not losing quickly enough, if I'm frustrated with the food ... I don't really know. I even still occasionally need to take one of my Percocet pills (crushed, of course!) because of the constant dull pain. I know it must be normal for people to experience such extreme emotional and physical fluctuations. But, how do I get myself to accept that I'm doing okay, and that I don't have to be superwoman? (That's always been hard for me.) I CONSTANTLY worry that I had a "placebo" RnY gastric bypass (you know, the incision, hospital, ng tube, catheter, IV's, etc., were all just for show), that I'm not really going to lose weight, and that it's going to be a failure. (And I've lost 29.1 pounds.) The rational part of me says that's ridiculous, the other part keeps screaming "I WILL lose weight, right?!" Any support of encouragement that anyone can offer would be sincerely appreciated. Remaining upbeat is a huge challenge, because this really does remain the hardest thing I've done in my life. And trust me, at the age of 45, I can say it's been a full, fun, and challenging life. Thanks all - -- Darcy

Darcy, sounds to me like you're right on schedule with the emotions and feelings. I had my surgery on October 5, and at 2 weeks I had an emotional meltdown that I really wasn't expecting. Completely took me by surprise, even though I'd read that it could happen. Then I went back to work after almost 3 weeks, thinking it would be fine. I only made it 3 hours. My doctor's office called me to see how returning to work went, and when I told them I only made it 3 hours, they said that's about what they'd expected, and told me I needed to take the full 6 weeks. Since then, I'm just over 5 weeks post-op, and I am doing much better. My emotions are not so high and low and my energy level is coming back. Although, I, too, worry that the surgery isn't going to work on me....that I somehow didn't get the whole surgery procedure or something. I'm doing better at getting in my liquids and protein, but I haven't been able to move on to "regular" food, for the most part. I'm still eating a lot of yogurt and other soft foods, and I haven't been cleared for most things yet, anyway. But hang in there. Each week gets better than the last one, and at this rate, we should be feeling great in no time! ~Cathy

Hi Darcy, What you are feeling is so normal. I am five and a half weeks out and I still have moments of overwhelming sadness, worrying that I made the wrong decision, wondering if I have let myself eat certain foods too soon. I have had one dumping syndrome on Halloween and I thought I was going to die!! I didn't realize how much the surgery was going to affect my head as much as my stomach!! Hang in there, we will all get through it together with this great support sysytem. Nina

Thanks you, Cathy and Nina. It's a hard thing, as you both know. Maybe I just panic about it because I had to self-pay ($20K) upfront ... and you start thinking (too much), wondering if you made the right decision. Most especially when you haven't lost huge amounts of weight. I keep trying to tell myself that there is no way that eight months from now I'm going to regret this. (And then that nagging little voice chimes in ... "Right ...?!") It's difficult when you're still dealing with the pain and then the massive mood swings start in. Self-doubt becomes the name of the game, I suppose. I appreciate the time that you each took to reassure me. That makes me feel a lot better. Nina, after you had your 'dumping session' ... well ... I hate to get pesonal ... but since I had my one on Monday (today being early Friday), I haven't had to "go" since. I think I hear Milk of Magnesia calling my name. Is this normal? Thanks again. -- Darcy