I AM LAYING IT ALL OUT THERE!!!

HI ALL, IT HAS BEEN A LONGTIME SINCE I HAVE BEEN ON THIS BOARD.I TRULY HAVE MISSED YOU GUYS. SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED IN MY LIFE DURING THE COURSE OF THE LAST FEW WEEKS. I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY AND CONFESS AND THERE IS NO BETTER TIME THAN THE PRESENT. AS WE ALL KNOW I HAVE STRUGGLED CONSISTANTLY WITH THIS WHOLE WEIGHT LOSS THING. I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH I DEPENDED ON FOOD. IT WAS MY CRUTCH, MY SOULMATE AND ALWAYS THERE TO SOOTHE ME WHEN I WAS DOWN OR UP, DEPRESSED OR HAPPY. WELL AFTER HAVING SURGERY AND NOT BEING ABLE TO INDULGE IN FOOD LIKE I USED TO, I HAD TO DO SOMETHING ELSE TO SOOTHE ME. THAT SOMETHING ELSE WAS ALCOHOL. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A PERSON TO HAVE A DRINK HERE AND THERE, HOWEVER THIS BECAME MORE THAN HERE AND THERE. I BEGAN TO START TO DRINK DAILY, SOME DAYS FROM THE TIME I GOT UP UNTIL THE TIME I WENT TO BED. I FOUND MYSELF GETTING UP IN THE MORNING AND DRINKING BEFORE I WOULD EAT. I STARTED DRINKING AT WORK AND EVERYTHING. I WAS TO THE POINT WHERE I BEGAN TO DRINK AND DRIVE WITH MY KIDS IN THE CAR. I WAS TRULY ON A ROAD TO SELF DESTRUCTION, EITHER IWAS GOING TO DIE OR I WAS GONNA KILL SOMEONE ELSE BY DRINKING AND DRIVING. SO WHAT I DID WAS TO GO TO A REHAB IN BOCA RATON, FLORIDA. I WAS THERE FOR 21 DAYS. THEY DETOXED ME FOR A WEEK THEN THE OTHER 2 WEEKS WAS INTENSE THERAPY AND GROUP SESSIONS. I HAVE ALSO BEEN SET UP WITH AN OUTSIDE THERAPY GROUP, A SHRINK AND A THERAPIST. I ALSO HAVE AN AA GROUP AND A SPONSOR. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT I LEARNED IN 3 WEEKS WAS I HAVE SOMEWHAT GOTTEN TO THE ROOT OF MY EATING ADDICTION AND ALCOHOL ADDICTION. I AM SO HAPPY THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO IDENTIFY SOME OF MY PROBLEMS, I AM ALSO VERY HAPPY THAT I WILL CONTINUE TO WORK WITH A THERAPIST TO TRY AND GET ALL OF MY BURDENS OUT IN THE OPEN. I AM SHARING ALL OF THIS WITH YOU ALL, NOT TO SCARE ANYONE, BUT TO LET YOU ALL KNOW, NOT TO SIT BY AND LET YOUR ADDICTION,IF YOU HAVE ONE TAKE OVER YOU, JUST KNOW THAT YOU ARE POWERLESS OVER YOUR ADDICTION AND GET HELP. I KNOW, WHO AM I TO GIVE ADVICE ON ANYTHING. LOL. HOWEVER I SUFFERED FOR MONTHS IN SILENCE, I COMPLAINED ABOUT EVERYTHING, BUT I NEVER LET OUT WHAT IT WAS THAT WAS EATING ME ALIVE. I COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD THEY WAY I DRANK AND I ALSO COULD HAVE KILLED MY KIDS OR SOMEONE ELSE. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY TIMES THAT PEOPLE TOLD ME TO GET HELP AND I REFUSED TO HEAR THEM, NOW I KNOW BETTER. I FEEL GREAT ABOUT MY DECESION TO GET HELP AND I LOOK FORWARD TO MY THERAPY MEETINGS AND MY GROUP SESSIONS. THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE. UNTIL NEXT TIME, PEACE AND BLESSINGS. ADRIENNE

Adrienne, First let me give you a great big hug ((((((((Adrienne))))))). then second let me say that you have shown so much strength and courage, just to be able to be open and honest. That is the hardest part, to look at our demons and then tell others about our deep dark secrets. I am so glad God was watching over you and your children so that a major tragedy did not occur. I am so happy for you that you have found the gift of recovery and sobriety. You have taken such big steps, I hope that you realize how really amazing that is. And the greatest gift you have given your children is the fact that they can learn from your walk, to be honest, and caring, and to admit they are human, and if they need to to seek help. You are a great MOM. Thanks for sharing your honesty with us, I know that it could help others. If you ever need to talk, feel free to IM or Email me. I have been in the rooms, in fact I got sober attending OA meetings i***** Lisa lap/rny 10-23-03 340/181/??? -159lbs

Hey Lisa, Thanks so much for your kind words and support, they mean so much to me and I really appreciate it. Adrienne

Adrienne, Congratulations at taking control of your life!! You are obviously one very strong woman!! I pray that you will continue on your journey to a healthier you...inside and out!! Alcoholism post WLS is apparently not uncommon. There is a woman in my support group that has found sobriety through AA, and is now trying to get the weight that she gained back off (she's 7 years post-op and has gained about 60 lbs.) The truth is, I don't think any of us got to morbid obesity because we loved food THAT much!! We got there because we used/abused food to anesthetize ourselves from pain we didn't want to deal with. Personally I went through 2 years of counselling and spiritual direction BEFORE WLS so that I could handle being a thin person. I always encourage others to seek counseling to prepare for this step, as I think I could not have done this otherwise. I KNOW that I would be where you are at if I didn't...alcohol is something I used/abused too much when I was younger, and I know I REALLY have to watch out for it. Anyways, thank you for sharing! Again, congratulations on getting yourself back on track and for fighting for a firm grasp on your life! Kathy

Hi Kathy, I am so thankful for your support and understanding. I really appreciate you very much. Thanks Adrienne

(((((Adrianne)))))) - I'm so proud of you for getting help and finding a solution for yourself. It takes a really big strong person to do that. This road you traveled on is not easy. It's tough. I watched a friend of mine who was clean for 13 years go running back to drugs and alcohol. It makes me sad. I know she knows what to do, but sometimes she forgets. Hold onto the feelings you have now and remember them always. This should help you stay on track. We are so glad you came to us to share. Your story is worthy. Keep posting and looking for support where ever you can get it. We love you here. Many happy blessings to you always...

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your support. I have gotten so much support from this site in its entirety and I really appreciate you and eveyone else for so much love and support. Adrienne

Adrienne... i wish i was near you so I could give you a big ole hug! I am soooo proud of you for doing what you need to do to help yourself. That took guts, lady! My husband is an alcoholic and still struggles daily with his addiction. He still slips up and does not have any long length of sobriety. He was sober for almost a year and 3 weeks after I told him I was going to have WLS, he started drinking again. I thought at first it was my fault but since going to Alanon and doing a lot of reading, I know it is not my fault. I have found myself wanting to have a drink when I'm blue or depressed since they say it doesn't take much to give us a buzz now but I am fighting that feeling because I know I do have an addictive personality and I do not want to indulge that. I struggle enough with food, let alone throw alcohol into the mix. Girl, you are one great lady and you should be SO proud of yourself... you keep up the good work and remember to take it one day at a time. We are here if you ever need to talk or vent... you've got friends here! Love, Pam

Hi Pamela, Thank you so much for kind words and support. I really appreciate all of your support and understanding. Adrienne

Adrienne, I am so proud of you for getting help and saving yourself. I am also sad because my sister who had weightloss surgery 2 years ago is drinking every day now. We can't even talk to her about it. You do this for your family and yourself. I'll be praying for you. Karen