So how are you all handling the new attention?

I'm really struggling with this...I'm 13 lbs away from "normal" and a few days short of 9 months post op. I'm 5'9" so quiet honestly if I stopped losing weight now I'd be happy. I see some flab on my thighs, calves and stomach still, but ya know what, I'm not looking for perfection, I really feel sooooo much better. I have very mixed emotions about how I'm treated now. I'm a tall blond, and now between a size 10-12 so I get a lot more attention then I used to. One side of me won't leave the house without clothes that fit me well and looking good. The other side of me is very short on patience with the stares and shy about it. As I right this I'm in Hyderbad, India. A business trip to train a new team. Something I could not even have thought about 110lbs heavier. So as you can see the opportunities are bigger then they ever have been (this is my first time leaving the US). I don't know how to put this in it's proper place. I know a lot of the new attention is the energy I give off now, I'm much happier so I'm sure that's a big part of it. I guess what I'm dealing with now is what most girls learn in their teens, how to deal with male attention, it's finding appropriate boundaries I'm learning I guess. Just exploring how I'm really feeling about this and curious how you all are dealing with it? Renee

I so hear you. I too try to dress up everytime I leave the house, then I complain about all the attention I get. Can you say CRAZY. I just am scared if I slob out that I will become that slob again for good. I bought a wig to put on when I don't want to do my hair too. People are all gossiping I am sure about my mid-life crisis or that my marriage is in trouble but that is so not true I just always want to look good. I am scared to look at the vehicle next to me while waiting at a light because men smile or flirt with me and I so do not want it. I have never learned how to brush off unwanted attention and I feel guilt that somehow I am causing it and must want it. I have caught myself eating through a bag of chips before I realize I am unconciously trying to fatten back up so I can feel safe again. I walk alot and I never use to worry about being attacked but now I am aware of it everytime. I do not want to become invisible again (men would pick their noses in front of me because they seriously did not have me on their radar as important) but I do hope I grow into being comfortable with being a normal good looking woman. So to answer your question I am trying to figure it all out, mabey time will help us, the longer we deal with it the less forgein it will feel. Paula

Hi Renee, I'm also 9 months post-op & about 10# away from my goal of 135# (5'5) so a little shorter then you....but at first I had the very same problem having people looking at me & giving me compliments. I am also very proud though of the way I look but want everything to fit me perfectly as well. I too wear a size 10 now in most clothing & a 12 in some others. When I was heavier I was happy when no one looked at me mainly because I have always had such poor self-esteem issues but now with my new found self-esteem I do like when people look at me but it's also somewhat distrubing.....especially the male attention (but then again I am a married woman, though heck shouldn't we care if other men besides our husbands pay us compliments)! We just have to learn how to say "thank you" again and move on....chuckling to ourselves silently. Even if you are not a married woman, let other men pay you compliments & if you would like to persue (sp) it further then go ahead...just know that you are now a beautiful woman & deserve every compliment you can get! Much love & success as the NEW YOU. Phyllis

Renee, I too am 9 months post op and I too have probelms with taking compliments. I am 5'9 and weigh 234, I have lost a total 154lbs and I wear a 18 now and that is great compared to the 28 and 30's i use to wear. My goal is to be 180. I am big bones so i don't want to be smaller then that. Anyhow I am having problems with some family that say i have changed. Like for instance my sister in law who is over weight and want even consider the surgery. She tells me that I have changed. I don't see anything change about my personality. The only thing that has is my confiadence. It has boosted 150 times over. And that's suppose to be a good thing. I too love to dress up everytime I leave the house. I want to look pretty for my husband and yes for myself. What is so wrong with that. I don't understand why she feels that way. But I asked my husband and other friends do they think I have changed and they say no. That I look good and seem to feel good and I look much healthier and I they are happy for that. Anyhow I am looking forward and not worrying what she thinks and I can't wait to get to goal. But other then that i am going to take one day at a time. Mary

I hear you all!!!! :) I went from a size 22 to a size 6. I NEVER wore skirts or dresses pre op. The other day, I wore a "short" skirt to work, and a coworker said "You need to stop wearing your daughters clothes." I laughed it off, but in the back of my mind, I feel like people are thinking "look at her, she lost all this weight, and she really thinks she's something". I cant help it though, I mean... I am only 31 years old... the other day, I was at Old Navy, and I bought this skirt that I didnt even like... just because it was a size SMALL and it fit.... Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever wear anything that was labled "SMALL". And, I dont think its wrong to be proud of that. I do get a lot more attention than I did pre op. Sometimes, its wierd because I'll feel "unworthy" of the attention, like all of a sudden, I'm back in the "heavy" mindset. I clam up, and get nervous. I feel that since my op the biggest obstical that I'm dealing with is the mental side of it.... For 31 years I've beat it into my head that I was "less of a person" because I was "fat". And, now all of a sudden, I'm skinny :) and, its hard to change 31 years of negative thoughts in 9 months :) I wonder if there's an operation for that........... ha ha ha

Oh my gosh I so hear you all, I am down 130 now at 225 and it is so hard to handle the attention I used to think the only reason was the looks but I agree it is the confidence and the way you carry yourself. I lost alot of weight in 1999 got to 170 and I always felt that maybe the reason I gained it back was because I lost my safety net. I am struggling with the same things you all are, all I can say is get support I plan to. And it is ok for us to want to look good for ourselves and our hubby's It is so good to know that are others going through the same thing this really helps me cause I always thought that I was using the safety thing as a cop out but now I know it is real feelings I think this knowledge will help me battle these feelings Thanks to all.

I haven't been on here for a long long time. Just stopped by and read your post and thought this is me. I understand exactly what you are saying. I work in a large office. I have men talking to me now, just saying good morning when they pass you in the hall that last year would have ignored me. I have lost 115 lbs so far and am down from 24/26 to 12/14's. I too am tall, 5'7". I have always tried to dress nicely, but find that the clothes I find in my size now are not the same. But I can say there is alot more to choose from. I still find myself going to the plus size side of the store. I love to shop at Cato. It is divided one-half plus sizes and one-half regular sizes. I usually buy clothes on the discount racks. I go to a store called Gabriel Brothers, they are a very big discount store and shop there for bargains. I wanted to have clothes that fit, but I can't wear the clothes I bought last fall. So until I stablize, I don't want to spend alot on clothes. I turned 50 in March, so I don't want to wear real "young' clothes. But, I don't want old lady clothes either. I never worried when I got dressed to go to work, I just picked something out of the closet and got dressed, now I change several times before I go to work. Everything considered, this is still the best thing I did for me. I can now walk and get around and enjoy life. Peggy 305/287/190/175/150 preop/surgery 9/19/06/current/dr's goal/ my goal