Bummed about Family reaction!

Tonight I shared with my dad that I will be having surgery next week, our very first conversation on the subject. Background on our relationship; My dad is my everything he has always been there for me I love him to death and he is having his own little mini crisis that I feel terrible for not being able to be there for. He has diabetes and heart failure and most recently has had his 2nd limb (leg) amputated in August. He is still recovering in a rehab program. I am over 1000 miles away so I only get phone updates on his condition which is excellent under the cir****tances. He is getting fitted for his second prostetic leg and doing well in therapy. Anyway my mom already knew and has been supportive through the entire journey. Tonight I shared the news qith him and it tore him apart! It was as if I was telling him I had a terminal disease! He begged me not to go through it and mentioned that no one he has ever seen have the surgery has done well. He said I would look sick and that if I pulled away from the table I could do it without surgery. Mind you he was not trying to be mean spirited but he is just ADAMANT that I not do it. He wants me to call the whole thing off. I am in tears right now cause I love my dad and do not want to put more stress on him although I do believe surgery is the best option for me. The way I see it with all of his co morbities coupled with my moms I HAVE to do something about my weight to avoid a life of insulin shots (as he has) and near death. I feel so bad he says he wont be able to sleep a wink tonight. He just wants the best for me and loves me as I am. The thing is I love me as I am too. Physically I have always been okay with my looks I only turned to surgery at the onset of high blood pressure and infertility. I want to be healthy. I am only 25 years old. Sorry for the life story but I had to get it out. Has anyone experienced similiar issues with family.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have no advice, but wish you all the best! Jen

I'm sorry your not getting the support your looking for. I too admitted to some close to me only a week before the surgery that I was having it done and was met with resistance. All I can tell you is you HAVE TO DO THIS FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY. If you are educated and comfortable with your decision, then you should do what is right for you, no one else can tell you what decision to make. I'm only 2 weeks post op and already feeling so different, I've lost 10lbs since surgery and 10lbs prior and already back to water aerobics and walking. I can't tell you how it will be for you, but my experience has been very minimal discomfort. He's a man (no offense guys), he's scared and this is how men react when they can't fix things for those they love. Give him a link to this website and let him read in his own time. Once your healthy I'm sure he'll see the other side. Good luck, keep your chin up! Renee

I am not close to my family at all, which is why I had my surgery a week ago and still haven't told them. I don't want to be bummed out or pissed off right now. I know they won't support me so why bother. My husband and kids and friends and church family support me and that's all I need. Someday I will tell them, but not just yet. It's good you are doing this at your age. Stop any diseases you may inherit now. Your dad is just scared for you. Only you can make this choice. It's YOUR life...no one else's. Both of your parents made their own choices in their lives and so must you. I'm glad your mom is supportive of you. Lots of luck to you. Hugs, Donna

Thank you ladies for your heartfelt responses. I spoke to my mother today and she was very encouraging. She had already spoken to my father and "let him have it". She basically explained to him how she had sat through hours of phone conversations with me as we both watched documentaries on the Discovery Channel that tracked the progress of patients from pre op on to complications and possibilities. She even reminded him that the folks that he was speaking about that had complications had surgery before I was born lol. So her support was very rewarding. He just wants the best from me and being his baby girl I don't wanna let him down. I went for my preop today at the hospital which was a little intimidating but we are full speed ahead! Only 6 more days to go. Thanks a million for being there for me ladies words cannot express my gratitude.

I'm having my surgery on Monday and have had very good support from most of the people I've talked to except for my mom. I had to explain to her all the reasons that we're doing it and how I feel like I'll be much more sucessful that all of the people she knows who've done it and are still fat. She is overweight as well and has a lot of health problems because of it, but I think she's also in a lot of denial, that there is any way to be other than the way she is now. My wife had the surgery at the beginning of this month and I'm having it next week and we're doing it for our kids because we want them to have much more from their parents than we feel we got from our own. I can understand your dad's feelings. It's a drastic thing that i'm sure he hasn't spent as much time thinking about as you have. I wonder if him visiting a support group with you or something like that would help to ease his mind? --- wait a minute, you said you live far away... hmm. well, maybe him looking around on this site would be a good idea. Anyway, I'm sure he's scared that he's going to loose you, but I'm sure you'll be able to be around much, much longer if you become healthier. I personally don't have any weight related issues like heart disease or diabetes, but my wife does. It's easy to see that she got that tendency from her parents who both have type 2 diabetes and all kinds of other health problems. If you see him having these kinds of problems, then it's really smart for you to take charge of your weight now, because there's a very high chance you could end up in the same boat as he is. I guess my advice would be to talk about how you've come to the decision for your self. I'm sure you've tried diets and weighed other possibilities. Walk him through your thought processes and struggles. It might not make him feel better in general, but it might at least reassure him that this isn't a quick-fix-fad that you're undertaking. That you actually know what you're doing. Anyway, I hope this helps. Next week we'll both be on the loosing side! See you there! Dennis

Hi I'm so sorry to hear that your father reacted poorly to your surgery, it sure makes it more difficult to proceed, but please do it for yourself. Sometimes in order to live our best life, we have to be a bit selfish and do things for us. I am 25 too, and at first did not get a good reaction from friends and family but the more I have opened up about how hard things are and how unhealthy it is to be obese, the more acceptance and respect I've gained for moving ahead with this. Please don't cancel your surgery, give yourself this gift and don't appologize to anyone for wanting a better, healthier new life. Best wishes Jen

I am definately not cancelling! You guys are right I have to do this for me and I only have 2 days to go and it will not be a moment too soon. Thanks for all of your responses I really appreciate it.

Hello I just wanted to give you another parents' perspective. My daughter just had the DS and I was so very afraid I'd lose her if she had the surgery and maybe that's what your dad was feeling. If he's afraid of the surgery and possible negative outcome then he'll reject IT...not you. Sometimes my fear takes over and comes out as misdirected anger or something equally unsavory. The week before her surgery was a nightmare for those around me. Even a co-worker asked what was up. I was terrified of my daughter having the surgery but in all honesty I was equally afraid if she didn't. I was fairly sure we would lose her before very long. Obesity was stealing her life and her health away and it broke my heart to know her pain. It was hard to be supportive of something I was so afraid of but it was her only hope. God knows I tried to show my support but I'm not sure it always came through. I'm happy to say she's come out on the other side (4 wks post op) and now has a chance for a healthier and happier life. Chances are real good that I could probably be more understanding and supportive even now but my inadequacies are usually a result of my own fears and misplaced desire to help. Do what you need to do to be able to live your life to its fullest. When your dad sees you happy and healthy then he'll be happy for you. All the very best to you. Godspeed and lots of positive energy being sent your way!

Hi, I just thought I would put my two cents in. I am 26 and decided to tell only a few people in my family about the surgery. I told my brother first off and he told me o take out extra life insurance because I was going to die. He broke my heart. Almost everyone else that I told had the most negative comments to say. I had to endure countless attacks from people whom I love. I know it is hard to upset someone you love so much but this is YOUR LIFE. I had the surgery on 9/05 and regretted it for about 5 minutes. I no longer take metformin or my blood pressure medication. I can walk up stairs without having an asthma attack. I feel pretty and confident. This is only after losing 35 lbs. Just imagine how wonderful you are going to feel knowing that you have taken control over your health and your life. Honestly, I know where your dad is coming from; he loves you and doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. It seems as though all people see in the media about WLS is negative. So the point of my long winded rant is that I am proud of you because this decision is not easy to make. It is scary, it is permanent but living a healthy life outweighs all of those fears. You GO girl. Keep in touch and I will be praying for you. Jess